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AIBU?

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Original poster

Anyone work in HR or legal please?

37 replies

Mermaid64 · 25/07/2025 19:21

Im going through a horrific time at work. Its a small company and I have a senior role. I've worked my arse off for the company (have been there 5 years). Staff are continuously leaving and the owner refuses to get them replaced.

Ive taken on multiple roles that are not mine within the working day to keep us afloat, while spending every evening doing my own role for free. We recently had a new system out in with zero training, where I had to teach myself one evening how to use on YouTube and teach everyone else.

Constant bullying issue in the work place that the owner completely avoids, leaving it to me to sort as people keep coming to me crying.

Health and safety there is non exsistent, with people wiping the owners dog wee of products, and us picking up her dog shit from the floor because she leaves the dog in the office when shes not there. She uses the Staff dish cloths to clean the dogs food bowl. Its disgusting.

When im off sick or annual leave the boss is constantly messaging me. She has a huge issue with me ever having a break, constantly txting to guilt trip me that im not there saying how busy it is. Ive been put on anxiety medication in the last 6 months.

I had a days annual leave booked last week which was approved by the appropriate people. My boss noticed and asked why I need it, I said because I need a break and struggling and burnt out.
The day before my annual leave She sent me a txt when she went for lunch saying shes decided to close the company for two weeks in autumn so u have no holidays left to use as shes taken them for that. I was severely burnt out and I needed a break. I went to a senior colleague authorised to confirm leave and stated Ill need to go gome early as my mental health is struggling, I felt sick, hadnt slept for weeks and completely burnt out. I sent a message to the owner 20 minutes later saying id left early due to struggling, and raised a grievance. I didnt hear back and the same evening I had an email suspending me for gross misconduct for leaving work.

I had one meeting with hr who told me I could lose my job and its gross misconduct to leave early without authorisation. They said it only counts if I tell the owner before I leave the office. Ive never had to do this before.

I now have another disciplinary meeting next week. The boss has blocked me from the companies social media and her own and it feels shes trying to push me out.

Any advice please? Aibu to think me leaving early in this way is not gross misconduct? Xxxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Mermaid64 · 25/07/2025 21:54

Velmy · 25/07/2025 21:00

Assuming everything you've said is accurate, you seem to be in a strong position.

Do you have a copy of your company handbook? Check what it says about sickness/leaving. If there's no mention of having to speak to the owner, and this has not been communicated until now, you've broken no rule. Ask them to show you where this rule has been communicated. If you have evidence of doing it differently in the past (txt message, email etc) dig that out.

I can't say for certain without knowing what your job is, but generally speaking, Gross Misconduct is reserved for extremely serious incidents that cause financial/reputational damage, have legal implications etc. Telling the wrong person that you're leaving early almost certainly wouldn't be seen as Gross Misconduct by a reasonable person, even if you were aware of that policy. Especially given your previously spotless record, and the fact that you were leaving due to poor mental health.

With regards to leave, again, check your contract/handbook. Employers may be able to cancel leave in some circumstances, but reasonable notice should be given and consideration should be taken where people have booked holidays etc. A day's notice is not reasonable.

As you've been with the company over two years, you have certain protections in law. Sacking you for trumped up GM in retaliation for raising a grievance is unfair. You may even have a case for constructive dismissal were you to quit, but you should take legal advice on this.

Are you in a union?

Thank you so much for all of this info!
Ive been sent a copy of their handbook now after requesting, it says any leave to be authorised by a manager. We dont actually "manager" titles only team leaders and then the owner. Team leaders authorise all of our annual leave etc. And actually im certain I do have evidence where ive contacted one of them when off sick before and all was fine! Ill dig that out, thank you!
They seem to be completely disregarding mental health, ive also sent them proof of mental health medication (a note of repeat prescriptions from the gp) and its still been disregarded.
When u brought up my grievances in the last meeting I was told "she owns the company she can do what she likes"
Not part of a union unfortunately! Checked this in the week!
Unsure atm if I should continue the meetings and be sacked or resign 🫠
Thank you so much for all of this, its much appreciated!

OP posts:
Velmy · 25/07/2025 21:00

Assuming everything you've said is accurate, you seem to be in a strong position.

Do you have a copy of your company handbook? Check what it says about sickness/leaving. If there's no mention of having to speak to the owner, and this has not been communicated until now, you've broken no rule. Ask them to show you where this rule has been communicated. If you have evidence of doing it differently in the past (txt message, email etc) dig that out.

I can't say for certain without knowing what your job is, but generally speaking, Gross Misconduct is reserved for extremely serious incidents that cause financial/reputational damage, have legal implications etc. Telling the wrong person that you're leaving early almost certainly wouldn't be seen as Gross Misconduct by a reasonable person, even if you were aware of that policy. Especially given your previously spotless record, and the fact that you were leaving due to poor mental health.

With regards to leave, again, check your contract/handbook. Employers may be able to cancel leave in some circumstances, but reasonable notice should be given and consideration should be taken where people have booked holidays etc. A day's notice is not reasonable.

As you've been with the company over two years, you have certain protections in law. Sacking you for trumped up GM in retaliation for raising a grievance is unfair. You may even have a case for constructive dismissal were you to quit, but you should take legal advice on this.

Are you in a union?

Original poster
Mermaid64 · 25/07/2025 20:33

Beentheredonethat99 · 25/07/2025 20:02

They should send you the disciplinary policy along with the evidence against you for your hearing.
the majority of your grievance is unrelated so it doesnt directly impact, but the reason you left ( poor mental health caused by work) may hold some weight.
without knowing your role and sector its hard to establish the impact of you leaving early and if Gross Misconduct is reasonable.
if youve got full sick pay, as another poster said self certify for work related stress/ anxiety, and get a GP note after a week to buy you some paid time to work it out. I would also look for another job….

Thanks so much for this! Its always good to get advice of a few people just to check everything out! Will go back to them and ask for these! Will have a think over the weekend about calling gp and see what I can do! Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mermaid64 · 25/07/2025 20:30

Laura95167 · 25/07/2025 20:04

You need a new job. Your hard work is being rewarded with more work.

A day off wont fix this. This behaviour is bullying. This environment is toxic and you cant save this sinking ship

My partner spoke these exact words to me today!! You are absolutely right!! Thank you!

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 25/07/2025 20:04

You need a new job. Your hard work is being rewarded with more work.

A day off wont fix this. This behaviour is bullying. This environment is toxic and you cant save this sinking ship

Beentheredonethat99 · 25/07/2025 20:02

They should send you the disciplinary policy along with the evidence against you for your hearing.
the majority of your grievance is unrelated so it doesnt directly impact, but the reason you left ( poor mental health caused by work) may hold some weight.
without knowing your role and sector its hard to establish the impact of you leaving early and if Gross Misconduct is reasonable.
if youve got full sick pay, as another poster said self certify for work related stress/ anxiety, and get a GP note after a week to buy you some paid time to work it out. I would also look for another job….

Original poster
Mermaid64 · 25/07/2025 19:45

Thank you everyone. I have contacted acas, but hr seem to completely ignoring the guidelines. I feel its all retaliation for me raising a grievance. Suspended on full pay and I do get sick pay as far as im aware.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mermaid64 · 25/07/2025 19:43

Beentheredonethat99 · 25/07/2025 19:30

You had authorisation to leave due to your mental health from a senior colleague?
your company will have a disciplinary policy so check whats listed as gross misconduct
also check their grievance process as theyll need to respond to your grievance
i assume you are suspended on full pay?
whats your sick pay like?
seems very heavy handed if this is a first misconduct

Yes first misconduct, never had any issues there before. I say no issues, ive had plenty with the company which ive raised a few times but they just get ignored, they never change so I stopped bothering saying anything! I request a copy of their policies as id never seen them before (also never seen my contract even after asking numerous times) hr are saying the grievance doesn't mitigate me leaving unauthorised. And that bevause i didnt contact the boss directly before I left (I spoke to a senior colleague authorised to book holidays etc), that they are counting it as gross misconduct.
Im also in a public facing role and have been bombarded with messages from customers asking me where I am and they're saying something odd is going on as my boss completely ignores any questions about where I am. I feel completely suffocated.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 25/07/2025 19:36

Frankly I’d self certify for a week and get the GP to certify from then for longer. Then I’d start planning my exit strategy. Her unreasonable behaviour is not something you’ll change or be able to deal with but you can get out for something better.

Unicorn34 · 25/07/2025 19:33

Please go to ACAS.

Motnight · 25/07/2025 19:31

Talk to ACAS. It's free. I would also self certify and not go into work next week. You need to look after yourself. Good luck.

Beentheredonethat99 · 25/07/2025 19:30

You had authorisation to leave due to your mental health from a senior colleague?
your company will have a disciplinary policy so check whats listed as gross misconduct
also check their grievance process as theyll need to respond to your grievance
i assume you are suspended on full pay?
whats your sick pay like?
seems very heavy handed if this is a first misconduct