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Original poster

Sad about wedding

233 replies

Anonymous2029 · 25/07/2025 20:12

I’m getting married next week, a registry office. My partner lost his wife 6 years

We have to get married for various legal reasons. I adore my partner and I want to be his wife but I’m feeling so sad about the day (or rather the 10 minute ceremony)

i just feel so sad that his first wife isn’t here and she’s not getting to raise her child. We are having the simplest of vows, no rings. I don’t have a dress, not even a normal dress - I don’t really know what to wear, I was planning on jeans and tshirt.

Our parents are coming because we need witnesses but that’s all.

Ive not planned any music or anything. Everytime I think about the day I just feel overwhelmingly sad and want to just get it over with.

Will I regret it being so sad and simple? I just can’t shake the feeling and get excited

OP posts:
Piknik · 02/08/2025 21:41

That dress.... 😍

So pleased OP. And agree, a lilac 'party dress' like some of the ones above, would be perfect and hopefully get onward use for parties and special occasions

deeahgwitch · 02/08/2025 21:22

That’s a gorgeous dress @Anonymous2029
You will look fabulous 💐

CaptainFuture · 02/08/2025 21:11

Anonymous2029 · 02/08/2025 19:45

I have found a dress :) photo below (when it uploads!)and I’ve booked hair and make up! I’m going to post on style forum as the girls dresses now don’t match and I can’t find anything in their sizes so if anyone sees anything suitable let me know (needs next day delivery haha)

Bloody love that @Anonymous2029 !! You'll be stunning !!

AlphaApple · 02/08/2025 20:53

Absolutely beautiful dress OP. Have a wonderful day.

Studyunder · 02/08/2025 20:41

This is the best news I’ve heard in a long time!
EVERYONE deserves to be happy. Never forget this.
Wishing you all the love in the world.
Have a wonderful wedding day, but more importantly- a happy marriage 🥂❤️

badhairmum · 02/08/2025 20:38

Hope you have a wonderful day and best wishes for the future x

vickylou78 · 02/08/2025 20:36

I'd do what someone else suggested with the girls dresses. A lilac one for 8 year old and little ivory ones with lilac ribbons as sashes for the two little ones (as will be hard to match them with the bigger girl)

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 02/08/2025 20:23

This is so beautiful OP! I hope you have a wonderful day ❤️

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/08/2025 20:19

How long have you got to get the girls dresses sorted? I’ve had dresses made to order from Etsy before, very reasonable price, and that way you could get them to match and to fit.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/08/2025 20:18

Oh this is just lovely. There was the recent thread asking if you’d want your DH to remarry if you died early and I’ve always thought that, if the worst should happen, I hoped he would find someone new and my children would have a lovely mummy to help bring them up. You sound so kind, your family are lucky to have you. I’m glad you’ve found yourself a nice dress and are making more plans. You deserve to be celebrated. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

MMO · 02/08/2025 20:17

CatRescueNeeded · 02/08/2025 20:01

How about this one? www.next.co.uk/style/su379726/e58888#e58888

These are beautiful 🤩

MonkeyHarold · 02/08/2025 20:12

I think it will be hard to get matching dresses. Is your oldest big for her age? Next have this in 12 months and 6-7 years. Says it's blue. Looks lilac to me.

www.next.co.uk/style/su381326/e54785

londongirl12 · 02/08/2025 20:11

Anonymous2029 · 02/08/2025 19:45

I have found a dress :) photo below (when it uploads!)and I’ve booked hair and make up! I’m going to post on style forum as the girls dresses now don’t match and I can’t find anything in their sizes so if anyone sees anything suitable let me know (needs next day delivery haha)

Ooooh I love that!!! 😍

CatRescueNeeded · 02/08/2025 20:01

How about this one? www.next.co.uk/style/su379726/e58888#e58888

ThisEdgyFox · 02/08/2025 20:00

Beautiful dress! How about this for the baby, it's got flowers which ties it in with your own dress?

https://amzn.eu/d/ej5lrWt

Amazon.co.uk

https://amzn.eu/d/ej5lrWt?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-5380148-sad-about-wedding

ADHDChick · 02/08/2025 19:59

Anonymous2029 · 02/08/2025 19:51

2 girls size 12 months ish and age 8 ish I think lilac will work? Just can’t find anything suitable! I don’t want to spend loads as they won’t be wearing it long!

Show quote history

www.johnlewis.com/monsoon-kids-indi-frill-sleeve-midi-dress/lilac/p112877031?size=9%20years&s_ppc=2dx_mixed_fashion_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20151163146&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1wNB51-4AWk1J8pmiUldeZyi&gclid=CjwKCAjw7rbEBhB5EiwA1V49nahJKj64_YByxEuSdTA6Mm9dwH4OWUO_UJ7Y_amunvASoP7vvmCeYhoCBuoQAvD_BwE

What about something like this for the 8 year old and then get a simple white dress for the baby (eg monsoon or next) and find some nice lilac ribbon in a similar shade to make a matching sash? I think you’d struggle to find something exactly matching those age ranges unless it’s white. Equally you could get them both a white dress and then the lilac sashes?

Needspaceforlego · 02/08/2025 19:59

Your dress is gorgeous 😍
Lilac for the girls would be beautiful too.

Itiswhysofew · 02/08/2025 19:57

Gosh, that dress is beautiful.
Have a wonderful wedding day with your lovely familyFlowers

Beachtastic · 02/08/2025 19:55

Anonymous2029 · 02/08/2025 19:51

2 girls size 12 months ish and age 8 ish I think lilac will work? Just can’t find anything suitable! I don’t want to spend loads as they won’t be wearing it long!

Show quote history

Defo lilac.

But is one of them only 12 months old??!?!?!??!?!?!?

Jemimapinotduck · 02/08/2025 19:52

That dress is absolutely beautiful ❤️ 😍

Original poster
Anonymous2029 · 02/08/2025 19:51

Beachtastic · 02/08/2025 19:47

Oooohhh, that's more like it OP - so happy to see you getting into the spirit of things 💗

We need more clues: how many girls? what sizes? budget???

2 girls size 12 months ish and age 8 ish I think lilac will work? Just can’t find anything suitable! I don’t want to spend loads as they won’t be wearing it long!

OP posts:
Beachtastic · 02/08/2025 19:47

Oooohhh, that's more like it OP - so happy to see you getting into the spirit of things 💗

We need more clues: how many girls? what sizes? budget???

Original poster
Anonymous2029 · 02/08/2025 19:45

I have found a dress :) photo below (when it uploads!)and I’ve booked hair and make up! I’m going to post on style forum as the girls dresses now don’t match and I can’t find anything in their sizes so if anyone sees anything suitable let me know (needs next day delivery haha)

Sad about wedding
OP posts:
Beachtastic · 28/07/2025 20:56

Anonymous2029 · 25/07/2025 20:22

I have no worries at all about getting married, no doubts or anything. I’m very very happy but yes I feel sad that they didn’t get to spend their lives together and I feel like this isn’t a ‘proper’ wedding because he’s already done that

Show quote history

Surely OP you can see this is a wee bit nutty? It makes about as much sense as "sex is meaningless because she's not a virgin" 😊

I hope your decision to make a special day out of it has not evaporated once left alone with these gloomy thoughts! There is no need.

pollymere · 28/07/2025 10:54

You deserve a proper wedding and a celebration of the start of your new life together. I think you'll end up feeling a sense of resentment otherwise. If you are equal to his first wife, then he needs to demonstrate that. At the moment it's all about getting married for legal reasons rather than being about love. You can never replace his first wife but he should be full of happiness that he's lucky enough to have two people he adores in his life. You should never feel second best.

You need a dress, cake, flowers and a meal out somewhere even if you can only afford a pub lunch.