To think there are very few nice people here on Mumsnet anymore?

If I didn't care I wouldn't have asked what I should have said instead.

Not to pile on but I think that for every poster who finds the "here we go" unpleasant, there will another poster who will find the need to call someone out for a perfectly appropriate response unpleasant. People will find the initial "here we go" to be unpleasant and others will find having to constantly bite their tongue and re-read every comment for any possible way it could be offensive to be unpleasant. Some posters find it unpleasant when people take issue with comments they could've ignored while other posters find it unpleasant when everyone ignores comments they feel should've been called out.

People can will find complete polar opposite behaviours to be unpleasant.

Like I said in my earlier post, some people find it unpleasant when the OP lies and others find it unpleasant when people call the OP out for lying. Someone will always think someone is being mean.

I found the ‘here we go’ comment unnecessarily snide too. Of course it’s not a huge deal, and it’s hardly the nastiest thing anyone has said here! But there was an unpleasant edge to your dig, and I thought why bother saying that? Maybe the OP hadn’t seen a thread like this before. Comments like that contribute to the tone of a forum. I am sure you don’t care, but I do agree with the other poster.

I think it's too easy to jump to conclusions based on words on a screen.

Also find that you think so interesting.

One is a simple statement of fact. The other is a sort of written eye roll or could be taken that way. But perhaps Ilovesooty didn't mean it that way in this case.

But we are probably getting a bit off topic.

Naturally people assume, that posters on MN are all women, l just don’t believe that, because obvs anyone can comment and do, the person you’re referring to could have easily been a man.
I’m new to MN, from what l’ve seen, do think, it can get really nasty.Sadly there are people posting to stir up hatred, push their agenda.It’s off putting.

There are too many Pick Me women on this site who are competing to see who can be the most contrary.

It has become come trying and predictable.

Interesting
I think if you do make the point that these threads are a regular occurrence it's perhaps difficult to do so without people taking offence.

There is less humour than there used to be.

Fair enough.

Are you one of the mean girls?

I've been here 15 years. I agree with op.

Is it generational?

How old are you if you agree with @NaiceSnail ?

I'm fifty one.

If you have given a snarky reply, how old are you?

I agree and I think its because the user-base grew massively following penis-beaker.

Now, it reflects society generally, so you dont get the reasoned, thoughtful, insightful responses you would have received say 15 or twenty years ago. Now, the responses feel more like those you'd receive on Facebook.

Honestly? I think it is more blunt BUT i also think a lot of posters come on here who think they will get:

• validation
• instant agreement with their position
• sympathy and virtual hugs for having made every possible mistake while planning the next one

Lots of posters will come on asking for advice but then make very clear they are going to argue with/ignore all of it. This tends to get people's backs up!

Its really worrying how lacking in resilience a lot posters are. They seem to have literally no clue how to be adults, manage challenges, cope with disappointments, control their kids etc.

I know i'll get flamed for saying it but hey.

Interestingly, I don’t think of myself as mean but I do probably spend more time in AIBU than on any other board. I definitely try to be constructive and measured even if I’m disagreeing. Perhaps I don’t always manage it?

There’s always been an element of rudeness or nastiness here - and I’ve been around for almost 20 years.

It manifests itself in different ways, though. Back in the day it was very cliquey, with constant calls to ‘MSN, now!’, making it clear that you were either ‘in’ or ‘out’.

As the site has grown, the demographic has also changed and it’s now much more reflective of the whole population, I believe. So you get a much more diverse range of views. And that can provoke strong responses.

One thing I do see more of, though, is people calling ‘bully’ when they’re being disagreed with. Along with the expectation that we should all #BeKind, which is never going to happen! The joy of being online is the freedom to express ourselves genuinely, without having to couch responses such that we don’t offend people. Online interaction is very different from face-to-face interaction, which makes it more direct. Which can be seen as blunt or rude.

As PP have said, if all you read on MN is AIBU, you’re really not seeing what posters are actually like. There’s a huge amount of support here on the various boards. AIBU exists to provoke argument and dissension, therefore it can easily be taken as being nasty or rude.

There’s definitely a “thick and angry” crowd that likes to start conflicts on whatever thread catches their attention. I’m not a very frequent poster but I also disabled notifications ages ago and only check back on a handful of threads where I’m interacting with the OP, and then usually only check their posts. So the 🧌 are welcome to scream into the void at me if they like. I never even see it. 😂

Style and Beauty is getting almost as bad as AIBU / Chat in some threads now.

Also the moderation is much much better than it was before. If you report a post these day, they act really quickly on it, but you do have to report them.

You need to go into the smaller forum areas like SEN and the subgroups of health, or gardening, or style and beauty.

Then change your username practically every time you start a new thread.

Never ever post on AIBU.

Also, I am on X and although I was horrified about how rude people are there, it's almost worse here because it's more personal.

On X you might be called a rape gang apologist because you voted for Starmer. Here you get told that it's no wonder everyone hates you because you're a doormat.

And the crazies come out at night time along with the very far fetched scenarios.
I've been on here about five years and have learned don't get dragged into pointless rows about hypothetical scenarios.
I name change regularly and have deleted and registered not for nefarious reasons perhaps an overshare on personal matters and depends what my favourite record is at the time of writing. 😁

I've been around for about 8 years now and a post saying how it's got mean has gone up about once a week since I joined... I don't think it's meaner. If anything, I think people are increasingly likely to bleat that others are mean for calling out poor behaviour.

Increasingly, the OP will say things that blatantly aren't true or are biased or unfair. Posters will point that out and, when the OP insists that their lie is true, posters are accused of being mean bullies if they don't just pretend to believe the lie.

Like, OP will say that their DH went to the shop then went to the football and she phoned at football to ask him to buy tampons and he said he wouldn't have time to buy it before the shops close at 4 on a Sunday. OP will be told she WBU because he was already at the football and then OP would suddenly claim that he was actually still inside the shop when she spoke to him on the phone. Posters will point out she's changing her story and OP will insist she hasn't changed her story at all.

It used to be that people would realise OP just wouldn't accept she's wrong and is twisting things to try and sway the vote afterwards. Now, there's a solid group of posters who pop up and say that OP has clarified (i.e. conveniently completely changed her story) and that we all now have to believe the new story or we're bullies...

Like someone else said, the level of critical thinking skills has plummeted.

Well, I feel like I'm seeing more of this on mumsnet compared to a year or so ago, never mind gransnet. Some of it worries me, where Christian actually means in favour of right wing mysogynistic views and pro life means discouraging the autonomy of women. As well as the undermining of diagnosis, and the 'we're all a bit austistic' brigade, which I strongly suspect is being fuelled/encouraged/planted by the government who are shortly going to try to cut the cost of SEN support.

I think people are too scared of being outed so there are a lot less interesting threads.
Things changed after penis breaker!

Some people really seem to get a dopamine hit from kicking someone while they're down - either ignoring or not caring that there is a human behind the username.

Yes sometimes people need to hear home truths but there are ways to go about that.