To not understand why I only ever gain weight while trying to lose it

I think you have a husband problem rather than a weight problem. I don't say that to be arsey but reading between the lines this is what's jumping out.

I think you should prioritise yourself and your needs. Organise your own meals, use an app to log calories (Nutracheck is easy) and grey rock him when he starts. There will be other posters who can articulate this better than me but I wonder if your weight issue is part psychological.

Kindly, if you don't change anything you're doing, then nothing will change.

Watch a few episodes of Secret Eaters. (You can find old episodes on YouTube) Every one of those people said the same things as the OP and every one of them discovered (quelle surprise!) that they had the exact same problem. I won't state the problem here; go watch an episode - game changer.

People talking shit on this thread. For example 500 calories extra of butter? That’s over four tablespoons, how’s this guy fitting it on a reasonable portion of toast?

OP, my assistant had this. She has PCOS. You need to get medical investigations done.

Physician here.

Get the bloods done. FBC, renal, liver, tfts.

Do you have any underlying condition that can effect weight loss ?

I have polycystic liver. It effects weight loss. I was on GPL1s for it and have lost a few stone.

Go back to basics. Whole foods. Calorie counting. If you genuinely can't lose something is going on. Good luck !

You're focusing on the wrong thing. You're focusing on exercise. Which is all well and good but if your goal is to lose weight then you need to decrease the amount of calories you are consuming.
Have you ever watched those ridiculous 600 LB people shows? The doctor in that show gives every single one of them (and anyone else who is overweight) the exact same prescription: Consume fewer calories, and of the calories you do eat (he usually restricts them to 1200 per day) there's no sugary crap: no fizzy drinks, no junk food, no highly processed food, no "white carbs". It's a protein versus carb forward diet.

If you don't address your calorie intake then you aren't going to lose weight. Because ultimately when people do more exercise they typically want to eat more.

Muscle actually doesn't weigh more than fat - they weight the same - it's just that one is more dense than the other. And the reason you may feel you look "bigger" when you try to exercise is that you may be adding some muscle, but youre not doing much to address the fat that's already there. And it takes a calorie deficit to do that. Otherwise the body will just be burning the fuel your adding every day by eating rather than doing anything to shift the fat that's already there.

Easier ways to lose weight? Have other people do the same thing with you.

Reduce your food portions - one of the easiest ways to do that is use a smaller plate/dish for your food: people have a tendency to fill up plates and eat the lot - whether they are hungry enough or not. Don't do that.
Remove fizzy drinks and booze from your diet - they are wasted calories.
Start looking at the ingredients of the stuff you are eating: stop eating anything that contains ingredients you can't pronounce or have no clue about. You'll find that a lot of processed junk has emulsifiers in it - just stop eating that stuff. Restrict yourself to "whole foods" - i.e. food that hasn't been messed around with and had a load of additives put into it.

Exercise is great: walking and swimming are two of the best forms of exercise if you are overweight. Women oftentimes do not do enough weight bearing exercise, but if you go that route then get a trainer who actually has qualifications in dealing with people with joint problems.

@SEmyarse 7pm is too late for dinner .
Your metabolism slows down then .
can you do some time on the treadmill
before breakfast (start metabolism ) then eat and have a healthy soup for lunch .
then an early dinner with protein ( not carbs you body wants to store )
Then if you can exercise after 7pm it kick starts your metabolism again as it’s wanting to slow down

nothing after 7pm, however if you must then make it fruit

A large bowl of cereal and milk can easily be 600 calories. A portion of pasta and sauce and cheese can reach 800 calories or more. You won’t know if you don’t track every mouthful.

Agree with this, cereal is calorific, I bet the OP isn’t eating the recommended 30gm portion (which is child sized!) and if she is eating say shreddies or sultana bran for example plus milk the calories can be really high.

If @SEmyarse is not losing weight on a bowl of cereal and dinner then it’s portion size or more simply too many calories going in. I think if she weighs her usual bowl it’s probably much too big.

Tell me about it OP. I joined the gym and decided not to weigh myself so I didn't get demoralised. Went 3 times a week for over a year. Decided to weigh myself, expecting a lovely surprise...I'd put on 10 pounds. Everyone said it must be muscle so I bought those scales that show body composition. NOPE my fat % was categorised as "extremely high".

I quit the gym and have started couch25k, plus following Mediterranean unprocessed diet...we'll see what happens. I'm 6 weeks in and so far have put on 2 pounds.

I think it must be perimenopause or the hrt side effects in my case.

You cut out snacks and put on 3 stone? Over what period of time?

I don't know the why, but I am in the same boat as you.

I started Mounjaro in May. At the starting dose of 2.5mg and now I'm micro dosing at 3.75mg. I've lost about 1.5lb a week. It takes the edge off hunger and food noise.

Now I rarely eat bread/pasta/potatoes. I do still go out and drink alcohol. Just this evening I was out with family and had pizza and tiramisu. I just don't eat as much. Tomorrow I will eat my leftover pizza 😁

Despite recently being diagnosed with hypothyroidism and being on medication for that, plus starting estrogen for perimenopause and the massive reduction in calories due to Mounjaro, I am only losing weight very slowly. It doesn't make sense

I’d put on weight with a carby dinner / breakfast. I haven’t eaten pasta or cereal for 20 years. But ultimately it comes down to calorie counting. The only way I can feel full on maintainance calories is by eating less carbs and more protein.

I second this also. You could have a health concern such as an ovarian cyst.

I think you need to calorie count, it doesn't sound like you're eating enough at all. I'd also work out what your bmr is and start there. I always put on weight when I eat less than 1600 calories, at 1800 - 2000 I lose weight.

Weight loss is incredibly simple - consume fewer calories than you expend. That is it.

It is not that hard to measure out every ingredient, weigh the total meal in the pot, do the maths and then weigh out how much is in your plate.

A large bowl of cereal and milk can easily be 600 calories. A portion of pasta and sauce and cheese can reach 800 calories or more. You won’t know if you don’t track every mouthful.

Because you're not fueling your body the way it needs.

Your diet sounds mostly carbs. What's the point of lifting heavy weights in that case?

How much protein and fats do you get in your diet?

Just eat 2 meals a day...totalling no more than 900 calories. Bingo!

Maybe you need to try eating more often.

Have break, lunch and a smaller dinner. It seems like your body prefers little and often so not sure why you are fighting it when it also makes you feel unwell.

What you are doing now isn't working so time for a different approach.

Hmm I would get checked out OP. You exercise a lot and don’t eat much, you shouldn’t be the weight you are. And also the fact it’s just on your stomach and is hard.

oh, please don't. Eat a low UPF diet @SEmyarse and be happy.
Like is too short to weigh cereal

I have been trying to lose a bit a weight. Around 1 stone is my goal.
i was intermittent fasting for around 4 months and I didn’t lose a single pound. I’ve now bitten the bullet and started calorie counting with my fitness pal. The weight is starting to come off now.
slowly.
im a bit slack and I don’t weigh anything, I guess really.. but it seems to make me aware enough to consider that I’m eating. I am still fasting at the same time.
so far I have lost 5lbs in 3 weeks.
I hate calorie counting too but it does work.

I found this book very interesting in coming up with some theories about why it is so hard for some of us to lose weight. I can't vouch for the science, but a lot of what he says resonated for me.

Because you are, unconsciously, eating more of your main meals to “make up” for not having snacks. And you are over estimating how active you are. For the last time, get the free app and track everything you eat and drink. It’s free and takes 10 minutes per day. It will help you.