Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Withdrawing my offer AIBU

134 replies

Marmaladelover · 26/07/2025 10:06

No not a house offer . ….
So I belong to a craft group , part of a larger club. We tutor it ourselves , me and a couple of others doing the lions share with maybe a dozen regular members and a few extras. Last month it was my turn again. Tutoring is completely free, members pay a nominal sum for materials only.

One person was booked to join in but on the day was sick , as she had paid for her kit, I gave it to her ( she turned up for it but couldn’t stay ) I was put on the spot but foolishly offered to write up instructions.

Then both my parents became seriously ill and I had to go away and visit in hospital , then look after at home. It was lucky both survived tbh. They are now on the mend. I’ll be visiting again soon when my siblings need to go home.

A few days ago , when just back , I got a reminder from her for the instructions promised. I wrote a line explaining what had happened and I would do it once I was sorted.

Then I got another email saying how “silly” I was to pander to my parents being ill , the implication being I should have used my time more wisely writing up her crappy instructions. I saw red and told her that I had not liked the tone of her email , being called “silly” for prioritising my parents. I withdrew my offer of the instructions. She is now furious, knowing her she will appeal to the club leader. I’m not being UR am I ? Just waiting for even more fallout tbh.

OP posts:
Cakeandusername · 29/07/2025 11:35

You’ve done the right thing. I’d look for another group.

Elmaas · 29/07/2025 11:27

I cannot stand when people think they are superior by being able to see both sides of a situation, when in fact it was cut and dried with one person being completely wrong and someone innocent.

I feel it is extremely dishonest and I will have no part in it.

I witnessed it in a situation involving a children's sport. I called it out, went very public and said my children would have no part of it.

It caused a lot of upset and people were very embarrassed to be exposed.

They are very wary of me to this day.

OP, you have done the right thing.

The Leader's actions are worse than that batshit womens behaviour IMO.

TheMimsy · 29/07/2025 11:14

I’m so sorry you experienced this. I do a lot of volunteering and act on many committees and think the leadership and business skills needed are massively underrated in some organisations.

GreenWheat · 29/07/2025 10:53

Goodness me, what a bunch of people pleasing fools the committee are. I just can't believe this wasn't nipped in the bud by the leader.

Dozer · 29/07/2025 10:36

Sorry you encountered this person while volunteering.

Group leader handled it poorly throughout. Unfair treatment of you by her.

Makes sense to withdraw from the committee and responsibilities. If there’s anyone from the group you like most would focus on interacting mostly with them.

ButterCrackers · 29/07/2025 10:31

Marmaladelover · 29/07/2025 10:13

I have resigned from the committee purely because of the leaders “both sides comment - It's a great shame that these two ladies couldn't see each other's point of view.

After the vitriol poured out to me over the weekend , i felt that this was unfair and certainly gave the other committee members the impression it was less one sided than it was.

i want to stay on in the group so i have only resigned from the committee and the many roles i have ( about 3 ). I don't mind staying on as a craft tutor if expectations are reiterated to members.

If even one committee member gad contacted me i might have stayed . They didn’t , so I am off!

Thanks for all the overwhelming support on here . It was really appreciated .

That’s so nasty of the committee. You suffered from this cf. I’d say to leave the group completely. Find another group and enjoy your crafting again.

Original poster
Marmaladelover · 29/07/2025 10:13

I have resigned from the committee purely because of the leaders “both sides comment - It's a great shame that these two ladies couldn't see each other's point of view.

After the vitriol poured out to me over the weekend , i felt that this was unfair and certainly gave the other committee members the impression it was less one sided than it was.

i want to stay on in the group so i have only resigned from the committee and the many roles i have ( about 3 ). I don't mind staying on as a craft tutor if expectations are reiterated to members.

If even one committee member gad contacted me i might have stayed . They didn’t , so I am off!

Thanks for all the overwhelming support on here . It was really appreciated .

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 29/07/2025 09:50

sorry I see it has moved on - its such a shame when the committee make excuses for bad behaviour, instead of just admitting its bad behaviour

MikeRafone · 29/07/2025 09:46

Id put in a complaint about her behaviour and request a suspension of her membership and a possible ban for her disgusting behaviour. Why would a voluntary club want memberships from people with this type of attitude?

HisNibs · 28/07/2025 18:38

It would appear that the group leader is in need of a pair of tweezers -- to pull the splinters out of her arse. Hopefully you'll get better support from others in the committee OP.

FloofyKat · 28/07/2025 17:45

Disappointing response from the group leader - sounds like she is trying to cover her back and falling over herself in the process. I’m not sure I’d want to be part of a group which isn’t able to name bad behaviour for what it is - and call it out.

Makingitupaswegoalong · 28/07/2025 17:39

Marmaladelover · 26/07/2025 12:52

I suppose i have already in a way. Though not using that language . I told her didn't appreciate her tone . That my parents had nearly died and that I was withdrawing my offer.

She called me spiteful!

Show quote history

She sounds deranged!

MageQueen · 28/07/2025 17:37

Marmaladelover · 28/07/2025 17:25

Not sure , i don't want to leave the whole group which is why i ate a bit of humble pie and tried to clear the air.

Not sure about staying on the committee though . Ill see if i get any private support and then resign if I don’t .

Already burnt some bridges by being gender critical at committee. Don’t think they will see it as any loss if I do.

Show quote history

Aah, but it will be.

I was on the PTA. Spent a few years as chair/co-chair and we worked really hard to be inclusive and make improvements. Successfully. When I stepped down from committee, I remained on the PTA. Until there was an incident not entirely different to the one you are experiencing (not quite the same, but similar sort of thing). Anyway, after that, I stepped back and refused to have anything to do with the PTA. A number o fothe rpeople, aroudn the same time, also stepped away.

We are on the verge of having to cancel the school summer and christmas fairs because they can't get volunteers. Because the reality is that they've made it so unpleasant the people who made the effort aren't willing and with people like us gone, all the others who could be cajoled into helping out aren't being.

The same will happen with your group, I'm sure.

Cakeandusername · 28/07/2025 17:27

I wouldn’t go anywhere group where leader has shown she’s not listened to you and acted so weakly. If there’s a serious allegation made in future eg you touching someone or stealing she’ll hang you out to dry.

Original poster
Marmaladelover · 28/07/2025 17:25

Aoppley · 28/07/2025 16:39

I'm so angry on your behalf, OP!! Why do they care if this rude woman resigns?!

Do you feel comfortable still being part of this group after this??

Not sure , i don't want to leave the whole group which is why i ate a bit of humble pie and tried to clear the air.

Not sure about staying on the committee though . Ill see if i get any private support and then resign if I don’t .

Already burnt some bridges by being gender critical at committee. Don’t think they will see it as any loss if I do.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 28/07/2025 17:17

Why would you want to carry on at that place? What a load of arseholes.

I’d start my own group without either the leader or any of the drama the arsehole wants to create.

Something similar happened to me a while back in a group I created. I left after two women were racist and unpleasant. I confronted them and left.

Slowly all of the others messaged me separately and asked if we could meet separately. Which we do without the two witches who feel affronted. And which I secretly rather enjoy.

chunkybear · 28/07/2025 17:16

Wow she sounds unhinged! I hope your parents recover soon

Cakeandusername · 28/07/2025 17:08

Seriously op don’t volunteer there again. There’s other groups who would appreciate you.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 28/07/2025 17:08

Once witnessed at a church craft hobby group one lady in her late 70's clobber an older lady in a wheelchair outside the church... Over hierarchy of the bloody craft group.
If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I would never have believed it..
I only went to give my mate a lift home.

Thems with knitting needles and crochet hooks aren't always trustworthy ime!!

MageQueen · 28/07/2025 17:04

Marmaladelover · 28/07/2025 14:21

Another update
Her resignation has been accepted but in the email informing the rest of the committee, the leader has used a “both sides” argument and in a WhatsApp message been a bit sarcastic about my “eloquence”at my brief summary in response giving my side . Responses back from the rest of the committee understandably saying what a sad situation she had to resign.

i have sent all the emails to all the committee so they can see for themselves if they want.

what i really hate is that when one person behaves like this, there's still this "both sides" bullshit and no one else is wililng to stand up and say, "No, this is not acceptable."

I'm sorry that the group are letting you down a bit. Hopefully once this woman has gone you can get back into things. But I think you need to be prepared to feel a bit disappointed and less enthusiastic because of the committee's response.

Fibrous · 28/07/2025 16:58

What a bitch!

DruidKnight · 28/07/2025 16:56

Good grief, it's a craft hobby group, not a government defence committee! Nobody has time for that kind of crap. Run away from the lot of them, OP. The leader sounds completely useless. And has this unhinged woman not got access to YouTube?!? There's a tutorial for everything on there!

DiscoBob · 28/07/2025 16:42

I can barely believe someone would call you silly when you explained both your parents nearly died. 'Silly'?! Does she know what that word means?

I'd have responded by saying the only thing that's 'silly' is her appalling uncompassionate attitude and entitlement. And 'try googling the instructions, unless you really are that silly that you can't work out how to do that. And please do tell the leader, I'll have already forwarded your rude email to them so they'll be expecting to speak to you.'

Aoppley · 28/07/2025 16:39

I'm so angry on your behalf, OP!! Why do they care if this rude woman resigns?!

Do you feel comfortable still being part of this group after this??

GreenWheat · 28/07/2025 16:34

Jesus christ, the leader is absolutely spineless. She should have said, "We have accepted Cheeky Cow's resignation following unacceptable remarks made earlier this week to one of our valued volunteers"