To ask for help over my children's behaviour

OP hasn't mentioned if she lives in a country where hitting kids is banned?

How would hitting them help, specifically? Should it be the babysitter or the parents?

They need to fix what they have caused and maybe that will stop some of it. Eg. stolen money: she earns it to pay you back with chores or has spends taken from her, same to replace the Lego, clean her own Sharpie graffiti, tidy her own clothes away including after laundry is done as punishment, tell the shop not to serve her. Also no friends over.
I hear a bunch of excuses from you OP but you’ll pay for it later when your kids are reckless teens with no respect or aspirations for the future due to their upbringing.
Too late now but you’ve got more kids than you can handle, but the lack of discipline means they’ll be even more difficult to handle.
Sort it out and step up.

The older kids should absolutely not be looking after siblings.

If 8 year old enjoys school would she enjoy playing school with the youngest? You could get her some fun “teacher” supplies and get the youngest some workbooks and activity books for her to “teach” them

This is what happens when you ban smacking.

I think you need to do crisis management OP. Firstly get bloods and talk to the GP and make sure there is no medical reason you are exhausted.

I think 4 kids is too many when both parents are working but they’re are here now so no point dwelling.

If 8 year old is co/operative in school it may be that she responds well to the structure.

Can you get someone else to either mind the kids or help their current disabled minder?

4 kids 10 and under is a huge responsibility.

Curtail the 8 year old when it comes to playing on the street and having kids in the house.

As others have said they need something to do during the day. You are going have to come up with something. Send them to a camp each or change your minder and have someone take them to the park, the library etc. timetable each day - write it out so they know what to expect. They need go leave the house at least once.

What’s the point in grounding her if she’s kept inside all day anyway?

I’d be seriously concerned about her being able to wander off on her own. As everyone else has said you need better childcare, it’s not fair on your children, your disabled relative, or you.

Try and find some activities they can do at home, and next year skip the holiday and Lego and pay for adequate childcare.

I'd start by making her scrub the chairs to get the Sharpie off

After eight hours of that she won't do it again

Sounds like you're far too passive op

Trying my hardest not to blame it on shit/lazy parenting, but OP you just need to discipline them. You’ve already set the standard that has allowed them to get away with this behaviour, but it’s not too late to lay down the law. It will be difficult and they may not take you seriously as first, but if you follow through with what you say you’re going to do every single time, you can turn this around if you want to.
You could sit them down and calmly explain things need to change and they will be, that you won’t tolerate XYZ behaviour anymore. Then from then on you come down on them like a tonne of bricks every time they display bad behaviour.
What you’ve described is extreme bad behaviour for an 8 year old IMO and I would not stand for any of it.

Clearly this doesn’t work. You need proper childcare in place and the kids need to actually do something. Of course they are up early and bored if they don’t do anything all day.

The problem is you have too many children and you are not supervising them.

You need to lock your door so your children don’t escape and have the older kids look after the younger kids.

in every single post there is excuse after excuse, holiday clubs are too far away, too expensive, you can’t take them out, you can’t do activities with them.
frankly I am not surprised they are bored and playing up. Can’t you plan a few outings and activities? Take them to playground or park, on their bikes, with a ball?
if nothing is possible why did you have 4 kids in the middle of nowhere?

She hasn't had her tablet since her friend did that to her lego, maybe an unfair punishment because it wasn't her herself but its almost like she doesn't care
She hasn't even asked for it

Is this with all punishments?

I had a child who didn't seem to care about punishments - reward charts made them worse - even a few teachers complained he didn't care. However he's now a pretty great 18 year old. He did have a lot of home supervision - lot of time outside and lot of tiring activties and lot of chances to behave well and get praised. He also got consistacy- even when he played up and we were exhausted. He was quite an labour intensive child TBH - they all were - (ND/SEN is an issue with all of mine but know other kids with no known underlying issues who were also just more work).

Child proofing the house - and having some outdoor fun activties as pp suggested - sand pit maybe - sound like a plan but it does sound like you need to re-think the childcare situation - it's just not working for at least the 8 year old - and yes I undertsand that no easy or cheap but something needs to change.

It's not up to a 10 year old to be entertaining his 3 younger siblings in the summer holidays. 10 year olds do not want to play anything that is suitable for a 3 year old. Punishing the 8 year old will also not improve her behaviour when the person punishing her has left and the 8 year old is left at home bored out of her brain.

The three younger children are not going to be able to play games or do crafts without an adult actively involved, especially the 3 year old. They are also just not going to calmly sit down and do these things if it's not how they're used to behaving at home. With 3 kids all trying to grab the best craft items or taking all the turns it's going to just be chaos and it really doesn't sound like the disabled babysitter is up to organising it all.

The one thing that might entertain them all in this weather is a paddling pool but even that is a danger for the 3 year old if the disabled baby sitter isn't up to watching him like a hawk (and it definitely doesn't sound like they are). I really don't think there are any easy answers here that don't cost a lot of money unfortunately.

You can't punish bored, unhappy kids into being 'happy to have nothing to do all day' kids. And saying your kids arses would glow if they behaved liked that is just vile - if you can only control them by hitting them then you don't have control of them at all.

This a huge problem OP but it's not your kids fault. They need someone around to put in consistent, fair boundaries and to keep them busy. I'm not religious but 'the devil makes work for idle hands' is definitely true here. It would be much easier if you just had one or two children, but the cost of decent care for 4 is going to be high and difficult to find.

I wish there was an easy answer but there really isn't unless you have a lot of money to throw at the situation. Just please don't have any more children.

Sounds like your child needs closer supervision and for you to take more control. So I'd be going back to basics, and even though she's 8, I'd be 'child proofing' the house. So no pens or anything she can cause damage with left around. No instances of other children in your home out of your sight with her expected to police them. No opportunities to be unobserved long enough to steal money and take herself to the shop without you realising. Some children need a lot of direction and guidance, as left to their own devices they are not sensible. Your DD is one of them, so you need to step up the vigilance and keep her entertained in positive ways.

This you need to source better childcare and come up with clear and reasonable boundaries as well

Sit all the children down get each ones version of the events, talk to them one at a time, the 3yo is hard, they are going to mimic the bad behaviour so your just going to have to keep repeating the same message it’s not allowed. The 7yo is old enough to understand just because big sis is doing it dose not make it right, their current punishment is grounding but it will get worse if they repeat. You want them to walk away not join in going forward.

The 8yo obviously has some issues going on, you need to find her Achilles heal in punishment. But most importantly talk to her calmly, why she thinks it’s ok to destroy your house, it might be her room but it’s your home, why would she let a friend throw out new expensive lego, is the child making her do it. Have you spoken to the other child’s parents to get that child’s version? Dose your dd have her own money, is their financial consequences to her actions?

I think I’d be sitting all 3 of the younger ones down and asking what they would like to do while your at work, some easy crafts and games that don’t require your babysitter to help too much or need to clean up afterwards.

id also be making sure the oldest one is also hanging with his younger siblings, being a boy isn’t an excuse not to spend time with them and play games especially in the holidays.

I think you are misunderstanding my thoughts pattern. There are non judgemental places out there and cost effective places and places with grants. Sometimes you have to email to ask is there somewhere i can apply for a grant for my child to go and they are really helpful and it was simply mentioning two. There will be many more and I can only mention the two I know personally. But if you want to research other places so you can be positive too. Feel free

The point is that if the OP’s children are Muslim, for example (or insert any other religion, or atheist…) they may not want their children taking part in Christian teaching/activities.

I meant non judgemental places 😆

Yes of course there is but you don't need to be a Christian to go.

They don't need to be. My local church has a morning holiday club £4 a session. Don't have to be religious to attend and no other holiday club comes close price wise. It's worth checking with churches for summer activities.

So there is no element of religious teaching/activities at them at all?

You dont have to be a Christian to go to a Christian camp at West Runton or be a Christian to attend a church ran youth club.
They are simply non just mental places of recommendation