Request from friend

Say that you were very happy to help the first time but are too busy to allocate time for a repeat of helping with clearing out her mother’s house

I think I wouldn't mind if we regularly spent time together and they were generally a nice person and not a user. OP should be able to know what type of person the friend is ... in saying that I don't think OP wants to do it, so she should probably say no

Ask why the sibling cant help, or suggest they hire a car. Say you didn't mind helping out but you don't want it to become a regular thing as your time is precious

Fine to not want to do it but I don’t see how it’s wrong of friend to ask. You just say no. YABU to be moany about it. You’re being asked not forced.

I'd say no,shes using you. Could suggest someone who does "dump runs" etc

While I agree there's potential for having a good time, and I have always done so, OP's not at all unreasonable to NOT want to do it. Especially since she's done it once so will have a much better idea than us of how enjoyable it will be for her.

Exactly! There's always potential for a good time in these situations.

Be careful about making excuses, as your friend may try to find a different day.
I think best to say a straightforward 'sorry, I can't help'. I think asking if the sibling could help out would be reasonable.

If you're not having fun at the tip with your mate, you aren't doing it right.

On a house clear out, rather than taking a few bags of stuff you've been keeping in the garage, I'd say fairly high. I've done this with friends or siblings four times and something's happened that we still talk about fondly on all of them (multiple days for each, so it's not a 100% rate per day but it's pretty good).

OP has already done this as a favour for her friend. It doesn't sound as though she had a particularly fun day doing this but she didn't mind as she assumed that it was a one-off.

It's cheeky of her friend to ask her to do this again, particularly as there is a sibling that lives an hour away who could help.

What are the actual chances of something hilarious happening at the dump that would be giggled over for years to come? 🤔

This is a good message. She obviously feels close enough to you to ask, you should feel able to say as above.

Maybe the sibling does everything else and this is your friend's one contribution to caring for her Mum.

I suspect you will tell me not though.

I'm in the minority with a couple of previous posters - I would do this for a friend.

If I knew they were taking the piss I wouldn't though. Only you know if this is the case.

@HellomeeeI agree, helping a friend out could be a great way to spend time together. More rewarding than meeting for a coffee. I’m eternally grateful to a friend who helped me move house years ago. It was a full on day but we did have a laugh. I would pay the favour back, or pay it forward if someone else needed that support.

I think it depends on the context. Do you feel that she appreciates your help and will return a favour if anything or do you feel that she is using you?
Tbh it’s the case for me that if you ask about it it’s better to say no. You clearly don’t like it.

YANBU to not want to do it. It's easy enough to say "Sorry, last time was enough for me. Would love to see you after, though." If you're feeling helpful you could add something like "You can easily rent a car/van for a few hours with Zipcar [or whatever hourly rental place keeps cars near you]."

Whether your friend is BU to ask depends a bit on why she asks and whether she's fine with you saying no. She may ask you rather than her sister because she much prefers your company and she gets to spend more time with you this way. But she may do it just because it's easier, free and she doesn't want her sister to go to the effort or expense. And if she's off with you for saying no, then she's being very unreasonable.

I guess we all see things differently. I would have a right laugh doing this with my friends. Pissing about packing the car up, driving about having an in person chat with a good friend I rarely see. Probably have a stupid thing happen at the tip to cause mass hilarity for years to come. Little days like this I often find are more relationship building than sitting down for the umpteenth dinner reservation.

"Sorry that doesn't work for me." And, if you want to, add "Can't 'sibling' step in and help?"

And @Hellomeee I mean, whatever floats your boat but a 'car picnic' based around a trip to the dump would not sway me to do this! 😂

If she paid for food, I'd do it.

Otherwise, if you don't want to do it, be busy elsewhere.

I'm in the minority but this really wouldn't bother me. Opportunity to hang out with my mate who lives abroad, in the car chatting and having a giggle. Would probably tell her to chuck in a KFC with it and have a car picnic. I'm not overly bothered how I spend time with people, just like seeing them.

She is being a CF. Say no, that it too much time and energy last time. Ask if her sister could do it.
You will have to be frank. If you make up an excuse she will just ask you next time.
Being able to say no Is totally liberating!

'Can't Sarah do this at some point? I'm short of free time and would prefer not to spend it ferrying stuff to the tip'.

Make it clear that it's her sibling's responsibility rather than yours. (I'm saying Sarah - but I won't be surprised to find that sibling is a brother who can't be arsed to help)

Say no otherwise it will become an expectation

No. Just say no if you don't want to. People will use you if you're willing.