Sad about wedding

It looks like I cross posted, I hope you find a dress that makes you feel beautiful, as you sound like a beautiful and thoughtful person, and you do have permission to make the day about you too, so lovely flowers, your favourite foods and drinks and permission to have a happy and love filled day.

I have the same questions as CryptoFascist OP ?

You sound so lovely and very caring. It is the marriage that is important but would you feel happier if you were wearing a nice dress? You still have time and maybe a small bouquet to hold? I bought my flowers from M&S when I got married and just tweaked them.

You deserve to have a special day x

You could have another ‘wedding’ in a few years if that would be special? On your wedding anniversary maybe

I'm so pleased you've decided to buy a dress. Low key is actually rather nice. I did the traditional wedding but quiet and simple is probably a lot of people's secret preference! The important thing is the marriage and the people. If you and your closest relatives are there that's all you need. Congratulations, and I hope it goes well. xx

That is good to hear OP. 💐I hope you all have a very happy day.

You can still have a proper wedding, even if it is a 10min ceremony at the registry office. We're a nice dress and a suit, have rings, pick music. Have champagne and nice dinner. Have a first dance in private at home. Just because he has been married before doenst mwna you have to have a quickie wedding at lunch time in jeans and t-shirt (unless that is genuinely what you want).

Also, your feeling about his wife are a but worrying. Youa re setting yourself to he the second choise, living in her shadow. Making yourself small. This is no way to live. You can be sad thag children have lost their mother and be happy that you and your husband found each other.

Would you like something special to wear, to get your hair done and anything else that appeals like a facial, manicure etc? If so, do it.
This is Your wedding, the start of Your marriage, don’t short change yourself out of some misplaced idea that this is not a proper wedding. Hopefully you’ll only do this once, so make it something special for you.

Wear something nice, get some flowers , book a table somewhere, choose a nice poem for the registrar to read. Book a night away with your new husband for a future mini modest honeymoon to look forward too. Small, budget friendly simple ways to make it just a little bit more special will take away your sadness.

OP I think you should get a new dress. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Something you can wear again. Because you deserve it. This is a happy occasion and you should celebrate it x

Please allow yourself the happiness everyone deserves on their wedding day. You sound very empathetic, but your soon to be DH and daughter also need to put the sadness behind them and celebrate this new chapter of their lives.
I wish you all the very best.

I quite agree.

OP you sound like a lovely person and your simple wedding will be perfect for you both. You are already committed to your partner and his child, this is the public commitment and it really will something, a heck of a lot more than a fancy, expensive do with accompanying dramas and headaches (a lot them don't last long anyway). All is good.

However it won't hurt to buy yourself. a pretty dress and shoes for the day and have a few photos. Up to you but I think you will be glad if you do.

I wish you many years of happiness.

You need to have a frank discussion with your husband to be asap and open up about your feelings. You will regret this wedding in years to come.
No rings and no dress is bizarre and doesn’t sound like this is the wedding you want or envisaged.
And for the love of God, stop living in the shadow of his late wife, the child will thrive in a loving stable home regardless AND You will be part of this happy equation.

Is there a reason you can’t wear a nice dress, have a bouquet etc? Also you say have to get married, do you both want to? Are you sure he’s ready to remarry ?it seems like his wife is still present.

I’ve said to my DH that if I die I would want him to move on (not the following week obvs!) and find happiness again. I would hope he’d find someone as lovely sounding as you @Anonymous2029 and I’d hope they would talk freely about me but I wouldn’t want memories of me to curtail the joy he has the right to feel. Second wife isn’t second best and you have a right to celebrate your wedding and you must!

It’s very sad she died but I doubt she would have wanted others’ lives to stop too. You’re not taking her place, you’re just picking up the baton and doing the best job you can for your future DH and their child, you’re allowed to be happy and celebrate that and you should.

Surely there is some middle ground though?

Of course it is a proper wedding. Lots of people have second marriages, for whatever reason.

Isn’t it good that he has found love again, and someone to love his Dc?

Are you depressed?

OP your fiancé’s marriage ended with the death of his wife - “till death do us part”. He is legally and morally free to marry again but if he isn’t emotionally free, even these years later, then you mustn’t go ahead.
It’s concerning that you say you have to marry him - you don’t and if you’re feeling that you have no choice, then you mustn’t go ahead. Marriage should be entered into freely and that applies to both parties.

You're not dancing on his late wife's grave, OP. Please stop thinking that. He's marrying you because he loves you, not because he might as well because she's not around any more.

If I died and my DH found someone he loved enough to marry, I'd be celebrating with them because I want him to be happy and would be grateful to her for giving him a new lease of life.

This is a day of celebration! Don't sweep it under the carpet out of some kind of shame that is not needed.

Oh, and read Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca ... or watch the classic movie of it!

Hope you have a wonderful wedding day in a sparkly dress that makes you feel joyful 💗

It sounds like you’re conflicted about the day. Do you love your partner? Does he love you? What are the ‘legal reasons’ you have to get married?

it sends really odd to be sad that your p’s ex isn’t here - if she was, you wouldn’t be on the scene!

Why is the day so joyless? Do you actually want to get married?

It IS a proper wedding and if I were you I would go out and buy a nice but inexpensive dress to wear so that you have something new and special for you. I knew someone who spent £30 on an ordinary day dress that she could wear later, but it was her favourite colour and she wanted something special to her.

I had the 10 minute ceremony a month ago.

I got a dress from ebay for £42. We had the 8 guests at the registry office and had a dinner party after. Made a bouquet from flowers from my garden. It was FAB.

Unless there’s a major money constraint, there is still time to get (or borrow!) a nice dress and maybe even book a meal isn’t there?

While I totally agree with past posters - it is about the marriage, not the wedding day - it doesn’t need to be quite so Spartan.

It’s lovely of you to think of his first wife but you should feel he is lucky to have you too.

This sounds a bit miserable. Invite a friend, go shopping in the sales. Go to a salon and get a blow dry. Pick a song and go for a lovely meal afterwards. And for god’s sake go and get a bloody ring.