Am I treating my 14.5 yr old unfairly?

What you on about. He goes to bed at 1 or 2 and gets up at 12. That's 9 or 10 hours which is well with the range for his age.

You're completely out of touch with your "opinion" its been proven teenagers sleep cycle is 3 -4 hours out compared to younger children and studies have shown teenages who get up 3 to 4 hours later perform better academically.

Set a maximum number of hours per day for all electronic devices and also a cut of time at night. Eg maximum 4 hours per day across all electronic devices and cut off at 9pm. This will ensure they do other things wg reading, creative things, walks, more time in with friends, kor wine talking to family members etc . Much better for physical and mental health and easier to get back into school routine in September

1-2 am is very late I wouldn't let mine stay up that late to be honest , I take my teens phones away at 10pm & they have them back in the morning, they are 15 f & 16 m .. my oldest son does his chores etc but has a gf & spends 99% of his time with her but he has left secondary school & has September planned.. my daughter spends more time at home does meet freinds but not daily, she's been revising & doing homework as she has a lot , chores etc playing with siblings & coming on family days out, which she enjoys we do have a 9 year old & 4 year old so we do stick to more of a routine ..

He's 14 and it's the holidays, why does he need to be in bed before midnight?

He is still a child living in your house, so internet should be switched off at a certain time? Does he pay for his own data?

Agree. I’m a night owl and when I’m allowed to go to bed late and get up late, then I perform much better. The world is sadly designed for early birds.

I have a PhD in psychology (though have not specifically researched this area academically) and I’d agree with you.

I think it's fine too in the summer holidays and if he is physically socialising with friends and doing chores. And if he sticks to stricter rules during school time.

I am on my third teenager and 14 was the hardest age for the older two. I just want to get her through.

It's summer, they need downtime, they need sleep. In my book gaming is ok as long as it is balanced with actual socialising.

If everything is under control and balanced during term time, leave him alone! It’s the summer holidays, he deserves a break, and it doesn’t sound like his behaviour is completely out of whack anyway.

The issue with my teen is at the time when most children start going out to park with friends (yr5/6) it was covid. It has taken until the last year for him and his friends to be consistent in organising stuff. Because they spent all the covid years only communicating over the Xbox.

Both mine are usually in bed by 11pm. My autistic teen is sometimes later as her body clock is just different (as is mine, I’m much better at staying up late and sleeping in).

Mine is going to do some jobs for me to earn money as he is skint.

Im still chuckling at teens being woken up at 9 and 10am. Tomorrow I will get up when I wake up, which given its weekend and no alarm is usually around 9.30am. I’d happily go back to sleep too, but don’t. And I’m 44!

What you're suggesting seems like a decent compromise. Holidays obviously are way more lax, but still with boundaries.

During term time my kids have strictest limits, but still more than I'd like, but holidays I let it slide esp first few days.

Although my son tells me NONE of his friend have screen limits or bed times...which is total BS!!!

It doesn’t matter if it’s term time or not. Unhealthy screen time leads to unhealthy habits. The risk doesn’t go away just because they’re not in school the next day.

If you’re letting him stay up into the middle of the night with eyes locked on a screen it’s not good for him in many ways.

stick to time allowances, devices downstairs, wifi off etc and make sure he’s getting up at a healthy time each day (yes a lie in is perfectly normal in the holidays but gone 10am he should be up) and make sure he’s leaving the house every day. To go to the park, a walk, to the shop to collect milk and bread etc.

Why do you say that would never happen?

You are the parent, you set the rules.

Does he have any interests outside of the screen? Can he do a hobby with a film in the background maybe? Be lenient, this is a great age for learning self-restraint. We're not even 2 weeks into hols, let him let loose and relax

Why, what happens in year 9? You’re the adult here. Not him. Stop letting a 14 year old bully you. Fgs

This is all pretty normal behaviour for teenagers during the summer holidays. You have to let them learn to regulate themselves IMO.

This.

My eldest is 7 so who knows how I'll feel by then but honestly that sounds extremely reasonable for everyone for a 14 yr old.

He's not a child to an extent, he is a child. I would definitely put in some rules. If he's in the habit of staying up on his phone till 2 am in the holidays he'll still be wanting to be up late when he starts back at school. He's unlikely to be happy just suddenly dialing it all right back. It's hard to back peddle though when they've had no boundaries for any length of time.

You say he's interested in creative stuff but it's screen based. I'd much rather mine was doing this than on SM or doom scrolling. I'm not sure what it is exactly but I'd get him really into doing that, buy him some related courses or resources to do with it. If he likes making computer games get him doing the Unity Junior programmer course (it's free) but not sure if that's what you mean when you say creative. It could end up being a path that he goes down as a career - that's what happened with DS during covid, we got him some courses, he got into programming now doing it as a career.