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AIBU?

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Original poster

This was not a double booking!!

88 replies

autienotnaughty · 25/07/2025 10:46

I have close friend of 40+ years, our families were very close when we were growing up her mam and dad were like an auntie and uncle to me etc.
when we were about 15 her cousin was born, we loved visiting and she was even flower girl at my wedding 7 years later. In the last 20 years I have remained close to my friend but rarely see her extended family. Every couple years we might do a weekend away and her cousin (now adult) will come.
A couple of years ago at my friends 50th, cousin was talking about her wedding (recently engaged no date set) she said we (the general group not her cousin) would be invited to the evening do. Very kind of her to include us.

This year I received an invite to her hen do which is in august, sadly I can’t attend due to health issues so I declined.
i then received a invite to the evening do and typical I’m at a show that evening, it’s a one off event that we got tickets for about 18 months ago. It was something I got for my husband as a gift.
Now we could miss the event and take the financial loss or try to sell tickets (bought locally so can’t just do it on Ticketmaster) but I’d feel bad for dh as there are two other events I couldn’t attend due to my health issues so, one we resold tickets on tm the other dh took his brother. Plus dh has never met friends cousin so naturally he’s less bother for wedding.
So I messaged cousin and apologised and said we had a prior commitment, she was fine but when I spoke to my friend she was off with me. Mentioned something about how could I have double booked? But I booked this event before bride had mentioned a date or even a year. So I don’t think I did double book? Should I have given up the event?

OP posts:
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Maddy70 · 28/07/2025 14:56

Just decline , say you would have loved to come but you have your husband's birthday booking gift on that day

HappyGreenCat · 28/07/2025 08:37

I couldn't agree more with this. Why should you have to go that far to prove you're telling the truth? If your friend cannot seem to fathom why you are unable to attend, then she is being rather selfish. This in itself is bad enough, but to not believe you I think says something about the state of your friendship.
Perhaps meet up with her to have a sincere chat about things and see if you can reach some kind of understanding. It's not as though it is your friend's wedding! So stand your ground and keep your plans.

Hopingtobeaparent · 28/07/2025 07:33

Whiningatwine · 25/07/2025 11:42

I think if you declined the hen do and the wedding invite and didn't suggest anything else then she is probably wondering if more is going on. She probably thinks you don't see yourselves as close as she does and is upset.

I think when it became clear you were going to decline both events you should have reached out with an offer of dinner or something to celebrate separately, rather than just turning down the invite.

Probably this. I expect your friend is gutted not to see you and maybe reading more into it than there is.

Don’t miss your show.

Beenwhereyouareagain · 28/07/2025 03:20

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 25/07/2025 16:04

Double boobed is what I look like when I try to squeeze into my nice tops from last summer (that seem to have shrunk whilst in storage)

Show quote history

😆😆😆

whitewineandsun · 27/07/2025 20:39

SmurfnoffIce · 27/07/2025 19:55

What, 15 years ago?

Show quote history

... and also not even the marriage she's in now. OP wants to go with her husband to a prior commitment. I think the friend is completely overreacting.

Livpool · 27/07/2025 20:36

She is being ridiculous - no way would I give up something I wanted to see if booked first

whitewineandsun · 27/07/2025 20:32

Catherine3436 · 27/07/2025 19:39

She was flower girl at your wedding, I’d prioritise her wedding.

It was 15 years ago. That's nuts.

RedRock41 · 27/07/2025 20:24

OP sounds like you’ve made up your mind. You want to go to the ticketed event with DH. End of day people find time and a way to do what’s important to them so your friend’s cousin and her wedding isn’t. That’s why she’s being off.
I don’t blame her but equally if you want to put a date night first that your call to make. Just own it though rather than trying to diminish how your friend feels, she’s entitled to feel disappointed.

BrickBiscuit · 27/07/2025 20:18

autienotnaughty · 25/07/2025 10:46

I have close friend of 40+ years, our families were very close when we were growing up her mam and dad were like an auntie and uncle to me etc.
when we were about 15 her cousin was born, we loved visiting and she was even flower girl at my wedding 7 years later. In the last 20 years I have remained close to my friend but rarely see her extended family. Every couple years we might do a weekend away and her cousin (now adult) will come.
A couple of years ago at my friends 50th, cousin was talking about her wedding (recently engaged no date set) she said we (the general group not her cousin) would be invited to the evening do. Very kind of her to include us.

This year I received an invite to her hen do which is in august, sadly I can’t attend due to health issues so I declined.
i then received a invite to the evening do and typical I’m at a show that evening, it’s a one off event that we got tickets for about 18 months ago. It was something I got for my husband as a gift.
Now we could miss the event and take the financial loss or try to sell tickets (bought locally so can’t just do it on Ticketmaster) but I’d feel bad for dh as there are two other events I couldn’t attend due to my health issues so, one we resold tickets on tm the other dh took his brother. Plus dh has never met friends cousin so naturally he’s less bother for wedding.
So I messaged cousin and apologised and said we had a prior commitment, she was fine but when I spoke to my friend she was off with me. Mentioned something about how could I have double booked? But I booked this event before bride had mentioned a date or even a year. So I don’t think I did double book? Should I have given up the event?

My life-long best friend and their family had become our close family friends too. More recent but very good friends of theirs announced a family wedding the same day as ours. They decided to go to the other wedding. They said their other friends would have taken offence, but they knew I would be understanding. They were right.

SmurfnoffIce · 27/07/2025 19:55

Catherine3436 · 27/07/2025 19:39

She was flower girl at your wedding, I’d prioritise her wedding.

What, 15 years ago?

anyzee · 27/07/2025 19:50

Weddings are such happy jolly events for everyone aren't they?

Catherine3436 · 27/07/2025 19:39

She was flower girl at your wedding, I’d prioritise her wedding.

NestEmptying · 27/07/2025 19:31

Either she doesn't understand what double booking is or she's being unreasonable. If she does understand she's not using the words correctly and actually being unfair to you - making it seem like you booked the other event on purpose.

If she says it again -
"Should I have known 18 months ago when I booked the ticket that your cousin's wedding would be that day!"

SmurfnoffIce · 27/07/2025 19:12

MzHz · 27/07/2025 18:57

It’s not even a wedding invitation- it’s the evening do. That’s for Acquaintances and afterthoughts

tell her you bought the tickets 18m ago and it’s important for your H.

You don’t need to diminish the importance of the evening do to make the OP feel better. She had a prior commitment, so turned down the invitation - the end.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/07/2025 19:08

YANBU. A double booking is when you accept two conflicting commitments. This is you declining an invitation because you have a prior commitment.

waterrat · 27/07/2025 18:59

you don't actually know what she said - this is all rumour and hearsay.

You would be unreasonable to give it a second thought - you don't know the actual bride particuarly well, you aren't close and it's not a big deal!

MzHz · 27/07/2025 18:57

It’s not even a wedding invitation- it’s the evening do. That’s for Acquaintances and afterthoughts

tell her you bought the tickets 18m ago and it’s important for your H.

Flamingoknees · 27/07/2025 18:51

You didn't double book. You've done nothing wrong. It's nothing to do with your friend. She needs to but out. Enjoy your event. It was only night time anyway. Move on. If she mentions it again, tell her straight.

Imaybeoldbutstillrandy · 27/07/2025 18:48

I'm an old person so maybe a bit out of date. I have a vast family - we're talking 40+ cousins & now cousin's children & now grandchildren. I usually get a 'keep this date' notification about 1 year or even earlier as a notification that I'm going to be invited to a cousin's evening do. I'm not invited to the actual wedding which I understand given the number of people who would be involved.

Megapint · 27/07/2025 18:35

istheresomethingishouldsay · 25/07/2025 11:07

Do not send her a screenshot.

You've declined politely and for good reason. You don't need to do anything more.

Exactly this. The most sensible answer on the thread.

JillMW · 27/07/2025 18:28

MelliC · 25/07/2025 15:50

I think it may be just sometimes when you IM the tone comes out wrong. I don't think she means it as badly as you think. I would just join in with her feelings:
"I know, I am gutted, If I had known the wedding date when I booked i would never have done it. But I've let DH down so many times before I can't do it again. Have a fab time and make sure you take millions of pictures for me"

And as people say, be generous with the gift and be the one to suggest a post wedding get together?

This seems the most sensible response

Fluffyholeysocks · 27/07/2025 18:18

Its not your friends wedding, it's her cousin. Its not an invite to the actual wedding, its the evening do. Why is your friend getting so upset about someone else's evening do?

Travsmam · 27/07/2025 18:13

After nearly losing my husband to the big C I realised who is more important to make memories with. You should absolutely stick to your plans and have an amazing time x

WanderingWisteria · 25/07/2025 18:05

I think I’d reply to the friend to say you’re sorry if there has been a misunderstanding but you weren’t aware until recently of the date of the wedding and booked this some months ago.

Rosscameasdoody · 25/07/2025 16:39

MelliC · 25/07/2025 15:50

I think it may be just sometimes when you IM the tone comes out wrong. I don't think she means it as badly as you think. I would just join in with her feelings:
"I know, I am gutted, If I had known the wedding date when I booked i would never have done it. But I've let DH down so many times before I can't do it again. Have a fab time and make sure you take millions of pictures for me"

And as people say, be generous with the gift and be the one to suggest a post wedding get together?

But the friend isn’t the one getting married. Why is OP making all this effort for the friends’ cousin when they’re not that close and the cousin didn’t attend OP’s wedding because she was on holiday. The cousin doesn’t have a problem with it, why does OP need to make amends ?

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