AIBU for wanting DD to sleep with us

I don't really get the big deal about a 4 year old being on another floor. They aren't in a different country!

Ours were on a different floor to us from 6 months old.

I think it would be detrimental to all of your sleep to be crammed in - the baby will wake her overnight, she might wake the baby in the mornings, you both might wake the kids if you go to bed later etc.

Isn't it?

Not sure why it's such a big deal for your child to be on a different floor. It's quite common even for far younger children.

Similar here, DC on a different floor from a few weeks old, it worked brilliantly.

Your child is supposed to sleep in the same room as you for the first six months. That’s not ‘only on Mumsnet’, it’s NHS guidance. Nothing to do with kidnappers or fires, everything to do with SIDS.

I grew up in a house with 3 floor so don't really see a problem. Although I'd probably get a camera to put your mind at rest. I still have one in my 4 year old room.

I'm the same, I wouldn't want to be on another floor from dd(6)

DH and I both wfh a few days a week, so it’s generally a bit of afternoon delight. It’s been so long since we had sex at night that that didn’t even occur to me. 🤣

However, bedtime sex isn’t on the cards with having them all in one room, either.

Sounds unnecessary to me.

Poor kid doesn’t stand a chance. What on earth do you think can go wrong if they sleep on a different floor? Do you spend the whole day helicoptering them?

I would be concerned if she was sleeping in a room below (ie safety due to being more accessible for intruders, without trying to make that in itself a drama etc), but upstairs - no, wouldn't personally be a problem for us. Maybe use Baby monitors, Baby cams if you are concerned? But your child, your choice.

Do you have a sex life?

Personally I think she will get into a better sleep habit in her own room. They say l a lot of physical & mental growth is done when in deep sleep....not much chance of that with a baby. I can see why it may feel more secure/convenient for yourself though but a move seems a good excuse for a switch rather than doing it when she's in primary full time. imo obvs

If theres 4 rooms could you not ask relatives if you could take 2 of the upstairs rooms? Just if you're living there for years I can understand wanting a baby and a toddler in your room but as they grow it will get cramped. Then in 2 or 3 years DCs could share.

Im also wondering if all 4 of you in a room would prevent intimacy if youre living with extended family so maybe you dont want to miss out on the opportunities for 2 rooms?

I think in the long term that sharing is a crazy idea however for the first few months I'd be inclined to have a parent in with her. I co slept with mine until about 2/3 too and when we moved to a different house and different family situation me and the kids shared for a while until we were ready to not be in the same bed. Ultimately only you will know what dynamic will work best for you and your family.

Could you use one of the spare rooms as a room for if you do want to sleep seperately? So you have two bedrooms but mainly use one, but have the other as backup, especially if it's cramped

I think it's sensible, especially if she wakes in the night, it's less disturbing for others sleeping if you don't have to run up or down stairs to soothe her.

Presumably your 4 year old is starting school this September? So will need good sleep to be able to focus? Will they get that in a room with yourselves and a baby. And same for you/DH going out to work
The best solution is the one which enables all family members to get the most sleep.
And how about your and DH relationship? How will you have time for intimacy with a 4 year old in the same room?

And we may be staying with the family for years.

Good god, why?!!

Why are baby monitors “very very” weird?

my three are on a different floor from me and have been for years (they’re now 3,5&6). We live in a terrace and it’s two bedrooms per floor. It’s literally 17 paces (and that includes 12 stairs) from my bed to the kids’ bedroom doors, which is less than in many houses where everyone is on the same floor.

but there are other family members around
i think it is a step backward to move her in to a room with you

I wouldn't want my 4 year old on a different floor either. I wouldn't want them to be separated by steps in the case of a fire or other emergency.

Will you be living in the bedroom too to have some separation from family you are living with. How long term is this?

Kindly, I don't think it's a great plan for you to permanently 1 adult & child upstairs, 1 downstairs. If this was a holiday for a few weeks then great, but permanently not so much. I can understand you are prioritising your 4yos wellbeing over your DHs preferences (which I agree with!) but I think this is a bit too much.

We spend the evening on the floor below our children and they easily come find us if they need us. Although we are awake, when we have the TV on and the door shut, we don't hear super.easily. I would use a baby monitor if you are concerned, so you can hear if you lr 4yo calls. You can still be tuned in to their needs and in their room very quickly if they need you in the night.

I think if she's upstairs she'll be fine , especially if this is going to be a longer term solution. Does she have problems sleeping that you've not mentioned that make you concerned?

How old is your second DD? When will they be sharing a room together?
Can they not start sharing now otherwise the older DD might feel resentment next year at having to share 'her' room.

I find the cameras thing very very weird.

OP I have no idea why the poll says you are being unreasonable. You are not. If you feel the need to have cctv on your kids, they're too far away.