To ask for help over my children's behaviour

Yes OP hasn’t taken anything from this thread on board unfortunately, even now she thinks disabled relative is fine for childcare and isn’t even considering finding alternatives

OP you live in a city not rurally. Two able bodied adults in the house who presumably can use google and find clubs/camps/a babysitter. Two FT salaries. One who drives.
and your best childcare option for 4 children (at least 1 who is aggressive, bored from 5am, and running away from home) for the summer holidays is a disabled person who can’t even take the kids out to the park.

I really don’t understand how and why you both think this is adequate childcare for the holidays and why you make literally no effort to make any changes (apart from
kinetic sand).
presumably even 2 children would be easier for relative to watch than 4. Even a babysitter might struggle with 4.

You need to send them to holiday club, its not working. A disabled person can't manage that many children!

Surely 3 year old will be going to nursery then?

There will definitely be other holiday childcare options in your city for the older ones. This “arrangement” isn’t fair on your child, you, or your relative.

If you start work mid morning, and partner gets home mid afternoon, I don't understand why you're having so much trouble occupying your DC to be honest. There's only a few hours to fill in between. Definitely need to focus on nailing some routine.

I am very surprised at the lack of any holiday club locally to you, or one your partner could drop the children at before work and collect after.
Have you called the school that does have a childcare provision as although they may base it at one school they do often take children from other schools too.
I am also surprised that no one else near you works. Most people where I live are in households where both parents work, so I am guessing you are in an area where people are very fortunate and live off the salary of one breadwinner or unfortunate and living off benefits. Do you have a chat group for any of your children's year groups where you could ask what other people do?

You mention not being able to afford childcare, have you looked at HAF schemes? Contact your local council to see if you qualify. They will also be able to give you a proper list of childcare which you might not be aware of. Although as you then go on to say you have a good job I am not sure you would meet the requirements.

It does sound like your disabled family member is struggling. You sound like you find it hard yourself, so for them if they are unable to take them out it must be even harder. I agree with previous posts that being indoors all day is asking for trouble. I have two children and can't imagine being home all day with just them, so it must be harder with 4.
We do tend to look at things we can do at home - baking, craft activities, Lego, things like drawing (YouTube videos you can copy), reading challenge from the library, but we very much have to structure the day and have a plan.

Would a nanny be better? You might be able to find someone who can work for the whole summer and they often drive and would be able to take the kids out. A nanny would also be cheaper than other forms of childcare potentially.

Even if you don’t know them personally their will be children with either two parents working full time or a single parent who works full time in your city, you just need to look harder for holiday childcare. There may still be some with places available. If you’re comfortable saying your city we can help you look.

What about before and after school, and the 3 year old plus other half terms and end of term breaks? You need some childcare that isn’t a disabled relative who can’t take the children out.

Most parents work. I don't know how you wouldn't know any. Unless you mean that you don't see them day to day, because they're at work.
What will you do after school? Given you seem to work afternoon/evening and partner gets home tea time. Disabled relative again?

Well that’s good that you can do the school run around your full-time job.

I couldn’t do that as my dc were in different schools with different start and finish times.

I think I agree with PP. These days 4 children is a lot and this whole lifestyle with no local holiday childcare and your only family support being someone too disabled to take them out can't be sustainable. While it's great that they are settled in their school I don't see how you can hold down your job and meet their needs without appropriate childcare.

How do you manage with the school run op?

So you live in a city but there is absolutely no childcare options that your partner could drive them to before and after work? There’s not a chance that there are no other parents working full time and relying on childcare in your area.

What are you going to do after summer holidays?

The Peppa Pig Muddy puddles game is perfect for a 3yo, a big hit in our house even the older kids secretly liked it.

hungry hippos
the fishing game
crocodile snap game
snakes and ladders
bingo (she could be in charge of spinning the wheel and helping call numbers)

You could adjust other games, 5 second rule we would ask our youngest age appropriate questions like name 3 couloirs or give her an extra 5 seconds on her turn. We like trivial pursuit games and would make up questions for the children when younger like who is Peppa Pigs best friend, how many fingers do you have and so on so they could still be part of the game. We always had a colouring book out in case the youngest got bored she’d distract herself with the colouring or give her a job like had the right piece of pie over when someone won.

Why can’t your partner drive them?

You are leaving your children, one as young as 3, with someone with a disability that means they can’t take them out? You need to sort alternative childcare and quickly, this isn’t safe, suitable or sustainable. You’re their parent and you need to take responsibility.

You knew before you had four children that you’d need childcare for when you’re at work. People complain about having to look after their children as though they had no choice in the matter. Why have four children if you can’t manage this? Surely it’s not a decision you take lightly - having children is life-changing.

I know you said that you didn’t want to disrupt your children by moving, but it’s really not sustainable for you to be living somewhere that sounds so isolated, with so few facilities for the children, when you can’t drive. I have every sympathy as I am not a confident driver myself and haven’t driven for a couple of years now, but we live in a city (quite centrally) and I can walk/ cycle/ get the bus wherever we need to go, or a taxi in a pinch.

Living in a city also means that there are more childcare options for summer holiday clubs. If you’re planning on working full-time in the future, you’ll need to have decent holiday childcare arrangements. It sounds as though you only need your relative to provide childcare for the few hours between you leaving for work and your partner coming home, but it seems unsustainable, especially if their disability is likely to get worse as your children get older.