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AIBU?

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Original poster

Withdrawing my offer AIBU

134 replies

Marmaladelover · 26/07/2025 10:06

No not a house offer . ….
So I belong to a craft group , part of a larger club. We tutor it ourselves , me and a couple of others doing the lions share with maybe a dozen regular members and a few extras. Last month it was my turn again. Tutoring is completely free, members pay a nominal sum for materials only.

One person was booked to join in but on the day was sick , as she had paid for her kit, I gave it to her ( she turned up for it but couldn’t stay ) I was put on the spot but foolishly offered to write up instructions.

Then both my parents became seriously ill and I had to go away and visit in hospital , then look after at home. It was lucky both survived tbh. They are now on the mend. I’ll be visiting again soon when my siblings need to go home.

A few days ago , when just back , I got a reminder from her for the instructions promised. I wrote a line explaining what had happened and I would do it once I was sorted.

Then I got another email saying how “silly” I was to pander to my parents being ill , the implication being I should have used my time more wisely writing up her crappy instructions. I saw red and told her that I had not liked the tone of her email , being called “silly” for prioritising my parents. I withdrew my offer of the instructions. She is now furious, knowing her she will appeal to the club leader. I’m not being UR am I ? Just waiting for even more fallout tbh.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 28/07/2025 16:30

This is a problem with getting into arguments, blame often not distributed fairly. I remember getting into a row with someone very unreasonable when I was in my 20s and expecting the fact that they were in the wrong to stand in my favour. I still got the both sides argument. So frustrating.

Dontbeme · 28/07/2025 16:20

There are so many clubs that get way too comfortable relying on dependable volunteers holding things together, that the leaders start treating the volunteers like crap then act shocked at people walking out, leaving the club high and dry. I walked away from a club I enjoyed after being treated as an unpaid employee by the committee and being berated for stuff that was nothing to do with me, when I left two others followed a few weeks later and the club shut down completely within four months. I don't miss the daily phone calls, giving up every weekend, being shouted at, being on the receiving end of snotty comments that were trying to humiliate me. I do miss the sport but by the end I wasn't getting to do the sport as I was basically paying my club fees to do admin work.

Onwards and upwards OP, hope you have the support of others in the group or find a new group.

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 28/07/2025 15:24

Good for you for standing up for yourself and for sharing the communications with the others. The complaining person is doubtless used to everyone pandering to her. It's like the emperor's new clothes - she can say what she likes and nobody is supposed to notice? No. It's not doing anyone any favours. Had you capitulated, not only would the complainer be emboldened to continue and even increase these behaviours, but this type of low-level stress can affect your sleep and your mood for days.
It's absolutely for the best that she leaves and well done for pointing out that you were ready to leave yourself over this.

I hope you don't feel alone and that others in the group openly support you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/07/2025 15:21

The leader really needs to give her head a wobble - 'both sides' indeed!

Ohnobackagain · 28/07/2025 15:14

@Marmaladelover all I can say is any reasonable person would see she burned her bridges when she dragged your family commitments into it. Bang out of order. I hope the committee peeps will see that. Maybe it’s just the ‘public facing’ version (I mean public to committee not outside). Grrrr on your behalf.

Original poster
Marmaladelover · 28/07/2025 14:21

Another update
Her resignation has been accepted but in the email informing the rest of the committee, the leader has used a “both sides” argument and in a WhatsApp message been a bit sarcastic about my “eloquence”at my brief summary in response giving my side . Responses back from the rest of the committee understandably saying what a sad situation she had to resign.

i have sent all the emails to all the committee so they can see for themselves if they want.

OP posts:
NotThisShitAgain121 · 28/07/2025 11:50

Tell her to go fuck herself. Cheeky entitled bitch. Tell everyone exactly what she said to you as well. I would be fucking livid.

Sadworld23 · 28/07/2025 09:32

Tbh I'd step out of the group for a while til things settle down. Or find a new group.

And yes I suspect this woman will try to create a big kerfuffle over this, no matter how you try there's no coming back til she leaves.

The group leaders made their choice imo now they live with it.

thebigyearahead · 27/07/2025 22:07

Let the leader sort it out now. Step back and disengage with any gathering that involves this rude lady.

Cakeandusername · 27/07/2025 22:00

She knows where you live though?
I’d make sure the other members are aware of situation as she’ll no doubt be bad mouthing you.

Original poster
Marmaladelover · 27/07/2025 21:55

I wouldn't be worried about my safety unless she turned up at my house or confronted me in the street. So i wont be contacting the police at the moment.

OP posts:
Hiptothisjive · 27/07/2025 21:54

What kind of communist crafting cult is this?

Cakeandusername · 27/07/2025 21:53

Please don’t respond or engage further with her for your own sake. Hopefully the leader will ban her.

Aoppley · 27/07/2025 21:52

She's insane and I'd be worried she might harass you. I'm glad the leader might be on your side now.

Is there any chance you could start another group with people from the current group who are actually nice? Personally I don't think I could stay in the group after how the leader asked you to be conciliatory.

Hope you never have to see that nutjob woman again!

Londonrach1 · 27/07/2025 21:52

Report her to police but personal id leave the group and find another one...the leaders don't have your back. Rude nasty lady

ButterCrackers · 27/07/2025 21:44

Marmaladelover · 27/07/2025 21:36

Another update :
Against much advice on here ,i did decide to be conciliatory . I was mindful of what @PocketSand said on here and a RL friend said similar as did DH . I enjoy the group and don't really want to leave.

In my email today i did say that an apology for her poor choice of wording would mean we could put the incident behind us .

Well that was like a red rag to a bull. I have received a number of emails calling me , amongst stuff:- a bully , intimidating , disorganised , flustered , spiteful , aggressive and that she is thinking of getting a solicitor in order to sue me for slander! All because withdrew my offer of instructions .

And she played the disability card big time ( i am disabled myself - its somewhat hidden and i don’t flout it , but has in the past been very debilitating , just throwing that in , in case anyone thinks i am not mindful of disability) i dont think she realises.

The only good thing about all if that the leader was copied in on them too, so she can see how barmy things actually are .And she advised me not to respond. And said she thought my reaching out was fair and conciliatory .

So maybe i might have the leaders back now .

Edited

I’d say to have a word with the local police about this person. She’s seems unhinged. Update them and see what advice they can offer about your safety. They’lll probably say to block her as a first step and you can inform the group leader that you blocked her on police advice. It’s an odd way for this group member to react so do take it further.

Original poster
Marmaladelover · 27/07/2025 21:43

Spinmerightroundbaby · 27/07/2025 21:39

Good idea. Agree with this!

Show quote history

Maybe read my updates at least @Spinmerightroundbaby ! Its moved on a bit more now ….

OP posts:
FloofyKat · 27/07/2025 21:42

This woman sounds very foolish. She’s realised she’s been backed into a corner, and rather than saying she was sorry for her wording, now let’s move on, she’s chosen to fight with more unwarranted unpleasantness. I do hope she leaves you and the group alone from now on, and that you can get on with your crafty activities!

Spinmerightroundbaby · 27/07/2025 21:39

Vaxtable · 26/07/2025 10:10

I would get in first. Contact the club leader explain what’s happened and ask then to ask one of the others who attended to give instructions to this woman

Good idea. Agree with this!

Original poster
Marmaladelover · 27/07/2025 21:36

Another update :
Against much advice on here ,i did decide to be conciliatory . I was mindful of what @PocketSand said on here and a RL friend said similar as did DH . I enjoy the group and don't really want to leave.

In my email today i did say that an apology for her poor choice of wording would mean we could put the incident behind us .

Well that was like a red rag to a bull. I have received a number of emails calling me , amongst stuff:- a bully , intimidating , disorganised , flustered , spiteful , aggressive and that she is thinking of getting a solicitor in order to sue me for slander! All because withdrew my offer of instructions .

And she played the disability card big time ( i am disabled myself - its somewhat hidden and i don’t flout it , but has in the past been very debilitating , just throwing that in , in case anyone thinks i am not mindful of disability) i dont think she realises.

The only good thing about all if that the leader was copied in on them too, so she can see how barmy things actually are .And she advised me not to respond. And said she thought my reaching out was fair and conciliatory .

So maybe i might have the leaders back now .

OP posts:
BernardButlersBra · 27/07/2025 20:21

Spiteful?! She's tone deaf and obnoxious. Zero chance of me trying to placate her under these circumstances and back story. She sounds vile

istheresomethingishouldsay · 27/07/2025 20:17

You can be disabled and not at asshole.
You can be disabled and an asshole.
The lady was the latter.

BySassyGreenPanda · 27/07/2025 19:23

Silly for prioritising your parents over a favour......

This is where we are folks.

I had a friend scrunch up her face when I said I planned to step up as my parents wanted to remain in their own home. Another asked several times ''yeah, but you're not going to look after them are you? You're not are you?''
Yes, yes I am.

They're currently in their 80s and very active. The only current help they need is to set up their new TV 😂

Hisredipad · 27/07/2025 19:23

Id offer her the chance to return the kit and have her money refunded and then in future have a disclaimer on anything you do that you won’t be writing up instructions for non attendance. ie. Cover yourself beforehand.

I run something very similar to what you do, I often see if I can find a YouTube video of the things I want to make so if something happens and someone can’t attend I text them a link to the video.

doing things for free gets you no real thanks imo, I often wonder why I do it tbh. But I do get a buzz out of passing on the skills of crafting and on the whole everyone is always appreciative but of course there’s always going to be that ONE person.

GiveDogBone · 27/07/2025 18:40

She’s a needy, entitled Karen. Block her.