Sad about wedding

You're not second best here or a consolation prize.

He's chosen you to be his wife and you're as important to him as she was and if you aren't, then is it you or him that isn't giving you enough credit and love?

Be kinder to yourself.

Your wedding to your fiancé is really important. And you should celebrate properly. Go and buy a dress you feel beautiful in. Your future husband surely loves you deeply? You should have photos taken - even if your parents take them.
And a celebration afterwards.
The wedding is the start of your life together as man and wife.
You also get the amazing privilege of helping to bring up his children.
Could this be a version of pre wedding jitters?

Why is it such a sad affair?

Having a big fancy wedding doesn't make people more in love with each other though.

Look at the amount of people who spend £20,000 plus on a wedding then get divorced.

Wear a nice dress if you want to, it's your wedding day to do as you wish.

congratulations in advance

You know you don’t have to make this as miserable as possible? You don’t owe penance because of his first wife’s passing?

a dress and some flowers? Tea and cake at home after? This is YOUR day. Please have a little reflect and do the little things, because you really do sound like a lovely person and you deserve nice touches for your day

We got married last year in a very similar registry office ceremony, both been married before. I bought a simple dress & shoes, he wore the suit he'd bought the year before. We got buttonholes from Etsy. Our 2 witnesses couldn't make it in the end as we'd had a few inches of snow & they live in the hills so we ended up ringing around the neighbours to see who was free.
It was the most wonderful, memorable day, I was really emotional much to my surprise.
Like others have said, it's the marriage that counts but please have the wedding you want so you can look back on it happily like I do.

At the risk of sounding insensitive, it seems that your finances needs are being put very much ahead of your own. It is heartbreaking he lost his first wife, however you don’t deserve to beat yourself with that stick every day because of it. It is your wedding too and you deserve to take up space And not make yourself and your needs small because of it

Yes, as @FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren says, give yourself permission to enjoy it.

Please, please don’t do this to yourself. This is YOUR wedding day. It’s a special occasion. You want to remember it as a happy occasion, not an ordeal.

Don’t live your life in the shadow of his late wife. It’s not a way to live. You’re not second best. Accept that life happens and move on.

I think that whilst the important part is the marriage there is nothing wrong with making it a special day.
Go get yourself a lovely dress/outfit, order some flowers and invite friends and family. You could do low key drinks and food after.

We had a registry office wedding last year. Just one song and six guests. Been together a long time time so didn’t want a big fuss. It was lovely and unexpectedly emotional.
If you want to do this then give yourself permission to do it the way you want.
I had a dress I loved, a phase eight one, and a small bouquet. Was perfect for me.

It is a proper wedding, of course it is. Go out and buy yourself a fabulous outfit, get your hair done, etc. Make it special. Why no wedding rings - your DP may have been married before, but not to you. You deserve to have a special day.

You sound very empathetic @Anonymous2029, thinking of your partner’s first wife, how lovely.
But I do think you should get a nice dress and shoes. They don’t need to be expensive and you will feel better about the day and help make it special for everyone present.
It is your day. It is how you make it.

Gosh this is strange. Even a simple ceremony can be joyous and celebratory. It sounds pretty miserable tbh.

Ok, hold on a moment, would you like more of thing with a lovely dress and flowers? Marriage is obviously about far more than the wedding day but if you want a lovely wedding day then you should be able to enjoy it. It doesn’t have to be minimal and transactional because he has done it before.

This is such a lovely reply to this thread and I completely agree with everything you've said.

Good luck OP, just do what makes you happy x

Ok this sounds like you are really down about this. What do YOU want Op? What would make it lovely for YOU?

you deserve to be celebrated and your fiancé should want that too.

go and buy a dress! Sales are on. Book a hairdresser. Be your best self for yourself x

The way you describe it sounds more like a wake than a wedding. Are you sure that isn't what is making you sad?

Who made the decisions about no dress, no ring, no music, no friends?

My wedding was exactly like yours - I was 7 months pregnant, and there was no proposal.
I got married in my black maternity jeans and a white top, and my favourite old sandals.
my husband surprised me with a bouquet from local florist.
no photographer, no music, no make up done, no hair done - this was admittedly my choice. My husband would have done what I wanted.
after the ceremony, we went to the IVY for lunch and then I swapped into my converse for a weekend away with the dog.
I can understand how you feel, but please try not to be so down about it. It will be lovely as you’re making a special commitment and it’s the marriage that matters

What is stopping you from buying a dress and celebrating a bit?

yes I think you might regret it. It should be a happy occasion. It's sad that you don't feel you can celebrate it fully. How does your partner feel about it? I think you'd do well to process your feelings around it. Perhaps think about a post-wedding celebration later on.

Why wouldn't you invite your family and friends and make it joyful for you?

This is sad to read. Of course it's a proper wedding. How does your fiance feel about the wedding day, is such a low key event what he wants? It's OK to celebrate finding each other.

Why don't you feel like you can celebrate your wedding? Why can't you invite friends and have a pretty outfit?
It really comes across like you're apologising for getting married.
What would your DP say if you said actually you'd like to arrange a proper celebration and invite friends and family?

It is sad he lost his wife and his child lost her.

But you wouldnt have a DP if she was still here.

He can love you both, 2 things can be true at once. And this wedding is about you and him.

It more important its a good marriage not a good wedding but I do think its reasonable to want to have a nice day together and celebrate your union. It doesnt take away from what went before