Page 6 | Get frigging childcare

JuniperJuly · 2025-07-25T11:30:01+00:00

Yes another one of these posts. Emergencies dont count obviously but otherwise, no you cant do your job and look after your young child at the same time. This morning I had a 2hr teams meeting with an external person trying to organise an event for September. It was almost impossible. Every 2 minutes it was no darling, dont stick the pencil up your bum (true story. I dont care if she is on here), or telling me to hang on a second while she dealt with her child or her child shouting down the headset and being told he is sooooo cute. I said that its awful when you get let down by childcare and she said that she was always planning on working with him at home. But she obviously isnt working! If shes like that on a teams call what is she like normally? Last week I was on a group call and could hear someone's baby crying. Maybe she has a nanny or something, whatever, but then it became very obvious that the person wasnt actually on the call but had dialled in and buggered off, presumably to look after the crying child. Ive now got to send an email to the person from this morning to discuss all the things we couldnt do this morning. Im not even going to bother putting in another meeting with her. I've half a mind to send an email along the lines of lovely to meet your child this morning. You had your hands full with him so we couldnt discuss everything so here is what I need. Its probably easier to do via email to limit distractions" and cc her manager in. Would that make me a bitch? Im so annoyed at the delay and the extra work it will give me.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 25/07/2025 23:07

AnotherNaCha · 25/07/2025 21:12

This. And sour grapes because they had to do it “the hard way”. Ingrained misogyny and very disheartening. Don’t worry ladies, it’s still hard - probably harder

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Bollocks.

It is so disheartening that it is predominantly women still doing the juggling. My mum was more career driven than my dad, and I’m more career driven than DH, which probably speaks to why childcare hasn’t ever been my responsibility alone.

The cycle continues. We’ll never close the gender pay gap if women don’t insist on parental equality.

In the meantime employers get half a job and kids get half the care. It’s a shitty situation in the majority of cases.

ns87 · 25/07/2025 21:29

Did she even apologise?

AnotherNaCha · 25/07/2025 21:12

usedtobeaylis · 25/07/2025 20:56

Ultimately all the people stamping their feet because their basic fear that someone is getting something they're not are about to roll all our gains back and make it harder for women. Again.

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This. And sour grapes because they had to do it “the hard way”. Ingrained misogyny and very disheartening. Don’t worry ladies, it’s still hard - probably harder

limescale · 25/07/2025 21:09

Viviennemary · 25/07/2025 14:52

This working from home is nothing but a skivers charter. And CF charter too. If I was in charge they would all be back in the office everyday. Too many folk taking advantage.

Dang....my office is on Hong Kong. That's a heck of a commute.
Thankfully you're not in charge of me and I definitely don't take advantage.

limescale · 25/07/2025 21:01

usedtobeaylis · 25/07/2025 20:54

You say "that's the purpose of holiday club" as if everyone has some kind of access to this? There's one charity-run holiday club in my area that runs for two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon, and kids have to leave at lunchtime. I would need to go there 6 times a day at 20 minutes each time. My employer is flexible but I don't think even they would wear that 😅

People think they have magical solutions because it works for them, but your experience isn't a universal one. That's what people need to get into their heads.

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So what do you (and others) do for childcare during the school holidays?
Or are you just talking about subsidised ones?

usedtobeaylis · 25/07/2025 20:56

SpidersAreShitheads · 25/07/2025 18:45

Oof. I don't know about all of this really. I get that it's annoying but you have no idea what goes on behind someone else's closed door. What pressures they're facing, how much money they have to pay for childcare, and what support they have available.

And the thing is, the burden is ALWAYS on women. It's nearly always women with children popping up on Teams etc. It's women struggling to balance dropoff/pickups with their working hours. It's women trying to find a job that fits in with school termtime etc.

Women often get paid less for doing the same job as a man. And often women are confined to lower paid jobs because of the need to balance up childcare. This means there's not the spare money to shell out hundreds and hundreds of pounds on holiday clubs. What the hell do you do?!

But if women don't work, they get crucified too for being lazy and not pulling their weight financially. They literally can't win.

I would always cut women who are trying to do their best some slack. It's bloody hard trying to keep all the balls in the air. And it gets harder all of the time with rising costs and stagnant wages.

It won't kill you to show a bit of compassion. OP, you suggest that you could get what you need by email, so do that. No need to create a drama around it - she's clearly finding it hard to manage Teams right now so if email works better, just use that.

As a society I think we're losing - or have lost - the ability to see the bigger picture. I thought COVID might bring a better work/life balance and a chance in culture so it's more akin to Scandinavia, but no such luck.

Ultimately all the people stamping their feet because their basic fear that someone is getting something they're not are about to roll all our gains back and make it harder for women. Again.

usedtobeaylis · 25/07/2025 20:54

BleuBeans · 25/07/2025 16:40

I don’t believe parents should work at home with primary age kids. That’s the whole purpose of holiday club. I’ve had to have difficult conversations with colleagues about this. It spoils WFH for those of us who do understand that you can’t do your job well if you’re focusing on your kids. If it’s not acceptable to have your kids in the office or if you won’t leave your child home alone, it’s not ok to care for them at home whilst working unless your employer has explicitly stated it is.

Many councils are now subsidising holiday clubs. Whilst I don’t get them for free, it does reduce the overall running costs as it makes it more viable for providers. There is also tax free childcare and unpaid parental leave. I also view those childcare costs as my annual childcare fees. Some weeks I pay but the majority of weeks are free (school). I still come away with more money than if I didn’t work

In your situation, I would be reporting the issue as that’s totally unprofessional, especially with an external contract. She could potentially be risking current or future contracts for her employer

Edited

You say "that's the purpose of holiday club" as if everyone has some kind of access to this? There's one charity-run holiday club in my area that runs for two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon, and kids have to leave at lunchtime. I would need to go there 6 times a day at 20 minutes each time. My employer is flexible but I don't think even they would wear that 😅

People think they have magical solutions because it works for them, but your experience isn't a universal one. That's what people need to get into their heads.

Praying4Peace · 25/07/2025 20:51

AnotherNaCha · 25/07/2025 18:48

When OP is off ill/feeling out of sorts/under productive etc it’s also not the colleagues fault. Thats why we have teams.

Having a child around is way less problematic than a shit/lazy/bullying colleague.

Before children I may have felt like the OP, afterwards as a single mum, I get it, it can be done - am sure she’s doing it occasionally/on the holidays and more than pulling her weight. Just try to have some understanding.

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Single mum here. I know all about the struggles of working and cc. Been there and done it, my responsibility as a parent.
My neighbour has cancelled her cc as she is now wfh?????!!!!!!!!!!!!

BreadandButterscotch · 25/07/2025 20:35

It would be awkward if she did recognise you and reported you first for being on mumsnet at work!

Pieceofpurplesky · 25/07/2025 20:29

I think it’s bad not just for work but for the child too. They are not being looked after properly and will feel this when they get older.
i am a teacher and did a 3/2 split in lockdown, 3 days in school and 2 at home. My class did get a great view of my cat’s bum hole once.

Praying4Peace · 25/07/2025 20:21

Viviennemary · 25/07/2025 14:52

This working from home is nothing but a skivers charter. And CF charter too. If I was in charge they would all be back in the office everyday. Too many folk taking advantage.

This in abundance

Praying4Peace · 25/07/2025 20:18

PropertyD · 25/07/2025 19:32

Don’t get me started on people who claim they are far more productive and that it’s down to the big bad employers who need to sort out who is doing what from home and when. I used to work with a women who was truly awful. Left an important meeting at 1400 because she needed to be home in time for pick up. Never around for urgent client calls but would pop up afterwards with a friendly wave asking if there is anything she could do to help…

The company were going through a number of reorganisations so she wasn’t dealt with properly BUT what gave her the attitude that she could behave like this and why is it up to the company time and time again to sort out this sort of piss taking? Surely when you have a middle management role you should know all of this.

She definitely wasn’t the only one. One guy ran a fish and chip shop at lunchtime with his wife!!

Thank you.
I have numerous examples of people taking the whilst allegedly wfh.
And if you have children, you have the responsibility of arranging suitable childcare to ensure you meet your contractual requirements.
So many people milking it

Praying4Peace · 25/07/2025 20:12

Another shining example of how some people "wfh" take the complete and utter p*.
If you have young children, you need cc!
Plain and simple

Hosepipedramas · 25/07/2025 20:08

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/07/2025 20:01

Before Covid people rarely worked from home

so they obv paid for childcare then

obv children now older so more like holidays clubs for the same parents

but few do

yes it’s a stretch and paying out £300+ per child but you know it’s coming

budget over the year for all the weeks you don’t have to pay or pay a small amount before /after school clubs

I've definitely found there to be a reduction in the number of holiday clubs about these days so I think WFH with kids is becoming more common. Around us there used to be loads of holiday clubs and most operated 8-5.30 but there's far fewer now and most are 9-3. I have to book really early to get a full day place.

LaLaLandDreams · 25/07/2025 20:07

To be honest I would have ended the meeting after 5 minutes of the kid being a nuisance.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 25/07/2025 20:07

HelpMeUnpickThis · 25/07/2025 19:05

@AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti

People have been paying for childcare, at times losing a whole salary to do so - for years. This is nothing new. Your sense of entitlement is baffling.

My parents - the grandparents - are an 11 hour flight away.

Even if they were closer - i would absolutely not have any expectation of them being my childcare.

Why would they? They raised me, educated me, I work and I decided to have a family.

I really don't understand this sense of perceived obligation that comes up
on here.

I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else. I’ve said nothing g about grandparents providing childcare.

The irony of your post is that I have no sense of entitlement whatsoever. My parents were 9000 miles away when DD was born. We have never had free childcare. (DD is a teen, both DH and I have always worked full time and he pulls his damn weight.)

LaLaLandDreams · 25/07/2025 20:02

People seem massively entitled to think they can ‘work’ from home with kids.

I can’t imagine it’s much fun for them having to entertain themselves stuck in either. I’d go to their manager and complain.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/07/2025 20:01

Before Covid people rarely worked from home

so they obv paid for childcare then

obv children now older so more like holidays clubs for the same parents

but few do

yes it’s a stretch and paying out £300+ per child but you know it’s coming

budget over the year for all the weeks you don’t have to pay or pay a small amount before /after school clubs

Whatshesaid96 · 25/07/2025 19:57

Absolutely not on, emergencies yes but not deliberately using childcare. I think there is something in my WFH contract about not providing childcare for under 8's whilst working. Mine are 4 & 6, we've managed with annual leave, grandparents (mine still work FT so are using their own leave) and paying teenage relatives. There might be time when our childcare falls apart this summer. However my company accepts us being adults and saying when we have a problem. They have no issue with us making time up at other parts of the day or weekends as long as the business does not suffer. Basically tell us as we are all adults but don't deceive and not get the work done.

Hosepipedramas · 25/07/2025 19:53

PropertyD · 25/07/2025 19:32

Don’t get me started on people who claim they are far more productive and that it’s down to the big bad employers who need to sort out who is doing what from home and when. I used to work with a women who was truly awful. Left an important meeting at 1400 because she needed to be home in time for pick up. Never around for urgent client calls but would pop up afterwards with a friendly wave asking if there is anything she could do to help…

The company were going through a number of reorganisations so she wasn’t dealt with properly BUT what gave her the attitude that she could behave like this and why is it up to the company time and time again to sort out this sort of piss taking? Surely when you have a middle management role you should know all of this.

She definitely wasn’t the only one. One guy ran a fish and chip shop at lunchtime with his wife!!

I am definitely more productive at home, and don't have an hour + commute, so actually work slightly longer BUT my kids are in childcare for the whole time I'm at work! And I have a cleaner, so I'm not doing housework whilst I'm supposed to be working. Admittedly I'm in almost back to back meeting all day everyday so it's hard to pretend to work at my job!

PropertyD · 25/07/2025 19:32

Don’t get me started on people who claim they are far more productive and that it’s down to the big bad employers who need to sort out who is doing what from home and when. I used to work with a women who was truly awful. Left an important meeting at 1400 because she needed to be home in time for pick up. Never around for urgent client calls but would pop up afterwards with a friendly wave asking if there is anything she could do to help…

The company were going through a number of reorganisations so she wasn’t dealt with properly BUT what gave her the attitude that she could behave like this and why is it up to the company time and time again to sort out this sort of piss taking? Surely when you have a middle management role you should know all of this.

She definitely wasn’t the only one. One guy ran a fish and chip shop at lunchtime with his wife!!

IcedPurple · 25/07/2025 19:07

PropertyD · 25/07/2025 18:41

It’s rife and childcare has always been expensive and an issue. It’s not an excuse to claim it’s now their employers issue for not paying them enough.

This is why a number of employers are now getting everyone back in the office. A number of women (yes, it does tend to be women) have spoilt it for the rest of us.

It’s also giving women in the workplace a terrible name. Employers are likely to choose a man over women and that would be a awful setback for women in general.

Exactly this was predicted 5 years ago when the whole WFH thing kicked off.

HiddenRiver · 25/07/2025 19:05

The poll results says it all. Send the email, OP.

I wonder how common this is now with WFH …as everyone tells me this sort of thing is unacceptable and would be misconduct - but on MN people seem to get high earning jobs whilst working 12 hours a week from home and looking after 2 under 2 so...

HelpMeUnpickThis · 25/07/2025 19:05

@AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti

People have been paying for childcare, at times losing a whole salary to do so - for years. This is nothing new. Your sense of entitlement is baffling.

My parents - the grandparents - are an 11 hour flight away.

Even if they were closer - i would absolutely not have any expectation of them being my childcare.

Why would they? They raised me, educated me, I work and I decided to have a family.

I really don't understand this sense of perceived obligation that comes up
on here.

cadburyegg · 25/07/2025 19:04

I have sympathy for people who genuinely can’t afford childcare, or have been let down, or have sick children. I think in the latter 2 circumstances I would rearrange a 2 hr meeting. IME most people are apologetic/ explain in advance if they are in those circumstances.

However there are a lot of people who can perfectly well afford childcare but just don’t want to spend the money on it which annoys me! And don’t get me started on men who won’t take the time off during the holidays….