To mention lack of thank you card

I used to insist my DD wrote them for birthdays and Christmas for elderly relatives who would appreciate them. A couple of years she moaned about it but I said ‘that’s fine, I’ll write to say you got the present but you couldn’t be bothered to write 3 lines in a card so they don’t need to be bothered to send a present next time’.
However for most people I would expect a text or verbal thanks to suffice (especially with the cost of stamps!)

And what is wrong with being quaint or formal if one is also being courteous? Or is courtesy outdated?

Didn't happen for me. A card left. $150 inside. No acknowledgement whatsoever. A text, email or whatsapp would be fine by me.

I feel the same. Moreover it's interesting the number of posters who are adamant that thank you cards are essential for courtesy, but completely fail to consider whether the people they send them to actually welcome them.

If you've actually weighed the issue up and decided that you value your preferences more than other people's, that's fair enough if you're honest about it. Nothing wrong with doing something for yourself. But if your argument is that it's about concern for others, that includes the ones who don't agree with you.

Erm, I think Thank You cards are called WhatsApps now. Have you seen the price of stamps?!

So she didn't even thank you when she took the card from you?

I gave my sister money in a card after her wedding. (I didnt put it in the little letterbox on the day as i was her bridesmaid and didnt get a chance)
She took the card and put it in her handbag.
I can only assume she opened it when she got home. I received no card/thankyou text.
So I sent her a text a few days later to double check she had received what was inside because I'm pushy like that.
She said ' oh yes, thanks' . I was slightly annoyed that I had to ask.
Just a text of ' thankyou ' is enough and shouldn't be too taxing for most people.

OP has stated that she hasn't been thanked in any way

OP hasn’t stated she wasn’t thanked in person which most people do at a wedding. A receiving line and working your way round the guests normally involves a thank you for coming.

They are specifically complained about not getting a thank you card.

So while I agree you should say thank you, I don’t think being upset about a thank you card is ok when they were probably thanked in person (yey to be determined)

So you want someone to feel obliged to add a task to their list of jobs, in return for your gift. To me that’s not a nice way to think.

I personally give a gift simply to give another person pleasure. I actually really don’t want a thank you card- I want you to relax and enjoy the gift, not go out and buy cards, sit scribbling away and then have to go and find stamps, a postbox etc.

I think it takes away the joy of giving a gift, if you immediately make someone feel beholden to doing something for you in return.

I agree with you op. It’s just the right thing to thank people whether it’s in person, by text, by email or yes, by card.

This pathetic excuse of it being ‘old fashioned’ doesn’t fly with me. It’s just lazy selfish people who want the goodies but who simply cba putting any iota of effort into a simple courtesy.

People have dipped their hand in their pocket and celebrated your wedding - how hard is it to show a smidge of consideration in return ffs! It isn’t.

YANBU.

Absolutely. Especially given that nowadays guests usually face even bigger demands cost-wise. Increasingly lavish and long hen/stag dos, weddings going on days at very pricey venues, expensive destination weddings. Demands that guests pay and stay, organise and pay for expensive childcare, etc. etc. Then in return not even take the time to send a proper thank you for all that time, effort and expense? No, not the done thing. People years ago who threw tar cheaper weddings certainly had far better manners despite having a wedding that many of today’s happy couples would look down their noses on!

Well lots of people actually don’t send physical cards anymore.

Also wedding invitations serve a purpose - to make sure people come to your wedding.

Finally, they are pretty generic- you simply write someone’s name at the top. Would you really want an equivalent generic thank you card with just your name written at the top - surely that’s totally meaningless?

Oh my goodness I never send thank you cards! Really?! Why would you actively want to give her/them more work to do?

Id genuinely rather not receive a gift if it meant I was obliged to write a thankyou card. I absolutely hate life admin

I totally agree. Even a pre printed card is better than nothing. Neither would I be offended by an email or text to be honest. I do feel it’s rude not to thank people.

If it went in a box at the wedding, you can't be sure they actually received it. I'd ask her whether she did. If she questions your reasons for asking all you need to say is that you hadn't heard from them and were concerned the money had been stolen from them. A thank you message to guests would have been the minimum you could expect.

Really, the idea that there's one single etiquette about these things is what's outdated. And there's no way to please everyone either. If you send out thank you cards in 2025, some people will think its ridiculous, and if you don't some people will think you're ungrateful.

Is it old fashioned, outdated to send wedding invitations? So much time, effort, money poured into planning and holding a wedding.Surely a simple "thank you" card for a gift given with thought and love isn't asking too much?

This kind of Thank-You is perfectly acceptable for most occasions - but not weddings, where people will have made a real effort in terms of dressing up and attending and spending a not insignificant amount on a gift (often from a registry list…). To not send a personal thank-you card is simply unacceptable.

I always write thank you cards but I think I’m in the minority these days. I rarely receive them. I wouldn’t say anything but I would consider them to be lazy arses.

i get my kids to take a picture holding the toy and send a quick text. Hell no am I wasting my time going to buy and post a card. It’s such an outdated concept.

lol get over yourself. Never sent a thank you card and never expect one either. I really think after a wedding, no one has the time to send this unless you have 10 people at your wedding.

I hate thank you cards, never send them and they go straight in the bin when I receive them. Hate it even more when I get one with someone’s photo on it. I thank people in person when I receive a gift.

That's going to open a can of worms!

People who send them often seem to like the idea of them being on display. I'm the same as you, I don't actually want them so they either get binned or go in some pile until I bin them.