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Original poster

Catty friend of a friend- did I overreact?

38 replies

Lazy56789 · 26/07/2025 14:43

I've only met her a couple of times, she's very close with one of my main friends.
I should add that they both speak another language, one that I have a very good grasp of but I'm not totally fluent in, so sometimes I may not be able to express myself the same or come across as 100% confident.

We met up as a 3 and I thought it had gone well, then she said to my friend about me 'I could tell she was nervous', ok, fair enough.

I did a balayage for my friend and then apparently this woman said behind my back, "That's not how it's done, I'll do it next time." Then...didn't do it?

Tried to get to know her more and we chatted a bit on social media, then she said to my friend "Oh she sent me another long message today."

Not sure why the friend kept telling me this..
Anyway, we were on a train me and the friend, and I think they were messing about by text. The friend showed me a couple of daft memes and stuff.

Then the friend suddenly said, oh no sorry I really can't show you that one, it's pretty bad..
I wish id there and then asked what it was, because it was then eating away at me.
However I felt like I didn't have the 'right' to demand what the message said and it was my friend's private phone.

Anyway it was still eating at me later on, I ended up a bit upset because it just feels like being at school again. My friend admitted she'd been sent some goofy meme from this woman and said the picture reminded her of me.

I will never see this woman again, I can see she's a horrible person now. Apparently my friend was pretty annoyed and the friend apologised. I wish I'd just said it earlier, but you can't really force someone to show you a message can you?

I know it says everything about her and who she is. I don't know what's wrong with some people really.

OP posts:
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northernlites · 29/07/2025 10:32

Go and find some new friends who are worth your time and energy ;and show kindness not malice

Ohnobackagain · 29/07/2025 10:07

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 27/07/2025 17:03

Your "friend" - is she 5?!
"Ooh no I can't show you that one" why's she being such a little shit stirrer?
I'd be ditching the pair of them. Life's too short for childish games. Find yourself some grown up friends, or find your inner peace and enjoy the drama free life 🙂

This @Lazy56789 - they are both awful but I’m inclined to think your ‘friend’ is worse. They bring out the worst in each other, not to mention the second one is trying to get between you and the first. Just horrible.

Swiftie1878 · 29/07/2025 09:36

The ‘catty’ friend of a ‘friend’ sounds childish and nasty, but your ‘friend’ is vile for not shutting her down and having your back. She’s the one who owed you that, not the catty stranger.
Your anger is being (partially) misdirected.

Dearlucyloo · 29/07/2025 08:53

Surely OP you have other friends that are actually nice?

Hatty65 · 27/07/2025 18:53

Your friend is horrible. As is her friend.

Just avoid them both.

BellissimoGecko · 27/07/2025 18:50

DoneitagainhaventI · 26/07/2025 15:09

Your " friend " doesnt come out of this very well does she?
The pair of them sound childish and unpleasant.
Leave them to it and concentrate in your other friends OP.

This.

Judiezones · 27/07/2025 18:43

Both of them are horrible, your supposed friend is a stirrer. Cool your relationship with her, completely block the other one. Concentrate on your other friends.

Notwiththebullshizz · 27/07/2025 18:42

I actually think the 'friend' is the worst one in this situation.. why is she telling you all the nasty things the other women is saying? It's weird and gives off really bad vibes. She sounds like she's trying to upset you, is that really what a friend should be doing? I'd ditch her to be honest, who wants to be around someone like that anyway? Boring and childish!

Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 27/07/2025 18:31

I'd be ditching this so called 'friend' who seems to relish in telling you everything this other woman has said about you.
Your life will be so much better without this type of playground mentality.

Imaybeoldbutstillrandy · 27/07/2025 18:26

When I was first married to my late DH in 1988 we moved to Wales into the community where he'd spent his childhood. He came from a Welsh speaking family & lived amongst Welsh speaking people.

When we first moved into our house a neighbour came out to greet us saying to my DH (in Welsh) 'What's wrong with Welsh women that you couldn't marry one of them?' My DH answered, that it was none of her damn business who he married & he expected a welcome for his bride. We once went into a pub in Darkest Wales, I went to the bar to order drinks & everyone started talking in Welsh talking about 'in-comers'. Next round I go up & order the drinks in Welsh (having been coached by DH) - that shut them up & changed their attitude 😂

His family always spoke English when I was around & he made sure that his friends always spoke English around me. I learned to speak Welsh to a decent standard &, at my request so that I could learn, the family started to speak in Welsh around me, but were always very quick to translate - sometimes too quick(!) as I was learning the language & sometimes needed time to work out what had been said & my response. However I think that your friend was BU & excluding you as was the other friend - how very rude!

LaDeeDaDeeDumb · 27/07/2025 18:24

Hmm, if my ‘friend’ said something horrible about another friend I’d tell them what I thought about their bitchiness and I wouldn’t pass it on. Also, you only have her word that she defended you - I wonder if she had another reason to stop you from looking at the exchange…

Either way, you deserve better than this childishness!

LittlleMy · 27/07/2025 18:15

@Lazy56789 your primary friend does not sound a good person at all. Instead of ‘passing on’ these negative comments which surely as a grown woman she’d know would make you feel bad, she should have been privately reprimanding her friend and saying that sort of toxic behaviour is not okay an dealing with it behind the scenes without you knowing. But like I said, that’s if she was a good friend.

orangedream · 27/07/2025 17:54

It sounds like your friend doesn't want you to be friends with her friend, or she likes to upset you. I'd wonder if her friend really said any of this about you. Not nice of your friend to pass it on if she did.

LivingTheDreamish · 27/07/2025 17:46

Definitely have nothing more to do with this unpleasant woman. I would be cooling things off with your main friend too.

Mummypie21 · 27/07/2025 17:45

Silvers11 · 27/07/2025 17:36

@Lazy56789 - The 'friend' who keeps telling you what the other person is saying is NOT your friend at all. She is playing you off/ trying to put you off the other person or for some other unkind reason.

It sounds to me that your 'so called friend' is feeling threatened, maybe that you actually got on with the other person, and it may be that the other person did not say what your 'friend' is telling you at all?

This.

A long time ago (when I was at uni), I had a 'friend' who liked telling me that our mutual friend was saying horrible things about me behind my back. She would even say that she was annoyed on my behalf etc. however, it turned out that none of it was true (confirmed by other friends) and that she didn't want her friends to be all be friends in case she got left out.

JillMW · 27/07/2025 17:41

It sounds like your friend is not your friend. Passing on unkind comments and forwarding messages from someone else is always wrong. Your friend is editing this to stop the friend becoming your friend, she is jealous.

meganorks · 27/07/2025 17:39

I think you are looking in the wrong place. Your 'good' friend is the one stiring the pot. She is the one telling you what the other lady is saying. Why? And if she was a good friend, why would she have tolerated any of it? Rather than shutting her down straight away she's passing on the messages to you. The only possible reason for that is to make you feel shit. Ditch them both

Cluborange666 · 27/07/2025 17:37

Walk away.

Butchyrestingface · 27/07/2025 17:37

Lazy56789 · 26/07/2025 14:44

I think the friend telling me I definitely couldn't see it just sort of gave it away.

Are you absolutely SURE any of this stuff exists? Have you ever seen any of the messages?

I mean, your friend sounds like a prize class cow without even bringing the other woman's supposed offences into it.

Silvers11 · 27/07/2025 17:36

@Lazy56789 - The 'friend' who keeps telling you what the other person is saying is NOT your friend at all. She is playing you off/ trying to put you off the other person or for some other unkind reason.

It sounds to me that your 'so called friend' is feeling threatened, maybe that you actually got on with the other person, and it may be that the other person did not say what your 'friend' is telling you at all?

Sugargliderwombat · 27/07/2025 17:32

Both horrible. Drop them both.

godmum56 · 27/07/2025 17:10

ThatCatWitch · 27/07/2025 17:08

Your "friend" is playing you both off against each other. She needn't have said anything but revelled in the delight of seeing you squirm and feel bad.
That is not real friend behaviour.

[Edit- typo]

Edited

this.

ThatCatWitch · 27/07/2025 17:08

Your "friend" is playing you both off against each other. She needn't have said anything but revelled in the delight of seeing you squirm and feel bad.
That is not real friend behaviour.

[Edit- typo]

SparkyBlue · 27/07/2025 17:06

Your “friend “ is awful. I’d avoid both of them.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 27/07/2025 17:03

Your "friend" - is she 5?!
"Ooh no I can't show you that one" why's she being such a little shit stirrer?
I'd be ditching the pair of them. Life's too short for childish games. Find yourself some grown up friends, or find your inner peace and enjoy the drama free life 🙂