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Is my best friend racist?

614 replies

Newnamefortouchysubject · 25/07/2025 16:46

Visited my best friend today for lunch and had a conversation that has left me confused, so thought I'd bring it to the MN table.
We were talking about immigration, refugees and asylum seekers.
My friend says the issue is not the colour of people's skin, but rather their culture.
She has no problem with people who wish to settle here when they embrace the UK culture.
Her attitude is that multicultural societies are almost impossible to implement to everyones satisfaction because different cultures have such widely opposing beliefs and values and she believes it is unrealistic to expect to integrate many different cultures and values without considerable conflict between the different cultures.
Furthermore, she believes it is so difficult to integrate different cultures that people of the same ethnicity will inevitably gravitate towards each other and form their own social groups to the exclusion of other ethnic groups, so the whole idea of integration is pointless anyway.
We just end up with lots of different groups of people isolating themselves from other groups who don't share their ethnicity.
She is firmly of the belief that tensions that people describe as racially motivated actually stem from cultural differences, that she knows no one who has any issue with people of different races when they adopt the culture of the country they choose to migrate to, and that the tension is created by ethnic differences and their cultural differences.

I still say this is racism because racism also includes discriminating against people based on their ethnicity. She called me naive if I believe a truly multicultural society is possible when 'you wouldn't even tolerate a friend who has the same ethnicity as you but doesn't share your values so how do you expect to embrace someone's complete different way of life'.
I explained that the way other people choose to live their lives doesn't affect me. She called me naive again at this point and said when people don't have the same values, when they live according to different social rules, it affects people living in their vicinity who don't live like that.

Im not sure whether to raise the subject with her again, or let it lie because she seemed quite adamant and I'm not sure I could make her see this is still racist.

Now I'm wondering if I don't understand what racism is. Maybe I am naive.

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9
familylawyer01392 · 01/08/2025 13:35

It is racist but, given we're on Mumsnet, I'm not surprised at the responses you are getting

Enchantingdance · 31/07/2025 14:11

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 20:25

I’m amused and bemused in equal measure at how the “Left” can’t seem to form any coherent arguments against reasoned expressions of concern about unrestricted immigration or other issues they disagree with.

All they seem to be able to do is respond with nasty insults… time after time after time… though at least being called Gregg Wallace isn’t quite as absurd as being told I only like Trump (I don’t like him btw) because he’s a sexual predator 🤣. It’s absolutely pathetic…

This thread has made me wonder whether the Left is driven more by a hateful superiority complex than anything else. I can only guess that it’s because they realise that their power (a power that seemed invincible only five or so years ago as the dominant force in the media, entertainment, political and corporate worlds) is crumbling beneath them, and so they descend into sneering contempt for anyone who dares to cross them.

I agree with you and I’ve just had someone on the right argue with me rhat trump is we need and he isn’t a rapist or involve with epstein. Two sides do the extreme

WhereIsMyJumper · 31/07/2025 13:44

EasternStandard · 31/07/2025 13:32

Yes it’s a tactic on here but may be losing ground.

I completely agree. The left is all shouting in your face “be kind or I’ll burn your fucking house down” and not realising the irony…

EasternStandard · 31/07/2025 13:32

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 20:25

I’m amused and bemused in equal measure at how the “Left” can’t seem to form any coherent arguments against reasoned expressions of concern about unrestricted immigration or other issues they disagree with.

All they seem to be able to do is respond with nasty insults… time after time after time… though at least being called Gregg Wallace isn’t quite as absurd as being told I only like Trump (I don’t like him btw) because he’s a sexual predator 🤣. It’s absolutely pathetic…

This thread has made me wonder whether the Left is driven more by a hateful superiority complex than anything else. I can only guess that it’s because they realise that their power (a power that seemed invincible only five or so years ago as the dominant force in the media, entertainment, political and corporate worlds) is crumbling beneath them, and so they descend into sneering contempt for anyone who dares to cross them.

Yes it’s a tactic on here but may be losing ground.

LidlAmaretto · 31/07/2025 12:23

Papayatropics · 31/07/2025 01:39

Left used to be synonymous with liberal and progressive, but what it has become is as repugnant as the original definition of far-right (not the current usage which calls anyone who’s even vaguely conservative, “far” right). It’s now the radical left which sneers on any idea that they don’t espouse and attempt to dispose of it through false superiority or a desire to appear “cool” - I don’t know which. But either way, an unwillingness to enter into any discourse on topics such as immigration, integration and the problems of multi-culturalism will not make the problems go away. Eventually, they will arrive at the doorsteps of those who deign it beneath them to discuss it.

The hard left have always been this. It's more or less Marxist theory that this is what they are- that the educated middle classes need to 'educate' the poor and working class into correct think in order to bring forth the revolution. They don't care that the consequences of mass immigration are more keenly felt by the poor and by established immigrant communities, some of whom are here because they escaped from the types of tribal thinking in their native countries and don't fancy it following them here. There's only correct thinking and everything else which is 'far right' ( unless you are Islamist fundamentalist, which is about as far right as you can get, then you are an acceptable type of Far Right)

ohnotthisagain2025 · 31/07/2025 01:57

Papayatropics · 31/07/2025 01:39

Left used to be synonymous with liberal and progressive, but what it has become is as repugnant as the original definition of far-right (not the current usage which calls anyone who’s even vaguely conservative, “far” right). It’s now the radical left which sneers on any idea that they don’t espouse and attempt to dispose of it through false superiority or a desire to appear “cool” - I don’t know which. But either way, an unwillingness to enter into any discourse on topics such as immigration, integration and the problems of multi-culturalism will not make the problems go away. Eventually, they will arrive at the doorsteps of those who deign it beneath them to discuss it.

Yep, the left left us all behind, long ago. Those of us who were left are now considered far right by the radicalised people who call themselves left wing. Meanwhile, we are just normal, average people who were left or centrist left, and are now completely politically homeless.

Papayatropics · 31/07/2025 01:39

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 20:25

I’m amused and bemused in equal measure at how the “Left” can’t seem to form any coherent arguments against reasoned expressions of concern about unrestricted immigration or other issues they disagree with.

All they seem to be able to do is respond with nasty insults… time after time after time… though at least being called Gregg Wallace isn’t quite as absurd as being told I only like Trump (I don’t like him btw) because he’s a sexual predator 🤣. It’s absolutely pathetic…

This thread has made me wonder whether the Left is driven more by a hateful superiority complex than anything else. I can only guess that it’s because they realise that their power (a power that seemed invincible only five or so years ago as the dominant force in the media, entertainment, political and corporate worlds) is crumbling beneath them, and so they descend into sneering contempt for anyone who dares to cross them.

Left used to be synonymous with liberal and progressive, but what it has become is as repugnant as the original definition of far-right (not the current usage which calls anyone who’s even vaguely conservative, “far” right). It’s now the radical left which sneers on any idea that they don’t espouse and attempt to dispose of it through false superiority or a desire to appear “cool” - I don’t know which. But either way, an unwillingness to enter into any discourse on topics such as immigration, integration and the problems of multi-culturalism will not make the problems go away. Eventually, they will arrive at the doorsteps of those who deign it beneath them to discuss it.

Steelworks · 30/07/2025 05:50

TempestTost · 30/07/2025 02:30

No, central Canada.

Sounds like there’s mass emigration out of India then at the moment.

ohnotthisagain2025 · 30/07/2025 02:47

No, she's fine, you're incorrect.

TempestTost · 30/07/2025 02:30

Steelworks · 29/07/2025 14:10

Is that Australia? I think the largest percentage of immigrants are now from India in Australia.

No, central Canada.

RubySquid · 29/07/2025 22:50

placemats · 28/07/2025 23:52

There are a lot of people in Northern Ireland and Wales where Irish and Welsh is their first language. So what? I love hearing different languages being spoken in this country.

Edited

Do they also speak English though. Think that was the point

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 20:25

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 29/07/2025 19:19

That you Gregg?

I’m amused and bemused in equal measure at how the “Left” can’t seem to form any coherent arguments against reasoned expressions of concern about unrestricted immigration or other issues they disagree with.

All they seem to be able to do is respond with nasty insults… time after time after time… though at least being called Gregg Wallace isn’t quite as absurd as being told I only like Trump (I don’t like him btw) because he’s a sexual predator 🤣. It’s absolutely pathetic…

This thread has made me wonder whether the Left is driven more by a hateful superiority complex than anything else. I can only guess that it’s because they realise that their power (a power that seemed invincible only five or so years ago as the dominant force in the media, entertainment, political and corporate worlds) is crumbling beneath them, and so they descend into sneering contempt for anyone who dares to cross them.

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 29/07/2025 19:19

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 13:23

Yes, I think middle-aged women are less effected by the surge in migration and its effects on society, especially for those groups that come from very different cultures.

They often have well-established jobs, are on the property ladder, and are at lower risk of sexual assault than a younger woman/girl…

For those brought up assuming that everyone starts off on the Left, it’s quite shocking how right-wing the younger generation is - there’s a reason for this!

Rebelling against the status-quo isn’t being a Che Guevara t-shirt wearing Trotskyite any longer, it’s going to mass on Sunday (incredibly, church attendance of 18-24 year old men has increased 4-fold
since 2018!). I don’t think many middle-aged lefties have a clue about this trend, still less the reasons for it…

That you Gregg?

Anon501178 · 29/07/2025 14:17

Pinty · 25/07/2025 16:55

It depends what she means.
Of course everyone has to obey the law of the country they live in but they don't have to wear the same clothes, eat the same food, or celebrate the same festivals.
Many countries including the UK have embraced other cultures, food and language and developed .
And I think we are a lot richer for it.

This.

There are certain cultural practices or beliefs eg; homophobia, control towards women or physical abuse of children, which should not be allowed or welcomed in our country.

There are other things such as how somebody dresses, what festivals they celebrate or food they eat, which need to be embraced and respected.

Steelworks · 29/07/2025 14:10

TempestTost · 29/07/2025 00:13

My cousin's city, no in the UK, has had an enormous level of immigration over the past 10 years.Currently about half the population were not born in that country. Most are Indian.

There have been all kinds of previously unheard of incidents of sectarian violence and also discrimination in workplaces, because of people bringing their fights and prejudices with them from home. Stuff that has never been seen there in 100 years.

Some diversity can work well, but not all groups are equally able to integrate, and huge numbers like 50% can change a place significantly.

Is that Australia? I think the largest percentage of immigrants are now from India in Australia.

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 13:23

SpaceRaccoon · 29/07/2025 07:20

A lot of people are being radicalised and tend to left far right as they age, I wonder if it is not the selfishness of "I had my good time but now lets close the borders and get rid of them migrants", would be fascinating to see if someone already studies why that it.

I don't think so - if you look at any of the images of left-leaning demonstrations, the backbone tend to be middle-aged women.

I do think that events have genuinely altered people's views over the last few years. I know the first crack in my staunchly left-wing viewpoint came due to the trans issue. And once you feel at odds about one issue, the other questions do creep in.

I think that many of the middle-aged leftie protesters are the ones who are closed minded, refusing to alter their viewpoints even as the situation changes drastically. For some people it's too painful, I think.

Yes, I think middle-aged women are less effected by the surge in migration and its effects on society, especially for those groups that come from very different cultures.

They often have well-established jobs, are on the property ladder, and are at lower risk of sexual assault than a younger woman/girl…

For those brought up assuming that everyone starts off on the Left, it’s quite shocking how right-wing the younger generation is - there’s a reason for this!

Rebelling against the status-quo isn’t being a Che Guevara t-shirt wearing Trotskyite any longer, it’s going to mass on Sunday (incredibly, church attendance of 18-24 year old men has increased 4-fold
since 2018!). I don’t think many middle-aged lefties have a clue about this trend, still less the reasons for it…

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 13:14

HerNeighbourTotoro · 29/07/2025 07:04

But I think these things are extreme. I have many Muslim friends and none were made to sleep with their uncles. Many would find it as horrifying as people here did. The fact someone insists that something is the norm in their culture does not mean it so, and it's pretty daft to stretch one person's warped thinking onto the whole community.
It's like if I saw a bad woman driver and said all women drivers are crap.

I agree, it’s wrong to take an extreme example and apply that to a group as a whole. I’m not sure the poster was quite saying this, but if someone said “look, this Muslim man slept in the same bed as his 9 year old niece, aren’t Muslims such bad people”, I accept that would be Islamophobic/racist.

I think some of the posters who have been so forceful in their responses to me may have assumed this is my attitude…. but I’m not saying “look at the rapes committed by these Afghan men, isn’t is awful that Afghan men are all disgusting rapists”, rather I’ve said that certain cultures, such as the ones imported from places like Taliban-ruled Afghanistan, are incompatible with the core British values (eg women’s rights, freedom of religion/speech, democracy etc.) that we all-too-often take for granted… and this leads to men in those communities committing sex crimes at a much higher rate than in the general population (though still a minority - most Afghan men are not rapists!).

I wonder if those crying “racist” at this would be happy if they lived next door to a hotel that housed white Norwegian men deemed to be 10-20 times more likely to commit sex crimes than average? Would they be unconcerned for their daughters?

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 12:53

Menier · 29/07/2025 08:19

That sentence pretty much captures the dismissive attitude.
Disagree with me and your are not only wrong but so wrong that you need somehow saving (by what/ whom- you?).
No attempt to listen or reasonably debate.

It’s not even that, I’m “too late” to save, and I am a long way from far right!

This hyper-polar world inhabited by those on both the far-left and far-right where those with different opinions are considered mortal enemies, worthy only of abuse and insults, damages our society.

EasternStandard · 29/07/2025 09:02

SpaceRaccoon · 29/07/2025 07:20

A lot of people are being radicalised and tend to left far right as they age, I wonder if it is not the selfishness of "I had my good time but now lets close the borders and get rid of them migrants", would be fascinating to see if someone already studies why that it.

I don't think so - if you look at any of the images of left-leaning demonstrations, the backbone tend to be middle-aged women.

I do think that events have genuinely altered people's views over the last few years. I know the first crack in my staunchly left-wing viewpoint came due to the trans issue. And once you feel at odds about one issue, the other questions do creep in.

I think that many of the middle-aged leftie protesters are the ones who are closed minded, refusing to alter their viewpoints even as the situation changes drastically. For some people it's too painful, I think.

Same. I don’t see why Labour inspires such loyalty anyway. It’s very embedded.

Menier · 29/07/2025 08:19

placemats · 28/07/2025 23:23

You are already captured. Beyond saving. Fill your boots.

That sentence pretty much captures the dismissive attitude.
Disagree with me and your are not only wrong but so wrong that you need somehow saving (by what/ whom- you?).
No attempt to listen or reasonably debate.

SpaceRaccoon · 29/07/2025 07:20

A lot of people are being radicalised and tend to left far right as they age, I wonder if it is not the selfishness of "I had my good time but now lets close the borders and get rid of them migrants", would be fascinating to see if someone already studies why that it.

I don't think so - if you look at any of the images of left-leaning demonstrations, the backbone tend to be middle-aged women.

I do think that events have genuinely altered people's views over the last few years. I know the first crack in my staunchly left-wing viewpoint came due to the trans issue. And once you feel at odds about one issue, the other questions do creep in.

I think that many of the middle-aged leftie protesters are the ones who are closed minded, refusing to alter their viewpoints even as the situation changes drastically. For some people it's too painful, I think.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 29/07/2025 07:07

SpottyAardvark · 29/07/2025 00:02

Spot on.

I’m another former card-carrying, Guardian reading pinko liberal leftie who has been mugged by reality. I just find it impossible to continue pretending that ‘diversity is our strength’ etc etc when I see the evidence of appalling abusive misogyny, patriarchal repression, refusal to integrate & sectarian religious divisions with my own eyes every time I go into my local city.

A lot of people are being radicalised and tend to left far right as they age, I wonder if it is not the selfishness of "I had my good time but now lets close the borders and get rid of them migrants", would be fascinating to see if someone already studies why that it.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 29/07/2025 07:04

Moveoverdarlin · 25/07/2025 16:55

I agree with her and think you’re naive.

There is a thread on here currently from a worried Mum who has an ex husband from the Middle East who lets their six year old daughter sleep in the same bed as her uncle (the Father’s brother). The Father insists it’s the norm in his culture and yet every poster on here told the Mum to inform social services. That’s case in point isn’t it?

But I think these things are extreme. I have many Muslim friends and none were made to sleep with their uncles. Many would find it as horrifying as people here did. The fact someone insists that something is the norm in their culture does not mean it so, and it's pretty daft to stretch one person's warped thinking onto the whole community.
It's like if I saw a bad woman driver and said all women drivers are crap.

GoodPudding · 29/07/2025 06:32

placemats · 28/07/2025 23:52

There are a lot of people in Northern Ireland and Wales where Irish and Welsh is their first language. So what? I love hearing different languages being spoken in this country.

Edited

Yes, I have no issue with that, but they can and do also speak English fluently.

ForeverLoveCeltic · 29/07/2025 01:31

What countries "insist on this"?

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