To think I never want another man?

Like many here, I’m happily married to my best friend and see my life with him. BUT if that ever changed I don’t think I’d bother dating. I don’t think I’d find another like him, and without that level of emotional intimacy the rest is replicable elsewhere.

The comments on threads like this from people currently in relationships - especially long-term ones, or marriages - going 'oh well if DH died/we broke up I'd never want to date again' - aren't very helpful. You're not single so it's only a hypothetical for you, and it's easy to say that when it's only a hypothetical.

Agree. I was actually really optimistic when I was first single - I have great male friends, I’m still amicable with my ex h and j have an adult son so I thought there would be plenty of eligible 50 something men out there.

How fucking wrong could I be? And I’m not looking for perfect ton but even an equal parter who adds to my already good life turned out to be as rare as a rainbow unicorn carrying a pot of gold

After a succession of sex pests, love bombers, men who harassed me, dick pics, puss heads, one who started wanking during a phone call, one who sent me 22 messages in less than 23 hours after i gave him my number followed by phone calls and VM’s, the liars, the ones who knocked a decade off their age, were 4/5 inches shorter than they claimed to be and the majority just after a shag or a nurse with a purse - I realised my life was so much better without a bloke.

This thread is such an insight. Most 50plus men are awful. Really entitled, not aware enough to understand that a woman is not there to provide one-way meals and support. Talking about themselves, needing to control what’s on TV, getting into moods that they imagine everyone should kowtow to…. No.

But when I look back honestly at my pre-DH dating life what stands out to me most, is the memory of continually having my hopes raised and then let down by men, the game playing and mixed messages, and that constant low-level anxiety of never quite knowing where you stand with someone. I gather from my younger single colleagues that things have not improved in 20 years. If anything, the way they describe OLD it's clearly gotten worse

This is the PERFECT description of dating and why I cannot be bothered with it anymore.

I am sure there are great men out there but I cannot destroy my mental and emotional health dealing with the shit show that is dating to try and find one.

That just isn't true. I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences but that doesn't mean that all men are bad. I'm not saying that OP should date if she doesn't want to, but a lot of these replies are just feeding each other and are full of confirmation bias. That said, given OP's child is only ten, she is as well to put off dating for a while anyway. But I do have to be the voice of dissent when people say that all men are bad. Not because men need me to stick up for them or even out of concern for their needs, but because women don't deserve to be told endless horror stories about how hopeless it all is.

I’m with everyone else - don’t do it OP. I feel really lonely sometimes but that is preferable to the heartbreak that men bring you. In a romantic sense, they are all liars. Every single one I have been with have been anyway. I don’t trust them one bit and much prefer putting the energy into myself rather than trying to keep a man happy.

Same. I can’t bring myself to even approach and chat to a man let alone sleep with someone. All trust in men has diminished after having been fucked over by most of them. The ghost of my libido haunts me from time to time and masturbation is more of a genital sneeze these past 4, 5 years, what’s the point!

YABU to think that a vibrator is a substitute for sex. It isn't. Could you find an FWB, if you can't be bothered with a relationship?

I have been happily single for 8 years and intend to stay that way. Since my divorce 30 years ago,I've had one long term relationship and several shorter ones. All ended for the same reasons. All men seem to want is sex,being looked after (washing done,meals prepared) or money. When my LT relationship ended in mid 2017,I decided enough was enough. I can't be doing with having to look after another (fit and able bodied) adult. I'm disabled myself with several health issues and I struggle sometimes to look after myself properly,never mind someone else. As for sex,I can live without it quite happily. And I'm not going to be used as a cash machine for some freeloader,who,as it turned out,had tens of thousands in the bank.

If you’re perfectly happy without then there’s no point searching for it. I could give you a million reasons why I’m happy in my marriage but when you know that’s not what you want I don’t think there’s any point

Exactly this.

Don't do it, OP. You are indeed enough.

I love my DH completely. He is the best decision I ever made. But after 20 years, the thought of going back to dating again is just....ugh.

I think it would be easy to romanticise the excitement of dating and 'playing the field' when you're advancing towards middle age. But when I look back honestly at my pre-DH dating life what stands out to me most, is the memory of continually having my hopes raised and then let down by men, the game playing and mixed messages, and that constant low-level anxiety of never quite knowing where you stand with someone. I gather from my younger single colleagues that things have not improved in 20 years. If anything, the way they describe OLD it's clearly gotten worse.

If anything happened to DH I don't think I could be bothered with men. I would focus on my DC, my career, my friends and the cats. I'm sure I would feel lonely sometimes, but a quick look at the relationships board on MN tells you there are many things worse than loneliness. I wouldn't risk my peace and security (or that of my DC) by letting another man into my life.

I only miss sex - absolutely nothing else at all.

Unfortunately I’ve never been someone who can do casual sex so I’ve had to learn to live without.

I think its fine to want or not want a relationship. Whatever makes you happy.

I have a bad picker so I tend to pick men who have big hearts but are damaged in some way (2 addicts, a man with serious mummy issues, inability to deal with their emotions, mental health troubles they won't work on).

I've also not been great in relationships as a partner.

I keep an open mind if it happens but I'm at peace with being single the majority of the time. I can say I'm happy.

If I were to get into another relationship it would need to be with a man who is accountable, forgiving, generous and open to sharing experiences together. If not I have my family and friends for those things

I've been wondering the same but after reading all these replies think I will also not bother. Despite the intense loneliness, I have three amazing adult children who are flexing their wings and heading towards being proper grown ups - late developers as they are all over 25 now
The only thing I really miss is being one person's priority, even just for a day. But even when I think back to my 20 year marriage, I never felt like that anyway certainly not for the last 15 years and especially when the week after our separation I asked him how he was coping and he said "I'm fine, missing the children heaps but not missing the dogs or cat. Or you".
So at the risk of feeing that knife in the gut again I'm staying single too

I've been a widow for the last fifteen years. It was lonely at first, but as time has gone on, I thoroughly enjoy my single life. I can plan my own days and nights, read all night long without annoying anyone and spend my money on who and what I want to. I have a cat and a horse for company and conversation, pleasant and helpful neighbours. Eureka!

After my marriage ended 8 years ago, I dated some future-faker bloke, he’s now dumped.
I live alone, have dogs, full command of the remote control for the tv, loads of books and no need of a man. They can’t all be idiots of course. The law of averages says that. However, I am happy single.
I cannot imagine myself dating or in a relationship now. I am 61, fit as a butchers dog and have zero tolerance for the male ego and the associated BS.
The funny thing is, that all my single friends feel the same so I am clearly not an oddball, for once.

I’m 7 years into life without a man and I can confirm life has never been better. I miss sex, that’s it.

You can dump him! Or at least ask him to move out

By the way ladies there a great FB page for solo travel for women over 50 ( called exactly that) - very supportive, suggestions, link ups etc

This. I had a dreadful husband, now ex but was blessed with a long relationship to a wonderful man, who died suddenly a few years ago. I wouldn’t want a man at any price. I have a cute pet, family and friends. Currently travelling solo in Europe and absolutely loving it.

Personally, I think we place waaaaay too much emphasis on sex and relationships. I’m not anti-men. Some of them are lovely. But we need to end this silly idea that not being in a relationship, or not having sex, is somehow unnatural and unhealthy - that you can’t be fulfilled or happy without them. The happiest people I know are all either single or childfree (or both). And my god I have known so many people whose lives have been ruined by marriage. I’d always thought of my cousin as the exception. He seemed so happy with his two daughters and his beautiful wife. They’d been together 20 years until, to my disbelief, their marriage imploded at Christmas and is now entering a hideous, bitter, messy divorce. That was the final straw. Not even they could make it work!! 😧

I have told my kids to regard marriage and children NOT as the goal/focus of life. Yes, a partner can bring you happiness. But you should never, never get with someone because you think “well, that’s just what you do isn’t it.” Only ever form a relationship if you really, really want to, and you really, really love the other person. There are so many other things you can fill your life with - music, art, books, dogs, friends, nature, travel. And don’t be afraid of being alone. Being single is so much more common nowadays. If you are over 30 and single, there are so many other people in the same boat - so many other people you can make friends with. We need to get to a point where marriage and kids is just one option among many rather than ‘the norm’.

Aw I vote YABU because it’s about companionship. It’s not about the sex and I never have to ‘pick up socks’ - no woman does. If you’re picking up men’s socks then take a long hard look at your life choices.

I love hanging out with my DH even though we are fat old and grumpy. We are fat old and grumpy together. We laugh at in jokes we’ve laughed at for decades. If he wasn’t here, that’s what I’d miss and I’d try to find that again. And there are lovely men. I know loads of them.

If my current relationship ended I wouldn’t look for another.