Page 4 | Girlfriend mum drinks 9/11 bottles a wine a week

Rosscameasdoody · 27/07/2025 22:28

llizzie · 27/07/2025 19:26

More than one bottle of wine a week - six glasses approx for women is harmful.

If they had been drinking as much as you say their health would have broken down a long time ago.

Their skins would be starting to yellow, as will the eyes. They will have liver problems and probably kidney and bladder problems.

The job of the liver and kidneys is to rid the body of poisons, and that much alcohol is definitely likely to poison them.

When you see the signs, that is the time to take it seriously. Before then, it is unwise to speak to them, because they might just take even more from obstinacy. Wait and see - or have a word with the GP if you have the same one. The GP would be able to send them for liver scans.

This is not correct. The harmful effects of alcohol are cumulative - you can drink high levels of alcohol for many years without any apparent effects and a liver function test can come back normal literally right before the liver packs up. Jaundice is one of the later stages of alcohol abuse, usually as a result of cirrhosis. My SiL drank two bottles of wine a day for over twenty years. Blood tests didn’t pick up anything abnormal. Her drinking was only picked up after she had several falls requiring hospitalisation and each time she had seizures because of alcohol withdrawal - the first we knew that anything was wrong. She carried on drinking in secret and eventually had a major seizure resulting in brain damage, and had to be sedated and put on life support, which was eventually withdrawn and she passed away. The major problem with alcohol damage is that often there are no outward signs until it’s too late.

PUGMEISTER21 · 27/07/2025 22:18

Zodiac82 · 26/07/2025 17:05

My girlfriend mum will drink easily between 9/11 bottles of wine a week and despite my girlfriend talking to her, she don't feel it is a issue.

The dad also drinks heavily, around 6/8 cans nightly. Both work full time, she works as a nurse.

My girlfriend made a diary of how much she drank at home in June and it was 47 bottles.

Now am I wrong in thinking that this is a insane amount of wine to be drinking on a weekly basis? I don't drink at all myself but having 1/2 bottles bottles each night seems crazy to me.

Nearly £6000 a year. That's a couple of decent holidays.

Zanatdy · 27/07/2025 22:06

That’s massively excessive and dangerous, especially with a pre teen. Try contacting the charity NACOA

nacoa.org.uk

youalright · 27/07/2025 21:58

Alexaremovethenotifications · 27/07/2025 18:04

Doesn’t mean it’s right!

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Where did I say it was ?

llizzie · 27/07/2025 21:57

FlipFlopVibe · 27/07/2025 21:40

“Wait and see”

Are we waiting till she kills her own child driving under the influence or when she over medicates someone at work?

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I think it unlikely that anyone would have success in influencing these people to stop drinking that much, if indeed they are.

They have to decide that for themselves.

If you have evidence that she was drinking while driving, then you have a duty to report that to the police, because there is a law against drinking and driving, and you do not have to tell them you have reported them.

You notify the police, giving them the registration number of the car, and they will tag her for a while and pull her over if they are suspicious.

It is all you can do.

FlipFlopVibe · 27/07/2025 21:40

llizzie · 27/07/2025 19:26

More than one bottle of wine a week - six glasses approx for women is harmful.

If they had been drinking as much as you say their health would have broken down a long time ago.

Their skins would be starting to yellow, as will the eyes. They will have liver problems and probably kidney and bladder problems.

The job of the liver and kidneys is to rid the body of poisons, and that much alcohol is definitely likely to poison them.

When you see the signs, that is the time to take it seriously. Before then, it is unwise to speak to them, because they might just take even more from obstinacy. Wait and see - or have a word with the GP if you have the same one. The GP would be able to send them for liver scans.

“Wait and see”

Are we waiting till she kills her own child driving under the influence or when she over medicates someone at work?

MrsMrsD · 27/07/2025 21:20

Well I hope she doesn't drive to work!! Surely she'd be over the limit drinking that much every week. Functioning alcoholics are a danger on the road!

croydon15 · 27/07/2025 20:58

MMUmum · 27/07/2025 17:55

I doubt she'll be safe to practice with that level of intake, she could be putting lives at risk as well as her professional registration

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This - Totally she shouldn't either drive or work with that amount of alcohol in her system, she's endangering other people life and her own daughter. Totally unreasonable.

Pandalott · 27/07/2025 20:23

Rafting2022 · 26/07/2025 17:06

What is she hoping to achieve by this documenting?

Probably to make her alcoholic parent realise they are a alcoholic. Sorry but I also dont think someone should be a nurse if they are a alcoholic they could easily make a mistake

bloominoreilly · 27/07/2025 19:39

I haven't read the whole post so someone may have already mentioned this, bit in case not, the mumsnet alcohol support forum could be helpful for your gf, or her mum - there's loads of fantastic advice & support on there www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support?order-by=newest

LillyPJ · 27/07/2025 19:28

Rosscameasdoody · 27/07/2025 19:10

I don’t think many people who drink moderately or slightly more than that actually consider the risk of oesophageal cancer. It’s real risk. Another very real possibility is oesophageal varisces, which can be life threatening and even fatal. At a certain level alcohol causes pressure on the portal vein - the blood supply to the liver. This causes a knock on effect which affects the venal supply to the throat, aggravated by the intake of alcohol and can cause bleeding. Often this is accompanied by ascites - free fluid in the abdomen caused by liver disease. It can also be fatal. None of these completely avoidable diseases are a pleasant way to die.

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The trouble is that drinkers probably know many of the dangers but they ignore them or somehow think they won't apply to them. Smokers do the same. You just have to hope that eventually something will sink in and they'll want to stop. Nobody can do it for them.

llizzie · 27/07/2025 19:26

More than one bottle of wine a week - six glasses approx for women is harmful.

If they had been drinking as much as you say their health would have broken down a long time ago.

Their skins would be starting to yellow, as will the eyes. They will have liver problems and probably kidney and bladder problems.

The job of the liver and kidneys is to rid the body of poisons, and that much alcohol is definitely likely to poison them.

When you see the signs, that is the time to take it seriously. Before then, it is unwise to speak to them, because they might just take even more from obstinacy. Wait and see - or have a word with the GP if you have the same one. The GP would be able to send them for liver scans.

llizzie · 27/07/2025 19:21

Zodiac82 · 26/07/2025 17:05

My girlfriend mum will drink easily between 9/11 bottles of wine a week and despite my girlfriend talking to her, she don't feel it is a issue.

The dad also drinks heavily, around 6/8 cans nightly. Both work full time, she works as a nurse.

My girlfriend made a diary of how much she drank at home in June and it was 47 bottles.

Now am I wrong in thinking that this is a insane amount of wine to be drinking on a weekly basis? I don't drink at all myself but having 1/2 bottles bottles each night seems crazy to me.

I don't believe it. I make a bottle of wine last a week. The best wines will keep that long in the fridge.

I have a whole fridge devoted to white wines and the red are in the cupboard. Did you know that Temu sell a wine rack specially sized to kitchen base units?

I buy them online auctions. Not always obviously cheap, but when you look up the vintages and Ai tell you which years were good, they are a good price, even with fees, especially if no one bids against you. You have to be registered to bid, and you have to pay shipping to your home.

Some people think that if you have lots of bottles of wine you must be addicted or an alcoholic, not realising that if you are an alcoholic, your fridge wouldn't be full of bottles, would it?

Unless you actually see someone drinking all those bottles of wine a week yourself, you cannot really say they do.

Rosscameasdoody · 27/07/2025 19:14

Zodiac82 · 26/07/2025 23:38

Thank you for all the responses, I have read every single one and appreciate all the feedback and advice given.

Have also shown my girlfriend the messages to and she thanks you also.

She did confront the mum about 2 months ago about the drinking, told her it makes her uncomfortable and how she is worried about how much she drinks.

The mum at first seemed understanding and said she will cut down a bit... but... literally that evening she returned back from shopping with wine/beer with her husband and both were laughing about it in front of my girlfriend. For some reason they think it's a joke.

Unfortunately her mum and dad are really not the kind of people who will ever listen or take advice from my girlfriend, believe me, they will just tell her to mind her own business or shut up.

My girlfriend is mainly worried about the youngest sister who is 11 (nearly 12) as the oldest sister has just moved out and my girlfriend goes back to uni in September. There hasn't been any volince or threats ect to the children but with the amount they drink in the evening, you can never be sure can you? One night something could happen when drunk.

I haven't mentioned the dad much as purely for the reason he will never ever listen to anyone, he does what he wants and god forbid anyone tells him any different. He will come home from work, sit in front of the TV, either watch sport all night or play Xbox and drink until 12/1am.

So my girlfriend has tried with the mum but so far no luck. Thank you though, with the feedback we will go away and think what to do next. Thank you

She needs to step back OP. They are on the road to self destruction. Problem is they don’t think it will happen to them because they’ve been doing this for a while with no adverse effects. The effect of alcohol on the body is cumulative. They will pay one day, and it will inevitably be too late for them to do anything about it. Better to take a step back and not involve yourselves too much. You can’t help someone unless they want to be helped.

Rosscameasdoody · 27/07/2025 19:12

3luckystars · 26/07/2025 22:37

That’s more than anyone I know!

How is she affording all of that wine? That’s an insane amount.

Yep. An average of 44 bottles of wine per month at an average of £7-8 per bottle. £300 or so per month.

Rosscameasdoody · 27/07/2025 19:10

Zempy · 27/07/2025 07:25

A friend of mine who is alcoholic has just been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in his early fifties. It’s terminal. And incredibly painful. Totally caused by his drinking.

This woman and her husband are aware of the risks but are choosing not to seek help for their addiction. There’s very little your GF can do about it. I would spend as little time with them as possible and hope GF can move out soon.

I don’t think many people who drink moderately or slightly more than that actually consider the risk of oesophageal cancer. It’s real risk. Another very real possibility is oesophageal varisces, which can be life threatening and even fatal. At a certain level alcohol causes pressure on the portal vein - the blood supply to the liver. This causes a knock on effect which affects the venal supply to the throat, aggravated by the intake of alcohol and can cause bleeding. Often this is accompanied by ascites - free fluid in the abdomen caused by liver disease. It can also be fatal. None of these completely avoidable diseases are a pleasant way to die.

Rosscameasdoody · 27/07/2025 19:03

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FFS this is someone’s life !!

pipthomson · 27/07/2025 19:02

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/07/2025 17:09

47 bottles of wine in a month is crazy. I’m not surprised your girlfriend is worried.

Has she contacted al anon
they would be best placed to advise rather than folk who have no/little experience with the disease of alcoholism
you can’t help anyone with an addiction unless they want to be helped
if you want peace you sometimes have to let them reach their own rock-bottom and recovery is then possible
there is no point in making your own life miserable you can be ready to give support but the alcoholic has to have a desire to stop

HardyCrow · 27/07/2025 18:56

SkintSingleMumm · 27/07/2025 14:20

Id be worried about leaving the 11year old in that situation. You could discuss with school/social services. Someone needs to safeguard her

Yes this is very important. I would focus on getting her to a safe place.

LillyPJ · 27/07/2025 18:45

HardyCrow · 27/07/2025 18:33

Does she drink alone/ with your dad or is some of it social drinking? Either way I agree you’re right to be concerned- especially if none of it is shared/social.

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With those amounts, I don't think it makes any difference if it's social drinking or drinking alone. It's just a huge, dangerous amount of alcohol.

StMarie4me · 27/07/2025 18:42

Sometimes she must be going to work with alcohol in her system. That’s very dangerous. I’d get her one of those morning after alcohol breath tests to see.

HardyCrow · 27/07/2025 18:33

Zodiac82 · 26/07/2025 17:05

My girlfriend mum will drink easily between 9/11 bottles of wine a week and despite my girlfriend talking to her, she don't feel it is a issue.

The dad also drinks heavily, around 6/8 cans nightly. Both work full time, she works as a nurse.

My girlfriend made a diary of how much she drank at home in June and it was 47 bottles.

Now am I wrong in thinking that this is a insane amount of wine to be drinking on a weekly basis? I don't drink at all myself but having 1/2 bottles bottles each night seems crazy to me.

Does she drink alone/ with your dad or is some of it social drinking? Either way I agree you’re right to be concerned- especially if none of it is shared/social.

GiveDogBone · 27/07/2025 18:30

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Lilywc · 27/07/2025 18:27

Zodiac82 · 26/07/2025 17:05

My girlfriend mum will drink easily between 9/11 bottles of wine a week and despite my girlfriend talking to her, she don't feel it is a issue.

The dad also drinks heavily, around 6/8 cans nightly. Both work full time, she works as a nurse.

My girlfriend made a diary of how much she drank at home in June and it was 47 bottles.

Now am I wrong in thinking that this is a insane amount of wine to be drinking on a weekly basis? I don't drink at all myself but having 1/2 bottles bottles each night seems crazy to me.

Cyrosis of the liver if she’s not careful
i know someone who did the same , they died 2yrs ago
very sad

Roco11 · 27/07/2025 18:14

It sounds as if your gf mum is a functioning alcoholic.
It is a lot of alcohol and your right to be concerned but until she recognises she has a problem there's not a lot she can do.