To be frustrated we’ve come all this way for his daughter just to cancel

I think the advice to stay out of it is probably best. It's not your problem so don't try to fix it. Her behaviour towards you clearly signals her attitude so I wouldn't bother with her again. Leave DP's family to DP and concentrate on your own DC.

Can’t advise as we don’t know what went down between them, but all I can say is if you’re not too keen on Lisbon you can always rent a car and drive out, there’s tons of other beautiful areas to see outside the city.

Plus it’s summer so there’s about 8363892 medieval fairs and summer festivals going on. Make the most of it!

She probably feels it's the least he can do if he was not.a good father, maybe thinks it's her right, who knows? I'm not saying that is good but it is understandable.

Op I don't think you can do anything about this and it would be best if you stay out of it. However do encourage your husband to try and see his daughter and discuss the situation with her. He needs to know what her problem is though he may have a good idea.

Funny that he has a bad daughter AND a bad son.

Russian culture is so very different from British culture that I would hesitate before taking the advice of anyone on this thread except those who have said that they have some familiarity with Russian culture.

Or maybe she's just not a great daughter.

Guilt money ?
because he doesn’t have real relationships with his kids and now his daughter had a better offer, and thought she can’t be arsed with this bloke !!
don’t blame her !! I’d take the money too if I were her !!

After 5 years together, I'd expect you to know a lot more about what is going on. Either it turns out he was a bad absent father or surely you would question what is going on?

Or maybe you don't care that he was a shit father. Which is totally fine too, you're older, his parenting skills don't matter much (although it's an indication of how caring he is / will be generally....shit fathers are usually not great partners either).

It was never a firm yes, was it? she was just going pop down to see you for dinner. She has also flaked before, when you have tried to meet up during a holiday.

She just doesn't have a close relationship with her dad,

It says more about him than your SD.

Why is he still sending her money except for Birthdays and Xmas. She's an adult and if she can afford to buzz off to Rome to see a friend she doesn't need his money.

My daughter did something very similar a couple of times, not abroad but UK. It turned out she didn't want to meet my partner (not her dad).

Did you ask or tell her about your trip? My dad has a tendency towards the latter and it just creates frustration all round as inevitably the dates he's chosen to fly over aren't the best dates for me or my sister, between work and her kids. He ends up getting less quality time with us if we are all knackered.

You were silly to book a holiday around someone who doesn't care whether she sees you or not.

And there will be a reason neither of his children want to spend time with him.

I'd be worrying a lot more about what kind of man you're with rather than blaming his daughter.

I also think that it’s not your circus OP and I would stay out of it.
They are certainly not close and it looks for me like she is hiding something about her life - could be anything and being Russian might be neither here nor there. Personal meeting would probably make it obvious. She is certainly doing a minimal effort not to rock the boat and continue receiving money but no more.
I wonder what exactly she is doing there. And I would expect her father to know her job and place of work and roughly what she’s doing. And if it’s not that way - the answer lays there.

Where is their mother? Have I missed this? In Russia? They are Russian - not quite like other people.

Maybe it's the fact that he's holidaying with you and your kids.I would want no part of your 'family holiday' either if I was her. Lisbon is a short flight in the same time-zone and can cost about £30 off season. He could have visited her any weekend since 2022. I've been to Lisbon twice this year and have long weekend booked in Jan because my best friend lives there. It's hardly the moon.

@Ghrale she obviously doesnt need his money if she can afford flights to see her friend in another country! is she just using him for his money perhaps??

Kindly, this has nothing to do with you. It is between the two of them. If my parents were divorced and I hadn't lived with my father for years, I couldn't be less interested in meeting his partner, in fact I would downright refuse to do so. You need to back far away from this situation.

Did her father ring her and say he wanted to visit, ask when suited her, and plan round her availability (like you would with another adult who you were visiting)?

Or did he text her to say what dates he was coming to Lisbon, without checking her availability and just assume that she would be available?

I lived abroad for a long time and we had a couple of awkward family holidays when my parents did the second one but expected to have me available, but I was busy working in a seasonal role with no flexibility. It took them a while to get the fact that they needed to do option one, like they would with a friend.

Hi, I’m not Russian but Eastern European and have a lot of Russian friends.

It’s fairly normal for parents to still be sending a daughter money in mid-20s, but not normal to have that little contact, or for her to be actively avoiding it - if anything, I’d say there is much more emphasis on the family unit and father/daughter relationship in EE families than in British ones. So really don’t think that is a cultural quirk, something is probably wrong, but not enough info to figure out what that could be.

There's not enough info to understand what's going on. You'll know best if your partner knows more and isn't telling you. Does he seem upset and/or very surprised about his daughter's not meeting him on this holiday, not seeing him when in London, and whatever occurred with the Russia trip? He could ask her over text, email, phone, etc - not ideal, but possible. Maybe he's unhappy about the situation but doesn't want to confront her for fear of pushing her further away, for fear of hearing something hurtful from her that he's not ready to face, or just because he's conflict-avoidant. In the end, whether he pushes her for an explanation or change has to be his choice.

I'd hesitate to place too much blame on the daughter; it sounds like he might have presented it to her as "we'll be in Lisbon on x dates and would love to see you" rather than "we'd like to come and see you in Lisbon; when would be the best time?" If he still persisted in going and didn't offer to change the dates even after she said she was only free for one dinner, then it's reasonable that she thinks you all WANTED to visit Lisbon and would have gone even if she weren't there. Personally, I might sit out any future trips centered around his children for now, if you (and your children, if they come with you) aren't otherwise wanting to visit the location.

I mean the evidence is that he doesn’t see his children.

And that the daughter doesn’t want to see him.

You don’t reach that stage if you’ve been an excellent father.

Hence me asking the question…..to get an answer as it wasn’t mentioned in the OP.

I love how so many posters are jumping to the conclusion that he’s been a bad father with absolutely no evidence to support it. Typical MN misandry.

Well given that she travelled with him to somewhere she wasn’t keen on going and it ended up a bust, of course it’s her business.