Sister jealous of our lifestyle

I had a friend who got very upset when she put a bit of weight on and weighed more than me! I think she enjoyed her role as the slim pretty one.

She’s not obliged to look at your facebook pics. I think she’s sensible to avoid doing so if she knows it will make her feel bad about what she’s currently missing. What good would that do anyone? Do you want her to feel bad? Why don’t you focus on the nice holiday that you had, rather than whether or not she is liking your facebook posts? Unless the point of the holiday from your perspective was to make her feel envious? If not, why does it matter whether she looks at the posts or not?

She does it every time she visits my mum. My mum gets so angry and upset and I try to tell her to let it go but she’s easily upset about things nowadays. My mum was ranting about her even moving her photo book, my DN is one one page and my DS on the other, so she moves it over so my DS is covered by the table leg 😂.

My mum says it’s all jealousy, my DC find it hilarious.

I wonder if it’s disapproval or uninterest/trying to keep tabs on her kids.

I had my kids aged 26-30. Even now at 38 I’d be too old (for me, not others) so no idea how older mums keep the energy levels up.

Out of interest, when your kids were small did you get support from your parents/extended family? Financial or childcare? And does she?

Hit her where it hurts and ignore posts about her kids and pictures of her kids.

I don't think not looking photos or asking about holidays is the worse thing. How else does she show her annoyance?

Wow that is really shit of your sister. Moving your DC’s pics to the back?! Wtf

I don’t really get this…are you sure she is jealous? She had a fabulous, glamorous life with lots of travelling when younger and now has 3 kids. I did fairly similar (but infertility and one child)
I’m really glad I had my travelling days when younger and the lack of responsibility and the fun that came with that freedom. I’m more cautious now, not that bothered about travelling as have travelled the world and lived abroad etc and now love just being with my Dd and being calmer (i’m mid 40’s ) i’m guessing if she’s done all that and did it while young and with energy, she might not actually be jealous??

Even if she is feeling tired and knackered with her children it's just basic manners and what makes the world go by ,asking if you had a lovely time.

Maybe she thinks you're showing off and is just bored of hearing about your holidays? Some people are quite annoying posting photos constantly of holidays and it feels like bragging at a point, it's not that interesting to other people.

All she's done is - not comment on Facebook posts, and not talk about it. She's your sister, so I'd just accept she doesn't want to talk about holidays with you. If she is in a tougher season of life and feeling a bit jealous, it's not very kind to rub it in her face.

I completely agree that her behaviour is rude (if she's aware of what she's doing) but that's very different to jealousy.

This.

Not commenting on fb or asking after your holidays is hardly representative of seething envy.

I also have a friend who, only once my life changed quite a lot, became very difficult with me.

My husband and I realised that our relationship had benefitted her because she felt we were similar yet she was superior. Once the dynamic changed she couldnt cope with that!

Maybe she has a bit of 'been there. done that' attitude? I've had similar trajectory to your sister and travel talk just bores me now.

She's probably exhausted. Remember that feeling when they were little and you felt like anything could go wrong at any second? It's tough. Draining.

We are at that free stage and SIL has a little one still, plus an older one. Don't think she's really thinking too hard about what we are doing, she's got all her energy focused on her own.

But it’s impolite to show zero interest even if you’ve been there, done that. We wouldn’t be best pleased if people poo-poo’d our joy and excitement at our new baby because they’d “been there done that”, so why are we supposed to just accept it for other life goals such as travel? I’m the most well-travelled person I know, but I still listened and showed interest when DNephew excitedly told me about his first trip to Paris, even though I’ve been there at least 10 times.

I’d be jealous too of your lifestyle if I was early/ mid 50’s with primary school children and my slightly older sister had grown up kids and loads of free time and travel. She made her choices though and she had 3 kids.

Are you sure she's jealous??

This is far better than pretending to take interest. DM hit me with “how’s your new job” on the phone a while back, and I kid you not I was mid-first-sentence before she said “okay I have to go now”. 😂😂

Give me completely uninterested any day!

OP says she only mentioned the holiday in passing and her sister said "Hmm" with a cross expression on her face. That's not a normal reaction. If OP had been talking about it for ages maybe

It sounds like your sister led a fabulous life while she was young - exactly the time to have fun. I doubt she's jealous, more she's just not interested because she's seen and done it all already and has now moved on to the next phase of a busy, fulfilling life.

@its5oclocksomewheresurely jealous much????? lol not your problem!

This. My mum has not yet enquired about a week in New York I had five months ago. Not even to ask her granddaughter if she had a nice holiday . She’s not jealous just totally self absorbed and not very good at doing social niceties.

I think they other peoples holidays are, like other peoples dreams, fundamentally boring unless you have a particular interest in the destination!

She was silly to have 3 children after she had the life she had in her 20s and 30s. My friends and I are all very much like your sister - we’re in our mid to late 30s and life is honestly so fantastic (sorry to humble brag). About half of us will remain child-free and the other half plan to go down the baby route BUT only have one child. To try and preserve as much of our fabulous life as possible.

So yeah, she shouldn’t have had 3 kids, it seems.

In any case, ignore her and carry on enjoying your 50s.