Withdrawing my offer AIBU

Ignore this cf. Tell the group leader about the nasty email you got and that this is why you are not communicating with this person anymore. The cf should be thrown out of the group.

Ah! MN at its best. Another ‘CF’. Didn’t attend. Not your problem. It’s the magic of being an adult; CF sorts herself out.

Stand your ground @Marmaladelover

I would forward it on to every man and his dog involved at the club and say I received this and it was very upsetting at a stressful time . I would also add that she would not be welcome to any further classes that you will be tutoring due to her extreme insensitivity and rudeness. one of the others might be able to point out that the Internet has been around for quite some time and she could try using that for some instructions and in future she either attends or she doesn't attend and if she doesn't attend/stay then she gets nowt.

I would be replying to the group leader along the lines of … I’ve no intention of responding to the former member who has been spiteful and unpleasant to me. If anyone should be ‘clearing the air’ it’s her!

Personally I admire your reserve in just telling her you won’t pass on instructions. I think I would have lost my mind, the sheer audacity. I do hope your parents are on the mend.

Well done OP.
Be wary of that "Leader" who would encourage you to accept verbal abuse from members.

That is toxic and unhinged.

It needs pointing out via email that your volunteering does not extend to include accepting verbal abuse from members and you object to being encouraged to do so!

But her presence is NOT welcome!

Your group leader really needs to grow a spine, or at least some perspective.

It’s an example of no good deed goes unpunished too. She missed the session. You still kindly have her the spare kit, she couldn’t stay whilst you explained and then life got in way. Anyone else would have looked online or asked another member how to do it if they were desperate to get it done knowing you were dealing with really ill parents.

Sorry your leader is spineless. I’d tell her you have no intention of ‘clearing the air’, leave it at that; and carry on as usual. If they pander to this woman and she does return, you might have to walk away. If the leader doesn’t recognise the value of skilled volunteers, this group isn’t going to last long is it?

I’d be appalled at the woman chasing and the response from group leader. I’d step away from group and say why.

I don't know what the kit is but can't she look on YouTube, there's videos for just about everything. Rude woman .

Reading your update OP, your group leader needs to recalibrate the balance between being inclusive and retaining skilled volunteer activity leaders. It's one thing biting your tongue over the odd rude comment from someone who is socially awkward. But quite another to expect volunteers to put up with a vicious diatribe aimed at your family. This woman needs to be told that she absolutely cannot speak to people like that, social issues or not.

Fuck me, your group leader is a spineless twat!!

Don’t let that nasty woman try to hold your group to ransom and I’m sure that the other group members will back you.

You always get the odd ‘Mary’ in these groups but luckily in my sewing/craft group (that’s been going for about 10yrs now), we’ve learnt to sniff them out early before they can become a fixture. Anyone who joins the group does so on a probationary basis initially to ensure they fit in and they’re not cheeky fuckers.

We don’t have a group leader as such but we have members with particular strengths: garment sewing, quilting, embroidery, weaving etc. and they might run a session to share their knowledge.

We have one member who likes to ‘be kind’ but she gets over-ruled by the majority who won’t tolerate bullshit. I suspect she’s secretly pleased that at least 3 of us have an excellent bullshit radar and are pretty assertive mainly due to our previous employment roles so she never has to have the tricky conversation. 😂

I think this would really sour the group for me and would leave.

They can then have the other lady back which is what it appears they ultimately want

I LOVE how you're advocating for yourself. Good for you

Another one for the CF Thread..

Oh we all have to "Be Kind".... regardless of the situation or the persons involved... didn't you get the memo?😕
This is why I don't 'do' clubs etc.... just won't tolerate this nonsense...

I think that it would have been better to get in contact with the group leader forwarding the email rather than responding direct. Then they could have explained in vague terms your absence and taken over the delivery of instruction. This lady’s ability to continue to access the group is rightly the main issue.

Are you sure she was being intentionally rude rather than displaying social communication issues? Perhaps try reading your leader’s comments in this respect or just speak to them.

ATM your playing top trumps over reasonable adjustment for known disability and your own personal circumstances. Assuming you volunteer for a group inclusive to those with physical and communication disabilities you won’t ‘win’. You can resign obviously but it will just be concluded that your suitability was the issue.

Just because someone has a disability it doesn’t mean they can be unkind to people.

I’d be asking your leader what part of the message from this woman was ‘confusing’!

Good grief. Your leader is utterly ridiculous. So you can be called silly and selfish but you’re not allowed to say that that it isn’t appropriate?!

'fuck off' is a great instruction imo.

It sounds like people are worried they will be labeled as discriminating against her that they will do anything to keep her happy. I think this lady knows this and uses it to her advantage.

I can't see how you have done anything wrong. It was lovely of you to offer to do the instructions and it sounds like you would have still done them despite everything you had going on if she hadn't been so rude. Most people would have been understanding when you emailed to say what had been going on and would have told you not to worry.

I hope she doesn't make things awkward in this group for you.

She called you selfish??!!
People never cease to amaze me. What a horrible thing to say to you! You must have been so worried about your parents and then to get back and receive that message 😳

I am so glad your parents are much better. I wish them a speedy recovery. And I wish the complaining woman to always find her cups of tea slightly too cold.

You are not even in the slightest bit unreasonable.
I hope the leaders support you 100%

Cross post - Ive just seen your update. The leaders are asking you to clear the air??!! WTF!! She needs to apologise to you. It’s not for you to ‘make amends’ or whatever stupid arse phrase will be banded about.