To mention lack of thank you card

YANBU to be miffed OP - even my little girl sends thank you card after birthdays and Christmas so wedding gifts absolutely warrant a TY card imo. But I wouldn’t bring it up now.

Thank You cards were outdated when I was a kid! I've never been given one in my life, and I've never sent one either.

@SeasaltPuppy
Yes but in person in this day and age is fine. I don’t think I’ve ever received a thank you card from an adult! I’m wondering if it’s mostly an English thing? The only time I remember receiving a card was from ExHs cousins who were English teenagers. I was genuinely surprised to receive one as I never had before. I’m baffled so many on here send them! I bet you all still send Christmas cards too! 😂

Of course people should give thanks for being gifted money and time for their wedding, even in 2025!

My DD has the answer! No gift given. The gift is her presence! Solved for everyone. It’s what her age group do. They are friends, not relatives, but if people spend a lot of money going to a wedding, they are not expected to cough up for a gift too. They are thanked for going though because they are more fun than most relatives!

Whilst I would say thank you in person at the time or by text, there is not a single scenario in which I would ever send my brother a thank you card! Did she definitely not send a thank you text to your husband, or thank him on the day?

I think it very rude not to say thank you, send a message or send a card. I wouldn't actually say anything at this point

I might be missing something but your DH is the bride’s brother? I wouldnt expect a thank you card from a sibling, seems a bit formal to me. I’d just say, did you get the cash I left for you in the card?

Every wedding I’ve been to I’ve got a thank you card. We’re in our 30s so been to lots recently so I don’t think its odd that your expected one. That said I don’t think it’s worth mentioning and I’d just move on.

In my world it’s rude not to acknowledge the gift, but it doesn’t have to be a card: text, email, phone call, in person thank you are all acceptable.
would I say anything because I hadn’t been thanked - no

Ahhh…just saw they never thanked your DH on the day for his help. Ok, that’s a bit off - someone does you a favour or helps you out then you should at least say thank you in person. But still, just dropped it in a couple of Whatsapp groups to ask if people send thank you cards in any form for gifts and it’s been a resounding no from a few dozen different peeps in their 30s, 40s and 50s.

Sorry, do adults actually send thank you cards?! 😂 Erm…did she say thank you on the day, because that’s how adults do it where I’m from. Thank you cards are for kids, to teach the basics of gratitude and to puncture entitlement. Adults just say ‘thanks so much for all your help, let me know if I can ever do the same for you’. Because they feel the gratitude and don’t just assume they’ll get the help - the teaching phase is over.

Must be a culture clash because honest to god, if any member of our families over the age of 15 sent us a thank you card, we’d probably ask them if they were feeling ok 🤣

Yes they should have thanked you somehow but they didn’t. You can either make it the defining thing in your relationship or you can let it go.

Fretting about whether the money was stolen is just a cover for your (perfectly reasonable) irritation at the lack of thanks.

Did they thank you in any way eg by message? If they did then fine, if not than yes that’s beyond rude not to acknowledge a gift.

With cards specifically, I think it's wise to acknowledge that there are quite varied views on them now. Some people think of them as polite and nice gestures, but not everyone attributes any value to them and there are people who actively dont want them so there's no reciprocal obligation. Most of our social circles probably contain some of both. If you are doing them, its best to do them for yourself because you enjoy it.

This is as distinct from thank you texts, what's apps etc.

A text, email or a SM message of appreciation takes less than a minute. He or she could’ve copied and pasted the same message to everyone who gave money, with the odd tweak. It could be done whilst watching tv or waiting for a train.

Hmmm, us too but living abroad. We don't send thank you cards. Or Christmas or birthday cards or letters of any kind. The postal service here is simply too unreliable. The chances of anything we sent actually being received are slim, furthermore there are no postboxes - the only way to send anything is by actually going to the post office, which is open very limited hours and always with huge queues. Very expensive too. Anything that does get through takes weeks. We no longer renew our passports by sending back the old one. We declare them lost in order to avoid sending them back - which in the past has meant having to declare them lost anyway when they don't turn up even by registered post. This just saves time and trouble. The idea of sending - or indeed receiving - anything by post is a complete ballache.

How on earth do you know what anyone does in their 'spare' time? How snidy and judgemental.

I loved reading your comment, and it made me feel a bit more confident to just continue as I am. Thank you. Polite munsnetters unite!

Which is not the subject of the AIBU.

OP already knows she thinks it was remiss of them not to send a thanks. She's asking whether she ought to chase one up a year on, which clearly she should not or she'll look a total tit. You could think thank you cards are the most important thing ever and still pick the BU option.

That’s lovely, and I do the same as you. My children make and write their own thank you cards for birthday/Xmas presents.

It says a lot more about the lack of manners of those who receive your lovely gestures than you. I bet they are secretly embarrassed they put so little time, thought of care into such things themselves.

Those who still bother to do these polite things just show up how little effort many make nowadays for things that really don’t take that much time a few times a year.

I will continue these things regardless 😊

I went to 3 weddings last year. No thank you cards received, nor were they expected. I didn't even know that was still a thing.

I wasn't raised on Thank You cards and have never sent them except on a rare occasion someone does something above and beyond for me (like letting me use their holiday home for free). I certainly didn't send them to wedding guests.

but realising now that perhaps I'm just horrendously old fashioned!
I hope it's not old fashioned. But it's certainly not horrendous!

You are definitely not old-fashioned, @Beeayenayenayen - I cannot believe that there really are people who consider thanking for gifts to be optional…

Seriously, give your head a wobble!