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This was not a double booking!!

88 replies

autienotnaughty · 25/07/2025 10:46

I have close friend of 40+ years, our families were very close when we were growing up her mam and dad were like an auntie and uncle to me etc.
when we were about 15 her cousin was born, we loved visiting and she was even flower girl at my wedding 7 years later. In the last 20 years I have remained close to my friend but rarely see her extended family. Every couple years we might do a weekend away and her cousin (now adult) will come.
A couple of years ago at my friends 50th, cousin was talking about her wedding (recently engaged no date set) she said we (the general group not her cousin) would be invited to the evening do. Very kind of her to include us.

This year I received an invite to her hen do which is in august, sadly I can’t attend due to health issues so I declined.
i then received a invite to the evening do and typical I’m at a show that evening, it’s a one off event that we got tickets for about 18 months ago. It was something I got for my husband as a gift.
Now we could miss the event and take the financial loss or try to sell tickets (bought locally so can’t just do it on Ticketmaster) but I’d feel bad for dh as there are two other events I couldn’t attend due to my health issues so, one we resold tickets on tm the other dh took his brother. Plus dh has never met friends cousin so naturally he’s less bother for wedding.
So I messaged cousin and apologised and said we had a prior commitment, she was fine but when I spoke to my friend she was off with me. Mentioned something about how could I have double booked? But I booked this event before bride had mentioned a date or even a year. So I don’t think I did double book? Should I have given up the event?

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 25/07/2025 16:39

TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe · 25/07/2025 14:37

To be charitable to your friend, maybe a save the date went out that you didn't receive or perhaps the date was widely discussed among family and she thought you knew.

Make it clear to her that you're disappointed but you didn't know the date of the wedding and had booked something else months in advance.

Yes true she may have thought I knew. No save the date as I know other night guests

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 16:38

SmurfnoffIce · 25/07/2025 16:02

I’m not disagreeing with that. I was replying to a poster who suggested OP’s friend might have the hump because OP had declined the hen do, but not the gig. My point is that if her friend is suggesting OP wouldn’t be up to the gig if she isn’t up to the hen do, surely logic would dictate that she wouldn’t be able to make the wedding either?

Ah, yes. I see your point. My bad - sorry.

autienotnaughty · 25/07/2025 16:36

GreenCandleWax · 25/07/2025 15:39

Why do you and DH have to attend these events together? I get that the tickets are for his birthday and it would be nicer for you to go with him, but its not essential as he could go with someone else. Likewise he doesn't need to go to the wedding with you.

He wants to go with me because I couldn’t attend the last two events we planned.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 25/07/2025 16:35

SmurfnoffIce · 25/07/2025 16:02

I’m not disagreeing with that. I was replying to a poster who suggested OP’s friend might have the hump because OP had declined the hen do, but not the gig. My point is that if her friend is suggesting OP wouldn’t be up to the gig if she isn’t up to the hen do, surely logic would dictate that she wouldn’t be able to make the wedding either?

I see your point. I declined the hen do because of the travel /length of the event and need to sit /lay fairly regularly. The gig is local, only few hours long and I can leave if I’m struggling. Same with the night do really that’s also manageable.

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheArmoire · 25/07/2025 16:04

Steelworks · 25/07/2025 14:40

It’s not double booked, you already gave a prior engagement.

Double boobed us when you actually commit to two things.

Double boobed is what I look like when I try to squeeze into my nice tops from last summer (that seem to have shrunk whilst in storage)

SmurfnoffIce · 25/07/2025 16:02

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 15:09

But that’s not a determination for her friend to make. OP may have a health condition, but only she can determine what she is and isn’t capable of. If the hen do was a three day foreign country event that’s a lot different from a few hours at a gig where she will be supported by her partner.

I’m not disagreeing with that. I was replying to a poster who suggested OP’s friend might have the hump because OP had declined the hen do, but not the gig. My point is that if her friend is suggesting OP wouldn’t be up to the gig if she isn’t up to the hen do, surely logic would dictate that she wouldn’t be able to make the wedding either?

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 15:51

GreenCandleWax · 25/07/2025 15:39

Why do you and DH have to attend these events together? I get that the tickets are for his birthday and it would be nicer for you to go with him, but its not essential as he could go with someone else. Likewise he doesn't need to go to the wedding with you.

Choice maybe ? I’d much prefer to attend a gig with my partner than to go solo to an evening wedding bash alone.

MelliC · 25/07/2025 15:50

I think it may be just sometimes when you IM the tone comes out wrong. I don't think she means it as badly as you think. I would just join in with her feelings:
"I know, I am gutted, If I had known the wedding date when I booked i would never have done it. But I've let DH down so many times before I can't do it again. Have a fab time and make sure you take millions of pictures for me"

And as people say, be generous with the gift and be the one to suggest a post wedding get together?

ZoomingSusan · 25/07/2025 15:49

You haven't double booked, for heaven's sake. You booked a concert and unfortunately it happens to be the same day as the wedding so you can't go to the wedding. These things happen.

GreenCandleWax · 25/07/2025 15:39

Why do you and DH have to attend these events together? I get that the tickets are for his birthday and it would be nicer for you to go with him, but its not essential as he could go with someone else. Likewise he doesn't need to go to the wedding with you.

pizzaHeart · 25/07/2025 15:22

autienotnaughty · 25/07/2025 12:47

Well spotted my wedding to my first husband. She was invited to the evening of my second wedding (7years ago) but she was on holiday.

And did you complain about this? I bet you didn’t.
I wouldn’t send any screenshots. You told her the real reason which is more than enough. Tbh people often decline invites for health reasons, money issues, relationship difficulties but citing prior engagement instead. She should have respected that you can’t make it and leave it there.

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 15:13

Namechangerage · 25/07/2025 14:34

Why can you go to the show but not the first hen do? Maybe she just thinks you’re copping out.

Edited

If OP has a health condition then she’s the one best placed to decide what she can and can’t cope with. She has the support of a partner at a show which lasts what - a few hours at most. A hen do these days is a three day foreign event. Not the same thing. Doesn’t matter what the friend thinks OP should use her own judgement.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 25/07/2025 15:12

nomas · 25/07/2025 15:06

Your language is arrogant. No one needs you to explain a basic premise to them, get over yourself. You are rude and I don't wish to engage with you, so do not address any further posts to me, I won't be replying.

Good. Lol.

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 15:09

SmurfnoffIce · 25/07/2025 14:44

But surely if the friend is thinking “If her health issues mean she can’t go the hen do, surely she can’t go to a gig?”, then by that logic, OP couldn’t go to the wedding either?

But that’s not a determination for her friend to make. OP may have a health condition, but only she can determine what she is and isn’t capable of. If the hen do was a three day foreign country event that’s a lot different from a few hours at a gig where she will be supported by her partner.

nomas · 25/07/2025 15:08

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 15:07

Wow. If you think this poster was rude you’re not going to last long on MN !!

I've been on MN for decades, doesn't mean I tolerate rudeness.

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 15:07

nomas · 25/07/2025 15:06

Your language is arrogant. No one needs you to explain a basic premise to them, get over yourself. You are rude and I don't wish to engage with you, so do not address any further posts to me, I won't be replying.

Wow. If you think this poster was rude you’re not going to last long on MN !!

nomas · 25/07/2025 15:06

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 25/07/2025 15:03

No - the OP has received sound advice from many on this thread. Her friend is being ridiculous as she shouldn't have to prove anything to her. I disagree with you on this and thought you may have misunderstood the OP. You chose to call me patronising. That's rude when it was nothing of the sort. Your language is hyperbolic. If you think that's rude then so be it. But it's only your post I've responded to directly, so I haven't been rude to "other posters".

Your language is arrogant. No one needs you to explain a basic premise to them, get over yourself. You are rude and I don't wish to engage with you, so do not address any further posts to me, I won't be replying.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 25/07/2025 15:03

nomas · 25/07/2025 14:56

You have no advice for the OP, just rudeness to other posters.

No - the OP has received sound advice from many on this thread. Her friend is being ridiculous as she shouldn't have to prove anything to her. I disagree with you on this and thought you may have misunderstood the OP. You chose to call me patronising. That's rude when it was nothing of the sort. Your language is hyperbolic. If you think that's rude then so be it. But it's only your post I've responded to directly, so I haven't been rude to "other posters".

ranchdressing · 25/07/2025 15:00

The fact you were only invited to the evening do means the bride doesn't care that much. Doesn't matter what your friend thinks!

nomas · 25/07/2025 14:56

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 25/07/2025 14:54

More hyperbole.

You have no advice for the OP, just rudeness to other posters.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 25/07/2025 14:54

nomas · 25/07/2025 11:13

No, I haven't misunderstood the OP, how patronising.

More hyperbole.

SmurfnoffIce · 25/07/2025 14:44

Namechangerage · 25/07/2025 14:34

Why can you go to the show but not the first hen do? Maybe she just thinks you’re copping out.

Edited

But surely if the friend is thinking “If her health issues mean she can’t go the hen do, surely she can’t go to a gig?”, then by that logic, OP couldn’t go to the wedding either?

Steelworks · 25/07/2025 14:40

It’s not double booked, you already gave a prior engagement.

Double boobed us when you actually commit to two things.

ForMauveSquid · 25/07/2025 14:37

No, you didn’t double book — you had a long-standing commitment before the wedding date was even set. You’ve been thoughtful, you let the bride know politely, and your reasons are valid. It’s okay not to attend every event, especially when you’ve balanced health, finances, and fairness to your husband. If your friend is upset, it may pass — but you’ve done nothing wrong.

TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe · 25/07/2025 14:37

To be charitable to your friend, maybe a save the date went out that you didn't receive or perhaps the date was widely discussed among family and she thought you knew.

Make it clear to her that you're disappointed but you didn't know the date of the wedding and had booked something else months in advance.

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