Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not go away for 2 weeks after just having a baby?

184 replies

Watters01 · 24/07/2025 20:37

My DH is a practicing catholic and, around 18 months ago, was asked if he wanted to go on a pilgrimage to Lourdes. I didn’t want to be the bad guy for saying no so I thought what the hey, it’s only 2 weeks, I can handle 3 kids on my own. Fast forward a few months and we found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our 4th child. I casually mentioned about probably not going on the trip now, as we would have a newborn and it’s a lot to put on me, but he kind of brushed it to one side and said about maybe not doing it. This carried on going like this up until I gave birth with me getting more irate and cross.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he eventually refused to cancel the trip so in about 2 weeks time I am going to be left on my own for 2 weeks with a newborn, 3yr old, 7yr old and 10yr old. All our family work full time so are unable to help me and to top it off it’s the summer holidays so there’s just no break!
AIBU for being really upset about the whole thing? I appreciate it’s a religious pilgrimage but I feel really resentful and quite. disrespected about the whole thing.

OP posts:
SwingTheMonkey · 25/07/2025 10:32

Viviennemary · 25/07/2025 09:42

The trip has been planned for 18 months, I think he should go. But not for as long as 2 weeks. 4 or 5 days would be plenty.

Why should he? Is Lourdes going somewhere? Op has no support and will be at home with a newborn and 3 other children. Why is this trip more important than being a decent husband and father (or just a decent human being, for that matter)?

AffableApple · 25/07/2025 10:14

What if OP had had a big girls' holiday to Ibiza planned? Which meant a lot to her. Then she got unexpectedly pregnant. Surely she'd still get to go, he could handle four kids right?

No, his first duty isn't to God, it's to his wife and family. His jolly to Lourdes can wait. It'll still be there next year. #itsamiracle

Viviennemary · 25/07/2025 09:42

The trip has been planned for 18 months, I think he should go. But not for as long as 2 weeks. 4 or 5 days would be plenty.

MimiGC · 25/07/2025 09:38

Anyone who takes 2 weeks to go to Lourdes (which is not that far away) is going on a holiday, not a pilgrimage. Is he walking there?

99bottlesofkombucha · 25/07/2025 09:36

NeedZzzzzssss · 25/07/2025 06:26

The other three seem like the hard bit and OP was fine with that and DH going away, so to me the newborn is the easy part in that whole scenario @99bottlesofkombucha I feel a 7yo and 10 yo are also quite self sufficient and should be able to keep 3yo entertained. Would be harder if there was only a 3yo

Coincidentally, I have a 10, 7 and 3 year old and they are not easy nor are they often useful with their 3yo sibling (sometimes because of them, sometimes because she refuses to be helped by them) in my personal experience asking for quiet to get a baby to sleep has a 100% failure rate.

DorothyStorm · 25/07/2025 09:32

I have had a look at diocesan pilgrimages to Lourdes in England and Wales for this summer and all are for 7 days. I cannot find any diocese going for two weeks. That doesn't mean there isnt one. But it would (a) be very unusual and (b) I cannot find evidence if it.

@Watters01 Have you actually seen physical confirmation of it?

Barnbrack · 25/07/2025 09:29

Pretty horrific behaviour, is he always like this? Why are you having children with a selfish goon? Catholic my hole!

pizzaHeart · 25/07/2025 09:28

Standardpain · 24/07/2025 20:47

Yes i was thinking the same as pp: it doesnt sound very Christian behaviour.
I would have thought supporting his wife and doing his bit to look after his children, including his newborn, would be doing his Chritian duty.
I wonder what the fellow pilgrims think of him leaving his family at this time when he is needed at home.

This^

Floatingdownriver · 25/07/2025 09:26

Think of all the helpers who came to Mary in thr barn. She was NOT left alone. Your DH should also want to be there. LTB.

deeahgwitch · 25/07/2025 09:24

rainydaysaway · 24/07/2025 20:39

YANBU that’s terrible behaviour and not very Christian of him

This 💯
You say he’s a practising Catholic
Ask him what would Our Lady think !
Or Jesus.
Abandoning his family when they need him.
I’ve not heard of 2 week pilgrimages to Lourdes.

NewDogOwner · 25/07/2025 09:24

No one goes to Lourdes for 2 weeks. This is a jolly holiday with a visit to Lourdes in it. Ask him to pray about what support Jesus would have wanted for his mother Mary when he was born.

RantzNotBantz · 25/07/2025 09:24

Londonrach1 · 25/07/2025 06:27

Why wasn't this discussed before. 2 weeks before the event surely he not got his money back. It should have been cancelled the amount you found out you were pregnant. Yanbu but it's very late now to sort out.

Another one who didn’t read the OP properly.

RantzNotBantz · 25/07/2025 09:22

YawnSoTired · 24/07/2025 23:11

I think your both unreasonable this should have been sorted out well before now there's no excuse for it. He's a twat if he goes now.

She asked him to cancel as soon as she got pregnant. And continued asking throughout her pregnancy.

As outlined in the OP.

PigletSanders · 25/07/2025 09:21

2025ismybestyear · 25/07/2025 09:10

Everyone has said it about him but my thoughts are, how disappointing he's happy to miss the first two weeks of his child's life.

Yes. And this. Just astonishing.

PigletSanders · 25/07/2025 09:20

He’s so religious and ‘good’ that he thinks nothing of ditching his newly-delivered wife with a newborn and three children, for his own selfish bullshit ‘pilgrimage’?

What an unbelievable prick he is. I hate organised religion.

2025ismybestyear · 25/07/2025 09:10

Everyone has said it about him but my thoughts are, how disappointing he's happy to miss the first two weeks of his child's life.

MoriftedinaFrenchEscapeRoom · 25/07/2025 09:08

Anonycat · 25/07/2025 07:50

Agreed. (Anyway, it's a dreadful place, full of commercialised tat.)

Definitely agree. Lourdes is one of the most upsetting places I have ever visited.

Students dressed as "doctors and nurses" leading people into an underground chamber with a merry-go-round of pick 'n mix "services" and blessings.

I was expecting to find it a very soothing and spiritual place but it was just horrific. Two hours is enough - never mind 2 weeks.

namechangeGOT · 25/07/2025 08:51

NaiceBalonz · 25/07/2025 02:45

It's two weeks, and you already have three children, some of which will be in school. You'll be fine, how do you think single parents cope 🙄

You’re not very bright you are you?

Anonycat · 25/07/2025 07:50

HamSandwichKiller · 24/07/2025 20:54

Who the heck goes to Lourdes for 2 bloody weeks? Even the catholic school trip my husband went on was over and done with in 4 days.

Agreed. (Anyway, it's a dreadful place, full of commercialised tat.)

springintoaction321 · 25/07/2025 07:06

@NeedZzzzzssss ahh that's ok then - because your baby slept for the first 2 weeks that means every other baby in the world will be the same.....

Erm - no. Strangely enough, all babies are different, a bit like the posters on this thread. Some sensible, and some idiotic comments.

springintoaction321 · 25/07/2025 07:01

Praying4Peace · 24/07/2025 20:43

But if the pilgrimage means a lot to husband and it was preplanned, I think he should go.
Yes, very hard work for op but it is only 2 weeks

Yeah right - very Christian of him and not selfish at all 🙄🙄🙄

Bananarama2000 · 25/07/2025 06:31

He’s being an unreasonable arse as it’s out of choice.

However you’ll be fine and the kids will probably bond even better with having to help more. My DH went away for work when no4 was 10days old and actually the others were better than they’ve ever been with each other. (They’d have been 7, 4 & 2)

Londonrach1 · 25/07/2025 06:27

Why wasn't this discussed before. 2 weeks before the event surely he not got his money back. It should have been cancelled the amount you found out you were pregnant. Yanbu but it's very late now to sort out.

Auroraloves · 25/07/2025 06:27

NeedZzzzzssss · 25/07/2025 04:39

A 2 week old just sleeps, in saying that mum will be exhausted so if he's going to go it woukd be good if some family or friends can come and help out

She said on the very first post that she didn’t have anyone to help out, and no not all newborns sleep all day.

NeedZzzzzssss · 25/07/2025 06:26

NeedZzzzzssss · 25/07/2025 06:06

Mine did? 🤷🏻‍♀️

The other three seem like the hard bit and OP was fine with that and DH going away, so to me the newborn is the easy part in that whole scenario @99bottlesofkombucha I feel a 7yo and 10 yo are also quite self sufficient and should be able to keep 3yo entertained. Would be harder if there was only a 3yo

Swipe left for the next trending thread