Child causing to me drink

Yep totally agree with finding your tribe,/ people my special needs parents group of friends saved me we have a group chat thing that we all post in and offer support and meet up when we can for breakfast it really helps me to know I'm not alone.

It is relentless. And exhausting. And I promise some of us do understand. I can’t promise it gets easier but you can find things that make it more enjoyable.
He isn’t making you drink, and eating and drinking won’t help, but you already know this.
as hard as it is, you need to find some thing for you. If you want to drink and eating less, then this needs to be a separate issue and one you deal with for you. You can only be a good parent if you are looking after yourself first. It has taken me 12 years to work this out.
If you don’t already, then apply for dla, if you don’t work it earn much, then you can apply for carers. It’s not much but it will pay for things that just make life a little easier.
And find your tribe. Either in real life or online. You need other parents then genuinely don’t mind you messaging at 6am telling them how bad your night has been, even though they have been up since 3am as well.

Caffeine helped my friends daughter sleep, it is meant to affect the adhd/autistic brain chemistry differently. Worth an experiment maybe?

DS is 12 and autistic. It's fucking hard, and help and support is limited - we've never had any practical help in the areas we desperately needed despite asking repeatedly.

Saying that, you do need to go to your GP - ask if there's a GP with an interest in mental health at your surgery and try and make an appointment with them. I don't know what area you're in so don't know what services are available, but that would be a start.

You could also look at what's available in the voluntary sector, for smaller local organisations and groups check Facebook or get in touch with your local voluntary sector council as they may be able to signpost you.

And get a Carer's Assesment if you've not had one.

Gp can write to ss to support access to respite short breaks
They will want to know where dad is and what dad is doing
If op is getting extremely drunk /alcoholic/ putting her dc at risk / if suicidal etc she needs to tell gp and ss children with disabilities
Gp letter can support or speed ss referral

Of course with another capable adult at home they will ask questions as to why they are not supporting but you cannot access any help without asking

Saying your ideal is weekly overnight respite might get you just a few hours initially but it is a start

Exactly -

you are drinking / eating because you aren’t coping with your feelings

Speak to GP / health visitor / SS early help etc

get down to one of the mental health neighbourhood cafes

this isnt gonna sort itself, you need to be reaching out and saying I’m not coping here …

drinking is going to make it harder to cope - you will be more depressed, worse sleep, less focus, more skint, etc etc …

And yeah a GP is not going to authorise foster care every weekend it's just not going to happen and it's not the Gp s job.

They do exist but you know as well as I do how hard it is to access them and they usually exist for the most complex needs children I don't mean to pessimistic, but realistically even to get a little bit of respite is hard

Like this service
It does exist
Types of fostering: Short breaks for children with disabilities | Essex County Council https://share.google/qhN7UacIi7Ks1NBhW

Go to gp
Tell gp everything
Refer to ss children with disabilities for urgent carer assessment
Tell gp and ss you need urgent every weekend foster care respite and why
Ask gp to refer you to addiction alcohol and weight management services
Initial step might be offering you few hours but if you can and mean it that you need foster care weekend respite placement they can look into it. But you have to be prepared to hand over child to some one else.

You have to say you at breaking point and mean it and be prepared to allow child to be taken care of by others. Alternative is you literally break.

I have a severely autistic child with global developmental delay and suspected ADHD (similar age to your child). I tried to drink but developed a rare allergy to alcohol. If I want to drink I have to dose up on antihistamines and steroids.

The biggest difficulty I’ve experienced is the loneliness. I’ve always made friends with people I work with or see regularly. I’m so isolated now, I can’t work and take him to therapy at the same time. I have nothing in common with other parents. We have never been invited to a play date and there have been no birthday invites this year.

Honestly i feel the same as you. It is so challenging looking after a child with complex needs. Do you get DLA? If not apply and see if you can put your child in a nursery to give you a break. I go to the gym it's the only thing that keeps ke sane, without it I would drink too.

Melatonin doesn't work for him? It doesn't always work for mine either

I'm sorry that things are so tough. I hope they get easier, little steps to hold it together.
Regrets are normal when you're overwhelmed and possibly depressed.
Book an appointment with the Doctor for a check-in.

They can but ime,it will be parenting courses and very little else
But at least she can meet parents in similar situations.

@x2boysthey can still sign post OP to help & support.

Respite is incredibly difficult to get paticularly at four .

No, your child isnt making you drink. hes not holding it up to your mouth and chugging it down your throat.
You are overwhelmed. Speak to social services about possible resbite, get some help with some tatics & stragerties that will work for him.

Op I feel your pain

Many of us have been there

Please ask for help

Contact services and tell them how hard it is to
You are only human and be honest with them
It is a lot to deal with xxxxxx

Try to reframe / it’s not your child making you drink. You are overwhelmed and need resources to help. Drinking is a response that you know won’t help, but is an immediate escape.

Can you get mounjaro? That might make you feel better about yourself which will help you deal better with your child and other challenges? Lots of people on MN could advise you on that I’m sure x

Has he started school yet?
And is he mainstream or will he be going to a special school?
The early years can be very hard My son is 15 and severely autistic and has severe learning disabilities we have a good package of respite now but only in the last couple of years
Hsve you had early help involved ?

Hi OP,

Your situation sounds really hard. As tough as it sounds, you need to keep showing up to GPs and the council and demand help.
It sucks but if it looks like you are coping, they think you are coping.
Try and find some self-help groups in the area for parents. There is strength in numbers and there will be people who have gone through the same thing.
Why do you say your partner is not much help? Is he sitting back and letting you get on with it or have you maybe taken over default parent because it feels easier if you just do it yourself. I don't know your situation, but in your long term interest, you should get his dad involved in parenting.
Take some time for yourself. I don't know how autism is affecting your son, but you may have to support him into adulthood and you can't do it alone. Your partner should be your closest ally.

Its not easy, sending you my love.

There isn't much help about. Sure start was good as were some local charities. It was just bloody lonely as couldnt take them places without at least two adults and had to be enclosed as no sense of danger and omg the meltdowns.

I had dog gates (big high baby gates) on every room. Bedrooms were made into safe spaces so I could leave them for 5 mins without someone being hurt or something destroyed.

Not for all kids unfortunately.