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AIBU?

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Original poster

Don't want to go out to dinner with this family member.

89 replies

Poodlelove · 26/07/2025 09:05

They have 2 teenagers who have always sat at the table on their phones.
The mum orders for them as they can't keep their eyes off their phones.
They don't eat all of their main meal but both parents then ask them if they want dessert , and they always mumble " yes".
Then the mother asks them what they want and they don't look at the menu , she reads the menu to them.
They get asked if they want another drink so they quickly drink up their current drink and order another.
To me going out for a meal is a treat but to them it's a weekly thing.I cannot justify spending so much money on a meal , we decide if we are going to have a starter or a dessert , I know it sounds like we are tight but really we don't earn enough to budget for this unless it is for a special occasion.
This family are coming to visit again soon and have invited other people too.Everone is apparently looking forward to it , where as I am working all day ( minimum wage) and dreading it.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Brendahollowayreconsider · 26/07/2025 09:52

RantzNotBantz · 26/07/2025 09:24

‘Great, let’s get separate bills now that the group is growing’

And a separate restaurant 🤣🤣

Daffodilsarefading · 26/07/2025 09:47

Just don’t go.

Zempy · 26/07/2025 09:44

Just say sorry, you can’t make it.

ladyinwaiting99 · 26/07/2025 09:29

Are you paying for it all? Because your comments about the teens ordering extra drinks, desserts when they haven’t finished etc only really make sense if you’re paying. That being the case I’d suggest that you haven’t really got the cash to treat everybody and perhaps invite them to yours for a BBQ or something? Or just ask if you can split the bill?

If you’re not paying and it’s purely that the teens irritate you…they probably hate the family gathering too but don’t have a choice about going. Have your tried talking to them about something that interests them?
or…sit at the other end of the table and ignore.

RantzNotBantz · 26/07/2025 09:24

‘Great, let’s get separate bills now that the group is growing’

Cutleryclaire · 26/07/2025 09:24

Walkerzoo · 26/07/2025 09:21

Teenagers on phones doesn't bother me as it means I don't have to chat to other people's kids.

But if I don't want to go somewhere I don't. Simple.

This is what I thought! I wouldn’t let my own do it but sounds like they don’t actually disrupt the experience for others.

But if you don’t fancy it or can’t afford it, then definitely decline.

Walkerzoo · 26/07/2025 09:21

Teenagers on phones doesn't bother me as it means I don't have to chat to other people's kids.

But if I don't want to go somewhere I don't. Simple.

Morgenrot25 · 26/07/2025 09:21

'Sorry I/we can't make it this time'
'No, sorry, we can't make that date either'

Repeat as required.

HowToTrainYourDragonfruit · 26/07/2025 09:18

You appreciate and value going out, and spend your money very carefully so you don't waste the expensive food, finish your plate etc. The thing you don't seem to like is that they (their teens) don't see it that way.

You're cross because you think they should consider going out as you do, as a treat. But they don't- they've got more money than you presumably and they can go out whenever, they won't make a big deal of it or take particular care over it.

I can see why it's a shame for you to be reminded of this, and how it must grate on you. But this is a you problem, they're perfectly entitled to enjoy their meal however they want, order two drinks, leave part of their first course then get dessert. I think it is unfair you judging them and tutting.

Francestein · 26/07/2025 09:15

If it were me and I didn’t want to attend, I would come down with a last minute tummy bug.

Coffeeishot · 26/07/2025 09:13

Are they staying with you ? If not maybe invite them..for coffee and just miss dinner be busy. They sound like one of my family members whos teenagers are like this, i find the whole ordering and no communication odd.

Endofyear · 26/07/2025 09:12

If you don't think you'll enjoy going out for a meal with them, don't go. You can tell them why or make an excuse, finances are tight this month for example. Up to you!

taxidriver · 26/07/2025 09:09

do you share the bill?
can you just suggest you pay for yourself and dont pay any attention to the teens

TheChosenTwo · 26/07/2025 09:08

How long ago was it that they last visited?
Do they stay with you?
If you don’t want to go out to eat why not suggest either ordering a takeaway or cooking something instead?

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