Kind but very poor boyfriend . Should I stay or go?

Of course you have posters saying you don’t need a man and while that’s certainly true, if companionship is important to you a relationship is the easiest way to get it.

However I don’t think someone with such hugely different values and, I’m assuming, a very different level of education can really provide the companionship you need.

It seems to me you have such low self esteem and are so lonely you have just got together with the first man you’ve come across, It’s really like you went out in the street and just picked the first man you saw. A trump-supporting labourer near 60 with two kids to different mums and who leaves one of those kids alone all day? I mean really?

Don’t bring him into your kids’ lives. They deserve better. And so do you, but if it takes you a while to understabd that then you could keep seeing him very casually in the meantime, I suppose. There’s no future in this, and that’s not about the money.

Why does it have to be the type of relationship that combines finances etc - just date the guy and live separately, have your own money and live your own lives.

Your assessment on what kind of man he is is based on only about 12 weeks.
You disagree on parenting and politics.
The thought of a future with him makes you sad.

End it now.

I think, subconsciously, you’re looking for a knight in shining armour……someone to look after you, pamper you, and make the garden rosy again……..Sorry girl, that only happens in romance novels and short stories published in magazines.

Your focus now should be your children and keeping a roof over your heads. You appear clued up with household budgeting from your reference to batch cooking etc. This bloke is living hand to mouth, also has two children to provide for and personally I wouldn’t trust him…….my gut tells me he’s looking for somewhere to live, probably rent free, where he can kick back, enjoy the hospitality and bed action and pay nowt in return because “his kids need new shoes, are going on a school trip, my cars broken down, his ex has fleeced him again” . Get my drift….?

Forget the money, I couldn't be with someone I disagreed about parenting. It will slowly eat at your relationship

Your post is riddled with contradictions. He’s the best ever, but imagining anlife with him fills you with sadness. It’s the best relationship you’ve ever had, but you disagree on politics and parenting… both huge issues.
you seem seriously obsessed with having a relationship.
I suggest you stay single for a while and think about why you so desperately need to have a man in your life.

Maybe she’s posting under a different account as the other name isn’t highlighted in purple or green for me.

I thought it wasn't possible to name change mid thread any more.

You should take your own advice.

The OP has written several posts. You obviously haven’t read the thread. She’s posting as @Pearlsablinger.

Surely if the thought of spending the rest of your life with him fill you with sadness then he’s not the one.

OP, i think when you leave a terrible relationship with someone horrible, anyone who’s kind must seem like an incredible find. But many men are kind, despite what you read on MN!

Your gut here is the most important thing to listen to. When you’re in love, the thought of spending your life with that person fills you with immense joy. But you get the opposite feeling. You need to listen to that. You might be fond of your partner; grateful that he’s kind and not abusive; you might find him good company, etc. But clearly this doesn’t sound like Love.

Supporting your partner in old age will mean less resources for your child. Do you want to do that?

You have two kids under 12 and disagree with him on parenting, that alone should have you ending the relationship.

His financial situation woll only get worse. Labouring is generally a young man's game. Does he generally lose jobs quite often? Because honestly, I've found by 40s most labourers aren't really keeping up with the work flow required.
I'd also be surprised if he doesn't already have health issues from his job that leads further into the cycle of no work and long months with short money.

As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, I worry that you may be vulnerable and swapping the usual way of being abused for a relationship that will leave you even more financially unstable. You are obviously trying really hard to keep yourself afloat and he may be what sinks the ship financially speaking.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't continue a casual relationship if it's something you both want, however I think you both need to consider what relationship you're both aiming for. If not casual, then I think you need to split.
I think that if someone wants to be all in, and they're in a relationship that'll never progress because one side doesn't see it in their interests that's quite emotionally damaging

We have probably the best relationship I’ve ever had.

but your benchmark OP is probably in the gutter

To answer your specific question, yes, you should leave him.

You do not have the resources to house and feed another adult should the relationship progress.

If he should suddenly become incapacitated and unable to work, you may feel obliged to care for him.

Aim higher. It’s completely possible to meet someone who’s lovely, kind, you agree on the important things like parenting and politics AND who isn’t penniless.

If you don’t meet that person then stay single.

And that's OK. She has difficult circumstances herself and money is the number 1 thing that couples argue about. It's fine to take it into consideration in a relationship. She isn't looking for a sugar daddy but she also isn't looking to make her already difficult life even harder.

Why would you take on a man with this kind of baggage? You will end up caring and supporting him in a few years, and you already have enough of that.

Absolutely no way would I entertain a relationship with this person! Being penniless, especially when older, would be a massive turn-off!! Why has he no money?

When it’s clearly and definitely’right’, you don’t need to ask mumsnet. It’s ok but it’s not a great perfect relationship and nor do you have to settle like this. Have a break from dating for a bit, I don’t think the fact you’re both on low incomes should be the deal breaker but it sounds like that is a red flag for you.

You’re not excited about the future with him because he’s not rich enough to help support you? Why are you looking for a man to do this? It sounds to me like you should be firmly focused on yourself and your kids right now.

I wouldn't be worried about the money tbh, I'd be worried about the other differences, and the fact that something about the relationship is making you sad.

I don’t think you are wrong for wanting long term partnership and love. But I wonder whether your terrible experiences have reset what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship? What you define as kindness and empathy might be the bare minimum someone without your experiences expects from a partner… and what is on offer from more men than you might expect…

I also wonder whether the parenting and political differences mean you won’t be able to go the difference in the long run anyway? I couldn’t be with someone with different parenting to me because my parenting reflects my values, what I think is best for children and my children in particular. I will always, always, always put their wellbeing first. Politically I couldn’t make it out the stocks if my views and his are polarised. English people looking towards Trump sound pretty far down a far rightwing, online rabbit hole, to me so it would be a nonstarter.

Finally there’s nothing wrong with thinking about financial security. Hand to mouth with dependents at his age, means any life you have together won’t be comfortable. It’s not a blip you can work through together it sounds like it will be your life. That’s not what I want.

You don't agree on parenting or politics but it's his income that is the issue to you?

Take your own advice and read the title ' Kind but very poor boyfriend...'

The lack of money is clearly the main issue for the OP.