To mention lack of thank you card

@Hotandbotheredflower Many wedding gifts are off lists or wrapped up and put on a table. Who gives it to the happy couple in the reception line? It’s being polite to follow up with a Thank You. But manners have disappeared. I’d avoid giving a gift these days. My DDs don’t expect them either. Best way out for everyone.

I agree. I’d love to reduce adult presents. We thought one year we had agreed not to swap with siblings & spouses, but then they both bought us something, we didn’t and I was mortified! So went back to buying. We do buy for nieces/nephews/godchildren, but I’ve stopped presents for adult friends now I’m buying for their children. It all gets really silly doesn’t it 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

For me there’s a difference; people came to my wedding and I said thank you for coming to their face. Someone gives me a present I say thank you to them when they give me the present. I’m not sure why people need a card afterwards reiterating the thank you?

Would people necessarily be giving adult SILs presents anyway? I get on pretty well with my brothers and sisters in law but we don't do birthday and Christmas presents for adults, it's just more stuff and faff that nobody really wants.

There's the question of presents if they go on to have DC, but then that's a gift for a different person altogether.

I remember threads about dc not giving thanks for Christmas presents and birthday presents. Nearly every reply is don’t give any more presents. Same applies here. It’s staggering how many posters are not thanking people, even for a one off wedding gift and few are following up advice given to dc. Dc who don’t thank adults on mn are called brats, rude, disrespectful, poorly brought up etc etc. These dc seem to be the adults on here.

Maybe if a child has never said thank you then follow up with no wedding present when they are older? You know they won’t thank you!

Honestly, I'd prefer nobody bothered sending me thank you cards after weddings. I attribute no value to them, will always have seen photos by then anyway and would hope the couple (or the bride probably, lets be honest) have better things to do. I'm always glad when I get a what's app instead, suits me much better.

It surely is something to be sulking about one year later.

YABU

It is my pleasure to attend someone’s wedding or other event or give presents etc to someone I care about. I wouldn’t give a thank you card a second thought and I really can’t believe people would be that pissed off about it a year later.

I got married 6 years ago and did send cards, but then didn’t send thank you cards for gifts after the birth of my kids, or after my son’s birthday party, and I haven’t sent xmas cards the past 2 years.

I have friends from abroad whose culture is not to send any cards inc birthday, and friends who also never do cards. Never offended me.

Please also do consider the outrageous cost of stamps now, which is partly why I have been glad not to send xmas cards.

I do think it very rude not to thank people for a gift but I’m not sure I’d say anything just not to rock the boat . If it becomes a gift giving relationship and never a thankyou I’d stop . If anything is said about why the gifts stop I’d just say , oh we weren’t sure if they reached you as we never had an acknowledgment or oh we werent sure if it was appropriate and didn’t want to make it awkward as you never mentioned them , just something to turn the lack of thankyou / acknowledgment/ feedback on them .

I can’t stand thank cards, they go straight in the bin. What a waste of time and money. It’s a very out dated process, we even got one for attending a kids birthday party once and I was baffled.

Well then if it’s DH’s sister, let him deal with it, it’s his family.

Or do you think it’s a woman’s job to do it? Did you buy the card etc for the wedding?

Thank you cards are still a thing in my world! Yes, it was rude to not even send an online thank you to their guests but I wouldn’t bring it up now. I would definitely have asked before now, if they received your card and money ok. Presumably you or your husband has spoken or messaged them in the last year?

You’ve been annoyed about not getting a card for a year now.

Very few folk do thank you cards these days - did they say thank you at the time?

I was brought up to always thank people if they give me a present. To not do this is incredibly rude. In this day and age, it's easy to text or WhatsApp, no need to actually hand write something 🙄

I'd be pissed off too, OP. But no point in saying anything to them, apart from maybe checking they received the card and money. But yes, they are rude.

People definitely still write thank you notes for wedding gifts usually. However you need to drop this now as it's never going to happen.

I'm late 40s, and my mum fused to force me to write thank you notes to family members after Christmas and birthdays. My DD is late teens, and I've always encouraged her to write a text or email to say thanks for presents after being gifted them. Family members don't expect a card these days

I think after a year OP really needs to let this go. Some people lack manners. It's a fact of life.

(I still write cards and send hand-written letters. The hand-written letters tend to be to customer service departments I have beef with, because I know it costs them more money and time to respond. Of course I don't provide a phone number or email address. Yes, I am that petty)

The last time I had dealings with an actual thank you card was when my mother forced me to write them to my gran after Christmas, back in the 80s.

I’ve never received thank you cards for gifts I give at weddings. I’ll get a thank you text from my DB when I send presents to his kids, but that’s about it.

I don’t think I move in exceptionally ill-mannered circles. it seems odd to me that you’re all stewing on this a year on.

Have not received thank you cards for the last 5 or 6 weddings we have been to - the first one, the card (with money enclosed) was given to the best man (as per groom’s request) & I have always wondered if they ever got it.

In this day and age, an emailed Thank-You letter, or even a WhatsApp message, is perfectly acceptable for many occasions - birthday or anniversary presents, dinner or other party invitations etc.

However, wedding presents most definitely call for a proper Thank-You card. Preferably with a photo of the happy couple. Anything else is just very poor form.

This is 100% down to your DB. He is the reason you spent the money and bought these gifts. Your SIL was barely known to you. He is the person responsible for thanking you.

My daughter got married 6 months ago and sent beautiful thank you cards and photos to us and all her guests. She tells me that all her husband's family cards and photos (chosen and paid for by her) are still piled up in their home office waiting for him to sign and post them. She is upset that she's ordered all the photos and sorted out the cards and now people will think she is ungrateful but I think she is drawing an important line in the sand around wife work.

Thank you letters are still very much sent! DD’s friends were not impressed with another of their group who failed to send out thank you letters following her overseas wedding. It was considered incredibly poor form.

That’s not a thing anymore for most people. The only thing I’ve seen for decades is a mass email sent to all basically saying ‘thanks all for attending our wedding to celebrate with us, your kind wishes and gifts, from Bride/Groom’.

Do you also find receiving gifts quaint/formal?

We all seem to have different ideas about what constitutes "manners". Personally I think it is rude to insist on a 'thank you' as well. TBH I would probably not remember not being thanked for wedding gifts, although yes it's nice to receive a thank you. If I was concerned about money not reaching the recipients as OP seems to be hinting then I would ask them if they got it.