Girlfriend mum drinks 9/11 bottles a wine a week

It’s heartbreaking watching someone you love drink themselves to death. But the sad truth is that you can’t stop them. All she can do is tell them she’s worried, but they’re obviously addicted so it likely won’t be enough. Very sad.

Health care workers have some of the highest rates of alcohol and substance misuse due to the enormous strain they work under, the emotional trauma they witness regularly, gruelling shift patterns, and very little in the way of support. They’re even more reluctant than most people to seek help for fear of losing not only their job but their professional registration and entire livelihood. It’s heartbreaking, really.

Your girlfriend can certainly make her concerns known and tell her mum she thinks she needs help, but she won’t accept any help until she admits to herself that she has a serious problem. For a lot of people it takes hitting ‘rock bottom’ or having some kind of wake up call for that to happen though. All your GF can do is set boundaries around what she is willing to be around and protect her own well-being until such time her mum wants help with her drinking.

You can tell the police when and where the Mother is drink driving. When they can they will pull her over.

otherwise I think your girlfriend needs to seek out alanon - for the families of alcoholics. She will have been affected.

@Zodiac82 - what an awful situation.

There’s no point reporting to her employer or the Nursing and Midwifery Council - they cannot do anything without proof - saying someone is drinking too much means nothing - she needs to be “caught” with proof (ie blood alcohol levels over the legal limit fir driving) - being hungover at work is not grounds for dismissal. Being actively drunk at work would be and I suspect her colleagues will know she has a problem with alcohol but proving it when someone is still able to function is another matter.

Im a nurse and once worked with a surgeon who drank at work. Never had a mistake in surgery, his morbidity and mortality stats were fine - everyone knew but nothing could be proved as your employer cannot force you to give a blood sample/take a breathalyser unless it’s written into your conditions of employment and it’s not for big standard health care jobs. Different if it’s the police stopping you on suspicion of driving under the influence.

Your GF has two options - anonymous police tip off or go no/low contact with her mum. I know everyone says to report to police but that could be so hard to do for your GF- it’s still her mum. GF should also seriously consider al-anon and reading about adult children of alcoholics (ACOA).

good luck - your GF is lucky to have you supporting her 💐

This.
The best thing you can do is offer to go with your gf to an al-anon meeting.

My mother's been drinking this much at least for over 20 years, perhaps longer. Mid 80s now, still drinking and going strong. Some people can just drink more. She's not motivated to do much, but she isn't ill at all.

So, they're alcoholics?

Up to them, I suppose. All you can do is be blunt and tell them your concern (be prepared for them being very hostile). In the likely event that they don't want to change, you'll have to decide what that means for your relationship with them. I certainly wouldn't get getting in a car where they're driving, for example. Wouldn't be letting them be alone with any current or future children you have, either.

And absolutely needs reporting to the NMC as I suspect she’s under the influence whilst at work!

You and your girlfriend are right to be concerned, this is a dangerous level of drinking from a health perspective and from a safe guarding perspective. Maybe she needs reporting at work or to the Nursing Council she is a danger to herself and to others.

Strange take. This is someone's mum. Being worried isn't preaching.

Bloody hell, what type of a nurse is she? She is putting herself and others at risk. Report her to the police for driving under the influence because she most certainly is if she is drinking that amount of booze. Also report her to her employer before she does something that could cause significant harm. She needs help before it’s too late!

YANBU aside from the excessive the is drinking both parents are at high risk of developing alcohol related brain damage, this can occur with drinking just 35 units a week regularly over 5 years. As a nurse she should be aware of these risks which makes no sense, but I expect she’s in denial that it she will affected.

I had a serious alcohol problem some years ago. And I mean serious, but at my worst it was only ever 8 bottles in a week (and yes I do know that sounds daft). For me it was two reasons; self-medicating depression & other mental health issues and having grown up around an alcoholic father & the very ‘70s/‘80s tradition of ‘a couple of drinks in the pub after work’.

What stopped me was my DD &DH. DD wouldn’t spend time with me. DH didn’t want me driving her anywhere. So I stopped drinking and got help. I have managed to have a sensible relationship with alcohol now - I’ll have wine on a Friday and Saturday, but not every weekend.

Unfortunately, it was a decision I had to make alone. I kept saying that I didn’t have a problem, I was a social drinker, and never drank before 6pm. Until they kept the bottles back from the weekly recycling and laid them out for me. It was a shock. Then every time I wanted to buy wine I put the money in a box instead and that really showed me how much it was costing.

all this is to say - your DGF’s mum will need to make the choice herself. If she’s drink driving though, you need to report her. She is a danger to others as well as herself - and 1 - 2 bottles a night means she really is a danger on the wards, too.

You and DGF can go to Al-Anon, the support group for families of alcoholics, and they can advise on ways to get through as well.

Her father is also drinking too much.

It is beyond my comprehension, how people can function while drinking so much.

I feel sorry for their children. These people cannot be good parents.

Why is she focussing on her Mum rather than both?

Admittedly if he is drinking cans of 8 Stella (say) his weekly unit total is less, and he is male, but is he also driving? Operating heavy machinery etc?

I mean yeah. If she ever makes a mistake as a nurse and they test her for booze she will most likely test positive even the day after drinking. That could be a major issue. I hope neither of them drive because they’re almost certainly above the limit most of the time. 2 bottles of wine is 20 units which would mean if she started drinking at 6pm she wouldn’t be sober again until 2pm the next day.

Recommended amount is 14 units or less a weeks 9 bottles is 90 units. She is off the charts on the scale for hazardous drinking.

Clearly an alcoholic. As hard as it is for your girlfriend she won't be able to change her mothers behaviour, that must come from her. She should 100% report her if she drives under the influence, it could be the shock she needs to change her behaviour.

This can't be real. If it is, she'll be dead very soon.

Bottle of wine a night and a couple of bottles at the weekend? Sounds pretty much like every one of my parents’ mates growing up. Same with dropping off at the pub on the way home and drinking 2-3 pints before going back and having a few more with dinner.

I don’t really drink but even I can see that this is an unhealthy amount of alcohol - just thought it was normal at the time. But don’t really think there’s anything that your gf can do - her mum’s a nurse, she’s aware of the issues. She makes her own choices, I’m afraid.

My sister dose the same and has started to shake alot. Also how dose she think straight and do a full timw job. She must be in a constant hang
over

Hi OP, not sure how old you and your girlfriend are. I'm guessing quite young if her parents have younger children. This is a lot for you to take on. Does her mum have parents or siblings/close friends that could stage an intervention or at least are aware of what's going on and be ready to offer support? Both parents must know they have significant problem drinking habits but sadly it often takes a crisis to address this.

This is not a lecture I promise. But please read my earlier reply to OP in which i detailed what happened to my SiL. The problem with drinking like this is that the effects don’t become apparent until serious damage has been done. Your blood results will include a liver function test which can come back as showing as healthy and normal, right up until your liver packs in. The end result is horrific and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Please try to cut back within the safe limits before it’s too late.

But presumably you aren’t in charge of patients/dealing out medication/inserting needles etc? If you were, would you still drink so much? I would be pretty unhappy if I knew my nurse was potentially hungover.

Your gf cannot cure her or stop her drinking

What she can do is
get support from al anon
She can write a note to her mum s gp
She can call police if she knows she is driving

She needs to speak to a counsellor and accept it is an illness she cannot cure and realise and understand her mom may die of it but it will not be gf fault

I repeatedly told my not so dm the same when I lived with her, made no difference, we just fell out a lot. She fell over this week and couldn’t get up (in her 80s and still necks a bottle a night). An ambulance was called then the fire brigade because nobody had a key. Shocking behaviour. This won’t stop her and nor will your gf telling her mum how much she drinks.

I’d suggest possibly alerting the police to a potential drink driver as she drives to work might, if you’re really lucky, give her the appropriate wake up call. She is drinking far too much to be safe the next morning.