Sad about wedding

Any luck with dress shopping @Anonymous2029? Let us see!!

This! This says it all. I hope you have a happy, loving day, however low-key, and a strong, loving marriage.

I’m so glad you’ve decided that! We had a similar situation but for different reasons (both had big weddings in previous marriages, and needed a quick, small wedding due to a terminal family illness). Got a beautiful John Lewis silk ivory dress for £150, lovely lunch afterwards with M&S bouquets on the table for our immediate families (about 10 people), a bouquet for me, hair and make up done, and it was all more meaningful than the big weddings we had previously had. One suggestion would be to get some nice photos taken too. Wedding photographers often offer very reasonable ‘micro’ packages for a couple of hours for a fraction of the price and I have loved having a few special portraits of the day. As others have said, there are many inexpensive things you can do to make it feel special. There also nothing stopping you from having a larger celebration in a few years when you have more time / inclination. Others I know have shown a video montage of photos from the registry office at such a party in lieu of a ceremony and then done an ‘entrance’ to kick off festivities. There’s so many ways to have the wedding you want without following the standardised pattern

Similar story here OP.

DH had 2 teenage DC when he was widowed and I met him a few years after.

We also had a child together and then got married in a Registry office with a few guests for a meal afterwards. It was perfect for us as I dislike fuss. We’ve been together over 20yrs now, still love each other just as much and now we have grandchildren through the oldest two DC and it’s lovely.

Enjoy your wedding day and make it very special for you and your whole family. 💐

Op I think you need to give yourself the day you will look back on and remember with joy. What can you add to feel really special?

You sound like an exceptionally lovely person, but maybe too lovely as you are putting your own needs last. Make a list of everything you you would secretly love to have and start adding it in. You have permission to be a happy much loved bride 👰🏻‍♀️

I have some similar feelings about our wedding. I'm my DH's second wife, he was very much in love with his ex initially but things spiralled over the years and they ended up in a very hostile place by the time they divorced. Part of me is sad that he didn't get his happily ever after, because I know he married her in good faith and it's a source of sadness to him that their relationship ended, even though he's now happy with me. In that sense, our wedding didn't feel like a 'proper' one, although we're both very committed to one another and we believe we'll be together till one of us dies. We got married mainly because we have DC together, if we hadn't then I probably wouldn't have gone down that route. It didn't help that eldest DC had D&V the day of the wedding so I was entirely focused on him really, not on us!
I don't regret getting married, but there's still part of me that's sad it wasn't the first time for both of us and I never had the romance of a 'proper' wedding. I hope you have a lovely, memorable day and enjoy it though!

OP your sentiments are so lovely. Please do more than just the nice dress, this IS a joyous occasion! Look and feel your best and encourage your soon to be DH to do the same.
I thought about what a previous poster said about the elder daughter’s grandparents etc. and it struck a chord.
If you want to keep it to a very simple day, could you possibly have a celebration meal with friends and family at a slightly later date?
All the best and congratulations.

One of the reasons they are getting married is so she could become guardian to her DSD should something happen to the Dad, Mums already deceased.

So I can understand the sadness in if Mum hadn't passed away they'd probably still, be a family unit.

But Mums gone, Dads moved on Op and Dad have another child too.
It really should be a celebration of their love ❤️

OP please make the day special - it’s a special day for you, your partner and both your children, even if you’ve decided to keep things simple. I have a work colleague who recently married his partner (and mother of their toddler twins) at a simple registry office wedding, a few weeks before she started her second round of chemo. It’s not really what they would have chosen, but did it ‘just in case’. They planned a bigger celebration once she was well. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen now as she lost her fight, so that registry office wedding has taken on so much significance. Buy a dress, have your hair done, choose some music. There but for the Grace of God etc…..

I’m glad you’ve changed your mind about the dress, pick a song, have a few photos and go to a nice restaurant afterwards. It would be nice for your children to see this as a happy occasion.

Don’t feel guilty for marrying him. Whatever the circumstances unfortunately his ex wife is not here. Make the most of your day and celebrate your future together

firstly why are you getting married? And yes I think you should delay and alter plans if you feel so down about it.

He can do it again with you. Plenty of people remarry after bereavement. Why not get a nice summer dress that you will wear again and some nice sandals. Your parents will want a few pictures and so will his.

This l agree make it special for you and your fiance, something you can look back on and don't wish you had made it nicer.

I have a bit of experience of this. I think she'd want you to have a lovely day, whatever that looked like for you.

I know it is only a week away but do you have time to make some improvements to your wedding day? Buy a new dress, go for a meal etc. Surely your partner realises that you would like and deserve more than the sad little ceremony you have planned.
Very best wishes 🌺

Your wedding sounds like my dream!

I had the full works, over 100 guest, reception, night doo, the lot.

I’m still, to this day, embarrassed about how much it cost.

I had a nice day but I’d much rather just gone and done it, the two of us, with a couple of witnesses, and a nice restaurant meal after. Done.

I hope you have found a lovely dress and are feeling a little more positive.
I go to a lot of tiny weddings, many that are driven for practical reasons, but they are still generally happy and positive occasions. They very much reflect the energy that the couple bring to them. They can feel very joyous and full of delight. They are often filled with laughter and can feel more relaxed than a larger, more formal ceremony.
I hope you and your partner find your joy in the day and I wish you both, with your children, the very best.

OP you sound absolutely lovely, you have nothing to feel guilty or apologetic for. You're not replacing anyone, you're not stealing anyone else's DH. Yes, it's sad that your DP was widowed, but it's wonderful that you found each other and you have every right to have a gorgeous wedding day. It doesn't have to be flashy or expensive for it to feel special.

A few thoughts...

You can wear a beautiful dress that you feel really special in, it doesn't have to be at all bridey.
Get your hair and nails done too if you'd enjoy that and can afford it. You and the kids could carry a little posy of flowers each, I'm sure they'd love it.

Why no music? Why not at least pick one song that is special to you and your DH, or just a song you both like even if it's not super meaningful.

Why no rings? If you want to exchange rings then you absolutely should. They don't have to be expensive, it's about the gesture.

Do you have a favourite pub or restaurant where you could enjoy a nice meal after the ceremony ? Doesn't have to be anything fancy, just somewhere nice but kid friendly.

Could you not invite a couple of close friends? If not to the actual ceremony then maybe the meal after?

You are a whole person too, with your own separate needs and wants. Their history is tragic but surely them finding you and building a new life is something worth celebrating? Life is one long series of losses and it’s over so fast. Why would you not grasp the chance to enjoy the rare good stuff with the people you love? I can’t understand your thinking at all, it actually makes me think you’re not ready to marry.

But good luck and I hope you choose to have a fantastic day 🍾

Have you considered a civil partnership rather than a wedding? It will give you the same legal benefits but with a different title so might help you to feel better about it

That’s lovely, OP. You’ve got your priorities right! It’s ok to celebrate and be happy on your wedding day. You sound like you have a wonderful partnership. The six year old will be excited and as she won’t remember her birth mother, it may be confusing and upsetting for her if you are sad and downbeat on the day. Really don’t wear jeans and a t-shirt. Please make an effort for everyone’s sake, especially your own. You don’t need a big fancy wedding but you do need to mark the occasion and make it a happy day. Could you buy little gifts or cards to give on the day to your DP (soon to be DH) and your DDs? Just write a line or two about how much you love them and how happy you are to be part of their lives. You may surprise yourself with how much joy you feel on the day. It is special and it is emotional. Do buy some flowers, toast the day with a glass of something lovely, and hopefully a celebratory meal. Enjoy knowing the love and security you are bringing to your DD 6 and her father. Encourage them to enjoy the day. The birth mother would want nothing more than for her daughter to have a caring and kind maternal role model. You will have her blessing. You know this because you would want the same for your DC if the roles were reversed. Hope your marriage is long and happy and filled with memories. Sending ❤️

I think whatever the legal reasons are, whatever the reason for simplicity is - you are marrying a man you love and will raise a child together that you have given space in your heart for willingly and with the very best of intentions and with respect for the child’s birth mother.
I cannot imagine a more blessed and loving reason to be married - all the church bells tolling and white dresses,buffets,banquets and champagne could not replace this level of love.
The feeling in your heart of,what should be isn’t what is and so you have to adapt and hopefully funds allow for you to have something new to wear on the day and, maybe a bouquet of flowers that you could display in your home and put half at the grave so she shares in your joy?.
Then it’s a day - 24 hours long that passes whatever you’re doing - and maybe, next year or a year or so down the line when things aren’t quite so emotional you can plan a lovely event to renew your vows?.

im wishing you all,health wealth and happiness and a lovely lifetimes together.

Please get yourself a nice outfit and a posy of flowers, get your nails and hair done. Book a lunch or dinner for afterwards. This is your wedding, you're not a replacement wife. You deserve to feel special.

My husband was very unwell and we had to cancel our big, planned, wedding and have a quickie cancer wedding because we wanted to be married if he died. We went from 100 guests to 12 (immediate family on both sides). No cake, no first dance, no hen/stag parties etc. Registry office followed by a pub meal. I hated the day and was so sad. Nearly 6 years on I’m still sad about it 😂 I’m glad we’re married (and that he didn’t die, obvs), but I wish we’d had a celebration and not whatever it was we did manage.

I think if you actually WANT to keep it simple then do so, you can always have another celebration later on (if your husband to be is easier to convince of this than mine has been!). But if you think you’ll regret it, then put in some touches that you will find special and look back on fondly. You’re not doing a disservice to his first wife, she would want him (and by extension you), to be happy. Either way it’s a day you’ll remember for the rest of your life, try and make it an positive one x