AIBU for wanting DD to sleep with us

I’m confused. Why will you be staying for years?!

How is moving a 4 year old, who has been sleeping independently for 2 years, back in with mum prioritising her well being? It sounds like a retrogressive step to me! You need to stop thinking of her as a baby/toddler op!

2 way Baby monitor with screen/camera, at 4 year old in own room. Not healthy making a 4 year old sleep with parents, mentally to develop, when baby is 2 baby should share with sister, my 4 year old just got her own room, so glad she's not at the bottom of my bed any more, really wish we'd been able to do it sooner, my 1st dd got her own room at 2 and son since he was born

Put a baby monitor in her room if your that worried. Yes way to squished all on one room especially if its long term

I think 4 is too old to be crammed in to the one room, especially if it could be for years. Give her the upstairs, eventually to be shared with younger sibling. Get a baby monitor camera so you can easily know they're fine.

How does the 4 year old feel about it?

If they need you they can find you, ir are there other issues?

Why wouldn't you have the two children in together in the room upstairs and you and your husband downstairs in the other room? And Have a monitor on so you can always hear them?

It won't be long before you can present the upstairs room as a special room for her to move into. I'm assuming that the room on the lower floor the largest one?

You could ask.. but many people doing family members a favour and having young children move in with them, might think it was just a bit cheeky to be asked to change bedrooms and move all their things because the OP is clingy.

especially as she’ll be starting be school
soon and picking up all sorts of virus’s and stomach bugs!
Christ I remember that first year or two….. I was in and out of her room like a yo-yo some nights, slept on her floor others!

I don’t know
who you’re moving in with… but can you not suggest that rooms are rearranged so that DD of 4 can come and find you in the night if she’s unwell/has a nightmare or whatever rather than needing to navigate stairs in the night or being shut away from you by a stair gate….. dress it up as it would be better for them than her going in and disturbing them in the night because she can’t get to you?? Surely someone will see that it makes sense for the 4 of you to be on the same floor, especially if this is a long term arrangement.
the person moving rooms needs to make the downstairs room their room asap prior to you moving in.

I’m confused too… what’s an attic room?

If you hadn’t brought up your newborn sleeping on another floor (with the added ‘only on MN’ sneering), this discussion wouldn’t be happening.

Pointing out that you were in contravention of NHS guidance isn’t obsessing, it’s stating fact. It also indicates that you’re not someone from whom OP should take advice, which I think is extremely helpful.

My point has been made, so do please feel free to stop engaging. 🙂

The reason I'm not obsessing about NHS guidance is because I don't want to derail a thread where the OP was very specifically asking about a 4 year old, so I won't be engaging further in your attempts to derail it as I can't see how that would help the OP🙂

As already stated, I was responding to your assertion that your child was on a separate floor from a few weeks old, and your dismissal of anyone not wanting to do this as MN ridiculousness about kidnappers and fires.

I’m not talking about the OP, I’m talking about you. It’s not ‘only on MN’, you were in contravention of NHS guidance. Your awareness of said guidance does not change that, it just makes it worse.

If that’s what you want, it’s totally fine. In large parts of the world it’s normal and natural for a family to sleep together. In Britain there is a strong cultural norm of making very small children sleep alone away from their parents from a young age. Which is also fine, but it is not normal, necessary, or the only approach. Stick with your instincts, review if you are all exhausted and it isn’t working.

As I mentioned, I'm aware of the guidance... The NHS also says 'For at least the first 6 months your baby should be in the same room as you when they're asleep, both day and night' - and there's no way that all parents never leave the room their baby is sleeping in 24 hours a day for 6 months?
Either way, this isn't about SIDS, it's about whether a 4 year old can be alone on another floor, and my view remains the same - yes, it's fine.

So you have a 2&4yr. Put them in the room together

and you and dh have a room

4 in one room with a spare sound insane

And please don’t say “what about when she takes an attic room and you’ll be on the floor below”

wasn’t gonna say that.

So when your child goes up to bed, do you go up to bed with them too?

I quoted the precise bit of your comment to which I was responding. A 4 year old isn’t at risk of SIDS, that isn’t the case when a baby is ‘a few weeks old’.

I would certainly hope that they aren’t planning on having sex in the same room as their four year old.

I'm surprised it took so long for someone to question that... I'm aware of the guidance.

But I think it's safe to say a 4 year old is long past the risk of SIDS, so I can't see why a separate floor would be an issue...

Not unreasonable. My daughter had a room on the floor below us when we lived in a 3 story house and I ended up in her bed EVERY FUCKING NIGHT for 6 years as she would cry for me.

Mine was on a different floor from 6 months old. It was completely fine.