To ask dd to apologise to her dad?

My dm managed to break the handle on my washing machine, she's amazing and lends a hand but somehow pulled too hard and broke it. We actually managed to open it and use it very well using spoon in the space it broke off from.maybe worth a try 😉

You could take her to a laundrette to help with the backlog until you get the new part fitted? That would be another consequence. Stubbornness is perseverance on a good day so it can be an admirable quality.

How is accountability usually treated in the house?

She absolutely should apologise.

But I think jumping to punishment will teach her to hide her fuck ups. I think you need to first sit her down and say, we tell you things for a reason. You didnt listen and as a result have broken something expensive.

You need to tell her why she needs to apologise and what for, and you need to ask her what she thinks her responsibility is in correcting this mistake.. I.e. some of dads chores to make up for the time hes had to spend, a pocket money deduction towards repairs...

Id have a convo with her in theres no shame in needing to apologise and why accountability is important or I think you could fix this issue and still avoid a bigger problem

I’d have gone batshit tbh if it was my son (14) and he would most certainly also be paying for the repairs. I wouldn’t force the apology as I too think it’s pointless if they don’t mean it, but they do need to learn accountability for their actions and that there are consequences so I would be hammering it home exactly how much this has inconvenienced the entire family just because they don’t bloody listen. Tbf mine would probably apologise once all had calmed down anyway, which would be much more meaningful as I’d know he really meant it once he’d had time to reflect.
Teens, aren't they infuriating! 🤣

Of course the OP has probably broken things in her lifetime.
Are you really saying that when you break things belonging to other people, you just walk away and shrug?
OP's not asking her to fall on the floor and beg for forgiveness at her father's feet, just to apologise for something that was completely her fault.

13 is plenty old enough to understand when you say NOT to do something that will damage an appliance! She IS in the wrong and I’d take away privileges till she’s acknowledged it and apologises. Tears indicate she’s well aware of what she’s done,

Yes exactly this, a genuine apology two days later is better than lip service straight away.

Yes, she should apologise.

When I was that age I remember being asked to apologise and it really, really making me angry for some reason. I knew I'd done wrong and it made me really embarrassed to have to admit. If I had time to calm down, I would happily go and say sorry.

I’m sure she has broken things, I have, but I also had to face the consequences of that. Not just totally ignore it ever happened. This incident has caused stress and time wasted to her dad, it has cost family money to fix it, it has left the family without a machine for the immediate future.
This should be acknowledged and apologised for.
I can’t believe how many excuses are being made for the poor choices the teenager has made. Just own your mistake and help to fix it!
OP your consequences are entirely fair. She needs to address what she has done.

She should definitely apologise, so YANBU.

She 13
Have you never broke anything op?

Let it go

Oh come on

Of course she broke it.

I think it’s a good opportunity to explain that adults say ‘no’ or ‘don’t do xxxx’ to some things as we know it will break/do damage/we have experience of xxxx rather than just saying ’no’ because we don’t want you to do
it. My oldest DC really struggled with us making negative decisons at that age.

Absolutely confiscate the phone until you see better behaviour & an apology; any tech or xbox etc are your bargaining tools at this age.

Why shouldn't she apologise to her father who has had to spend his weekend trying to fix it?

I agree with you entirely OP. She pays for the broken part as a consequence of if ignoring you and breaking the machine. Her phone is taken because she can't interact properly with others and has shown her social development skills are behind, so needs to learn how to apologise for mistakes before getting it back.

I would require an apology, performative or not. It’s important for teenagers to acknowledge their behaviour had an impact on others even if that acknowledgment only comes because they were told to do it. Otherwise she skips through life thinking other people will run around clearing up her mistakes without even recognising that’s what’s happening.

I'm surprised she managed to do that, I hope she didn't flood the area where the machine is x

She’s 13, she’s fully aware of that … if that’s the lesson you are trying to teach, you are way too late.

I’m sure she didn’t break it on purpose, and show me the person on here who hasn’t broken something because you didn’t listen properly.. or chanced your arm.

What is it you want the apology for ? Not listening, trying to open the door, not telling the truth ?

I’m pretty sure she already knows she’s done something wrong, without having to ring a bell and shout “shame”

Maybe have a conversation, when it’s all calmed down. Let’s face it, as she gets older she’ll need to feel comfortable coming to talk to you about all sorts of errors and mistakes.. having healthy conversations now, helps with healthy conversations as an adult.

Yes, she should apologise. But think about the timing. My own teenage dd is very disregulated, and it's pointless asking her to apologise in the heat of the moment. She does always apologise once shes calmer, and I'd rather wait for that than force the words. I do sometimes say, "Ill be expecting an apology" but no more than that. I also wait for calm before I discuss consequences.