Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sad about wedding

233 replies

Anonymous2029 · 25/07/2025 20:12

I’m getting married next week, a registry office. My partner lost his wife 6 years

We have to get married for various legal reasons. I adore my partner and I want to be his wife but I’m feeling so sad about the day (or rather the 10 minute ceremony)

i just feel so sad that his first wife isn’t here and she’s not getting to raise her child. We are having the simplest of vows, no rings. I don’t have a dress, not even a normal dress - I don’t really know what to wear, I was planning on jeans and tshirt.

Our parents are coming because we need witnesses but that’s all.

Ive not planned any music or anything. Everytime I think about the day I just feel overwhelmingly sad and want to just get it over with.

Will I regret it being so sad and simple? I just can’t shake the feeling and get excited

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymous2029 · 25/07/2025 20:22

CopperWhite · 25/07/2025 20:19

Are you really sad that his first wife isn’t here? It’s sad that she isn’t getting to raise her child but it’s wonderful that the family has you to love them now.

It’s ok for you to feel sad that you aren’t having your ideal wedding but if you’re feeling sad about something more than that you might want to consider if you’re doing the right thing.

I have no worries at all about getting married, no doubts or anything. I’m very very happy but yes I feel sad that they didn’t get to spend their lives together and I feel like this isn’t a ‘proper’ wedding because he’s already done that

OP posts:
mamagogo1 · 25/07/2025 20:21

And the child is so lucky to have an amazing stepmum, one that recognises the loss and understands that you can’t replace her

CaptainFuture · 25/07/2025 20:21

Does it need to be sad and simple?

mamagogo1 · 25/07/2025 20:20

@Arlanymor

is right, the promises you make to each other matter, the marriage matters - weddings are not actually the important bit. But could you buy a new dress (not a wedding dress, a pretty new dress that you can wear again perhaps) could you book a table at a restaurant you wouldn’t normally stretch to? My first wedding has two witnesses, but I did buy a new skirt and top, and we went to a restaurant that was twice the price of what we typically would pay up to, and bought a bottle of sparking wine too, the lovely restaurant realising it was our wedding day waived the cost of it, being on a shoestring we were very grateful

CopperWhite · 25/07/2025 20:19

Are you really sad that his first wife isn’t here? It’s sad that she isn’t getting to raise her child but it’s wonderful that the family has you to love them now.

It’s ok for you to feel sad that you aren’t having your ideal wedding but if you’re feeling sad about something more than that you might want to consider if you’re doing the right thing.

PinkyFlamingo · 25/07/2025 20:18

I'm not sure why you can't pick a nice dress, entirely up to you but it's sad you are feeling sad. Yes the marriage is important but it's still your wedding day.

DestituteDesperate · 25/07/2025 20:15

Some people are so fixated on the wedding they forget it’s the marriage that’s the important part.

I think you sound so lovely - your sadness at your soon to be husband’s wife not being alive to raise her children.

She would be content knowing her child would be around and raised by a wonderful woman such as yourself.

Good luck and god bless.

Arlanymor · 25/07/2025 20:13

The wedding isn't the big thing - the marriage is.

Swipe left for the next trending thread