Girlfriend mum drinks 9/11 bottles a wine a week

They are both functioning alcoholics.

dad drinks 6-8 cans a night = 17.6 units daily /= 123.2 units a week

mum drinks 1.5 bottles of wine a day = 15 units daily /= 110 units a week

recommended is 14 units per week

they both are unlikely to be around long term at this rate. Do they acknowledge they are problem drinkers?

I would be trying to find out what this wine is a coping strategy for. What is the issue she is facing that she needs wine in order to manage? Has something happened? Is she struggling with her work and finding it difficult? I imagine being a nurse she has seen and experienced some horrors and maybe something like a significant death has really hit her hard.

This lady’s drinking is at hazardous levels. She must feel revolting - constantly pissed or hungover.
I feel so sorry for her poor daughter - she must be worried sick.

Still better to speak up than to say nothing at all. Imagine if she causes serious harm to someone or kills someone and someone knew there was a problem but decided not to say anything. I wouldn’t want that on my conscience, would you?

The NMC provides guidance on how to raise concerns and encourages a culture of openness and support in healthcare settings.

Surely the hospital has a drugs and alcohol policy whereby they can actually test the individual for misuse.

While the individual may function "normally" their blood alcohol level must be off the scale.

It’s a lot but how have you worked that out? Most wine is under 10 units a bottle so 11x10 is 110 units.

Absent the alcoholic in question being filmed taking swigs from a bottle of vodka while they're on the ward, what constitutes proof in this context? Can an NHS manager insist that one of their staff takes a breathalyser test based on suspicion of being intoxicated?

They are functioning alcoholics which must be so worrying for your girlfriend.

I have no advice because they will be fully aware of how damaging it is but all your girlfriend can do is ask that they cut down for her sake and keep on.

I’m not sure why the first poster asked why she’s tracking it - I think this is a good way to show her parents exactly how much they’re drinking.
It’s like when you’re dieting, it’s good to track your food intake as often you can fool yourself into thinking you’re eating less.

I know. But without proof, they can’t actually do anything.

Send the person a copy or a printout of this

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4497210-Partner-does-not-want-me-to-drink or another thread like it

surely the hospital has picked up on this as surely her performance must have suffered
I only hope they have not ignored it and someone else suffers because of it.

Your gf would do well to attend Al-Anon for the relatives of alcoholics

Yes they are both alcoholics who will deny anything wrong

You’d be amazed at how people survive. My mum’s being doing similar for as long as I remember. She’s 87. She’s ended up in hospital this week for ‘only’ the 2nd time since my dad died, think he just ensured she didn’t hurt herself. She felt ‘unwell’, was hallucinating, but the nurses are putting it down to dehydration, again. I need to speak to them re her alcohol consumption.

Edit: they’re saying she needs respite care before going home (will she ever go home?) and she obviously won’t be allowed to drink or smoke. Probably too much to hope she’ll therefore give up, she’s always gone straight back to both post hospital visits.

Desperately trying to think of a wine-related 9/11 joke, but I've got nothing.

That's a lot of wine, she'll need professional help to stop otherwise she'll be facing serious effects of withdrawal. Has your gf spoken to your mother's gp about these concerns.

Alcoholics rarely are willing to hear that they need to stop. They have to be in a place in their own journey where they are ready.

your girlfriend can tell her parents that she has observed a problem.
Then she needs to step back.

She needs to set boundaries like not visiting during the time of day they tend to drink. She can also decline phone calls after a certain point in the day. She should not stay overnight in their home or let them stay overnight in hers. She should never holiday with them. If someday she has children, they absolutely under no circumstances, should ever be allowed to babysit.

There’s every point in reporting concerns to the employer and who knows they might be able to help / offer advice or signpost to someone who can. Serious incidents can be prevented/ reduced when people speak up. Risk of serious harm increases when people don’t speak about their concerns.

https://www.nmc.org.uk/concerns-nurses-midwives/raise-a-concern/

https://nursesdefenceservice.com/alcohol-misuse-and-nursing/

Perhaps she wants to shock her mother into realising how bad her problem is?

It's easy to be in denial until someone hands you the proof.

I know this is really not the point but when you say you drink more than you should, how much do you drink? I drink more than I should, which comes in at around 3 bottles of wine per week. Or 4. Okay, 4.

Agreed 👍

If someone is drinking that much every day then all they're doing is veering between "a bit pissed and hungover" to "completely wankered" every day. They're not spending any time properly sober. That level of alcohol consumption is cumulative and they're always at least a bit drunk. That level of drunkenness tends to bring with it a typical kind of pisshead chaos as they lurch from one alcohol-fuelled drama to the next.

The bugger of it is that there's nothing you can practically do about it. You can't lock them in a room to dry out against their will. Sure, you or I can look at their lives and see how much better they'd be if they stopped drowning themselves in alcohol but the crucial fact of the matter is that they don't have to agree with you. You have no moral or legal right to insist that they spend their lives the way you think they should. If they want to live out their days in a continual alcoholic haze then that's their right.

Instead, all you can do is try to minimise the damage to others. If that means contacting their manager to raise the risks of their alcohol intake on what they do for a living, or telling the police that they're piss-artists and drive while over the limit, then that's what should be done.

Having two alcohol-dependent parents must be hell. She's focusing on her mum, that's OK. Why question that FFS?

You will never change this persons behaviour until they are ready. You can highlight what they are drinking but they will just hide it from you in future. There are support groups out there for family members of alcoholics. And sadly at that drinking level this is what these people will be classified as. But they will never see it as they are ‘functioning’ and ‘have always done this’.

Personally I would but a few ‘quit lit’ books and leave them around. There are also online groups. I would then get support for your girlfriend to cope with this situation.
Good luck

Reading along with interest as I am in a similar situation. You have my sympathies OP xx

Trying to make someone else live by your values is unacceptable.