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AIBU?

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Child coming over the fence to play at 7.35 am

163 replies

Wantmorenachosbutcant · 25/07/2025 18:41

This morning as I was just coming into the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast for Dd, I opened the kitchen door to the garden and Dd was already out there (have told her not to go in the garden unless one of us is up and there in the morning) with her friend climbing over our fence to play (low fence, then climbs onto our garden bench-not dangerous)
Behind our house is her friends grandparents house, the mum had dropped her off at her mums, so she could presumably go early to work and her mum then takes her to a kids club later on, on her way to work (they leave around 9am)
and this friend had come to play
Aibu to think this is far too early?!
I like to sit quietly in the garden with my coffee in summer and just wake up..basically! They were on the trampoline, then I was having to tell her not to climb on the top step of the slide and jump off etc.
They weren’t particularly noisy, but I was aware that some people would still be in bed and so on
As I was washing up, I heard her shouting to her grandma about something and her shouting back that she could just stay for a bit until they had to go to the kids club place.
All the toys were everywhere and by 9 I felt really stressed, plus we were going out and I was trying to get Dd to get ready. I said to her afterwards it’s fine at weekends or a day after kids club/school, but not this early in the mornings again.

Aibu and a grumpy sod spoiling the fun or would this be as annoying to you as it was to me?

OP posts:
Om83 · 26/07/2025 08:26

I’m not sure it’s an issue playing outside that early if not screaming etc, but your house- your rules and you need to enforce them if that’s what you want.

I’d have more of an issue with the 7 yr old friend appearing uninvited and being unsupervised in your garden- you are fully responsible for her whilst in your garden so I would be saying it’s not in unless a prearranged play date at a reasonable time.

youalright · 26/07/2025 08:23

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 08:20

Do you cut your lawn at 7:30?

I dont but I wouldn't be offended by someone who did its 7.30 that is not early.

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 08:20

youalright · 26/07/2025 08:14

Most people work and or have children most people are up at 7.30.

Do you cut your lawn at 7:30?

youalright · 26/07/2025 08:14

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 08:07

Why does it make a difference it being 7:30 compared to 6?… Is that because you’re an early riser? 7:30 is early for most.

Most people work and or have children most people are up at 7.30.

Lilactimes · 26/07/2025 08:10

RobinEllacotStrike · 26/07/2025 00:30

every now & then I read threads on MN where everything completely perplexes me. This is one of them.

God me too!

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 08:07

youalright · 26/07/2025 07:58

Its 7.30 not 6 am I dont think its unreasonable obviously if their being loud id be telling them but I would be doing that at anytime of day. Their kids let them play

Why does it make a difference it being 7:30 compared to 6?… Is that because you’re an early riser? 7:30 is early for most.

Imnotgonnamiss · 26/07/2025 08:01

PreciousTatas · 26/07/2025 07:33

Ah.

The refrain of every parent who terfs their child out to be wild and free. Leaving the poor responsible and often unwilling 'village' to actually watch them and make sure they don't do stupid things like die.

Most of our street do this and it’s actually lovely. The kids will come into different gardens/houses different evenings to play, join each other for lunch or dinner without forward planning. We had kids from 3 different families join us yesterday over the course of the day and do some crafting, my two did a bit of trampolining at a neighbour and at one point a group of them set up a bit of gymnastics practice in the community garden at the top of the street.

I get our set up is a little unusual but I think it’s sad it’s not more normal as genuinely having a bit of a village and welcoming other kids to join in actually takes a lot of pressure off parents individually as we all take turns and it gets the kids interacting less with screens and more with people, which has to be a win.

youalright · 26/07/2025 07:58

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 07:50

So?

Its 7.30 not 6 am I dont think its unreasonable obviously if their being loud id be telling them but I would be doing that at anytime of day. Their kids let them play

Imnotgonnamiss · 26/07/2025 07:54

youalright · 26/07/2025 05:40

At 7 years old id be fine with it id be happy someone was keeping her amused so that I didn't have to i dont think 7.30 is that early most people are up at that time getting ready for work. I honestly dont see the problem

Yep - mine is a little older but I’m also not seeing a massive issue. If they were being super loud maybe but otherwise 7:30 on a normal working day is hardly a time I’d expect it to be serene. It will depend a bit what your house/garden set up is but by that age they are capable of coming to get you if any issues and a couple playing together actually seems lots safer that one alone.

LoveWine123 · 26/07/2025 07:52

This is such a British problem 😅 Where I come from (another European country) kids will not be marched back into the house for playing outside with a neighbour and for needing to know “better”. What a bizarre thing to be worried about. However, I do understand the culture is different and if it is problem for you then you should go and talk to the grandparent instead of stewing on an online forum.

chatgptsbestmate · 26/07/2025 07:52

Wantmorenachosbutcant · 25/07/2025 20:09

Kitchen door is locked and keys put away, but a patio door can go into the garden, this has no lock, it locks by the putting the handle thing up and she can now pull it down to unlock

Buy a lock? 🙄

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 07:50

youalright · 26/07/2025 07:48

Its the summer holidays

So?

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 07:49

Namechangerage · 26/07/2025 07:46

I don’t get this whole thing of your DD being downstairs for that long by herself? Part of being a parent is getting up early with your kids, making them breakfast and spending time with them isn’t it? So I don’t get how she was down there long enough to go outside without you telling her no.

She has the whole day to spend time with her

youalright · 26/07/2025 07:48

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 07:47

At 7:30?… Yes!

Its the summer holidays

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 07:47

youalright · 26/07/2025 07:34

So you think children should be sat in their rooms alone on screens rather then out playing with friends in the fresh air

At 7:30?… Yes!

Namechangerage · 26/07/2025 07:46

I don’t get this whole thing of your DD being downstairs for that long by herself? Part of being a parent is getting up early with your kids, making them breakfast and spending time with them isn’t it? So I don’t get how she was down there long enough to go outside without you telling her no.

kimonok · 26/07/2025 07:44

Wantmorenachosbutcant · 25/07/2025 20:09

Kitchen door is locked and keys put away, but a patio door can go into the garden, this has no lock, it locks by the putting the handle thing up and she can now pull it down to unlock

So get a lock for it? 🙄

Namechangerage · 26/07/2025 07:43

howshouldibehave · 25/07/2025 18:58

I would nip this in the bud now and would have taken the daughter straight back home with an 'we will have to arrange a play date at some point, but X arriving over the fence at 7am doesn't work for us'

If you think your daughter has encouraged it, I would tell her off and tell her not to do this and to tell her friend this can't happen again.

This! I don’t get why you didn’t go and knock on the front door and say “sorry it’s a bit early for us” - does X want to come over at 10? Or similar

Flyswats · 26/07/2025 07:42

I understand finding anything in the morning annoying due to lack of caffeine, I can barely speak until I've had my coffee

but I think you're being mean spirited towards this child.

Ek1234 · 26/07/2025 07:39

I'm not sure this is a real situation to be honest and if it is it's baffling. If my DD was playing with a friend at 7.30 in the garden having her just climbed over my fence, DD would be inside straight away with a telling off because she should know better, and neighbors daughter would be sent home and told not to do it again. It's a nonsense situation to sit stressing in your own garden watching two children "have a little play" at that time in the morning.

youalright · 26/07/2025 07:34

PreciousTatas · 26/07/2025 07:33

Ah.

The refrain of every parent who terfs their child out to be wild and free. Leaving the poor responsible and often unwilling 'village' to actually watch them and make sure they don't do stupid things like die.

So you think children should be sat in their rooms alone on screens rather then out playing with friends in the fresh air

MyDeftDuck · 26/07/2025 07:34

youalright · 26/07/2025 07:10

Its no different then when kids are out playing and knock on friends doors. We need to encourage children being outside playing with friends.

There’s a world of difference between knocking on a door and asking if a child can come out to play and climbing over a fence into someone else’s garden without asking permission of the adult living at that property……as I said previously…….great parenting!!!!

AssemblyPoint · 26/07/2025 07:34

legoplaybook · 25/07/2025 18:56

I'm always baffled by these threads where people can't bring themselves to talk to/say no to children. How does it happen???

In my house it would be a simple "DD, get back inside you're not allowed in the garden til 9" (and also a real bollocking about going outside when no one is up!)
"Neighbour kid, don't climb over the fence again. And don't call for DD before 10".

The end. Set some boundaries!

This!!… It’s likely that the grandma had no idea you weren’t happy about the situation

Lurkingandlearning · 26/07/2025 07:34

Wantmorenachosbutcant · 25/07/2025 20:09

Kitchen door is locked and keys put away, but a patio door can go into the garden, this has no lock, it locks by the putting the handle thing up and she can now pull it down to unlock

Well that’s the key to it 😬. Your daughter is being disobedient and doing something you consider dangerous. I’d be more concerned about that than the other child joining her.

PreciousTatas · 26/07/2025 07:33

youalright · 26/07/2025 07:10

Its no different then when kids are out playing and knock on friends doors. We need to encourage children being outside playing with friends.

Ah.

The refrain of every parent who terfs their child out to be wild and free. Leaving the poor responsible and often unwilling 'village' to actually watch them and make sure they don't do stupid things like die.

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