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Original poster

Unisex toilets in new office - dread going into work

416 replies

SocialMol · 24/07/2025 20:32

The company I work for moved to a new office a few weeks ago. It is brand new and shared 50/50 with another company. We have our own side of the floor, key card protected so completely separate.

However, the toilets are in the middle of the block so are shared with the other company. These are unisex - several cubicles with shared area for sinks/dryers etc.

The other company is a sales one (they run a call centre there) and the demographic of their workforce is mainly young men in their 20’s.

There have been several instances of inappropriate comments made to staff in the toilets. Crass stuff like ‘give that cubicle 5 minutes’ to cruder comments directed at or about women - the men will often be talking about their own colleagues in a derogatory way in front of us.

The final straw for me was this afternoon when I walked out of a cubicle and a spotty young lad said he will ‘join me next time’ 😷

Our company are aware of our concerns but said there’s nothing they can do, as the toilets are designed to be ‘inclusive’ and similar to the other modern office blocks they viewed.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this to be honest, just wanted to know if anyone else finds this sort of set up completely ridiculous?

OP posts:
MNdrama · 02/08/2025 15:39

AnSolas · 27/07/2025 07:06

🤳

373 posts
And you MRAing when a woman is being sexually harrassed in her work place.

👁👁

Show quote history

When did I ever mention men's rights? When did I suggest she wasn't being sexually harassed by the cis men in the other office?

MNdrama · 02/08/2025 15:35

ParmaVioletTea · 27/07/2025 06:30

I think it says more about you @MNdrama that you see a charity which fights for women’s rights and call it “anti-trans”. Such misogyny.

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How is a 'charity' that only fights for biological women's rights not anti trans?

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 28/07/2025 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BellissimoGecko · 27/07/2025 19:23

GCAcademic · 27/07/2025 18:51

It’s hilarious, isn’t it? We’re constantly told by TRAs that there’s no conflict between trans rights and women’s rights. But when women try to assert the rights that they have currently in law, apparently that’s “anti-trans”.

It only makes sense once you realise that cognitive dissonance is a feature, not a bug, of gender ideology.

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Oh, I know. That’s what all the TRAs said about the SC judgement - it was anti-trans. Instead of realising that it was pro women. Clearly that’s what they don’t like!!

Lovelyview · 27/07/2025 19:07

SouthernNights59 · 24/07/2025 21:59

I agree. Honestly, the things I read about on MN which people can't cope with these days and which causes MH issues astounds me.

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The company is breaking the law. What other laws do you think we should put up with companies breaking? Maybe the ones about food labelling to stop people having fatal allergic reactions, or the ones about safety gear when working at height? Why should women have to put up with sharing toilet facilities with shitty men when it's illegal to make them do so?

Bollindger · 27/07/2025 19:05

Could you start taking photos of the state of the toilets and get your boss to send them to both the landlord and the other company.
Also ask if you can go in pairs to the toilet, for your safety.
Send the other company a report and description of the males making comments , so they can track them. Also ask for a contact person .

Futurehappiness · 27/07/2025 18:58

LillyPJ · 26/07/2025 07:51

I haven't said the toilets are not a problem - they obviously are for the OP and many others here. I am saying that the toilets are not the main problem. It's the men's behaviour that's the problem. Yes, that's more difficult to alter. It's a much bigger problem and changing it is a long term goal. But that doesn't mean we should ignore it.

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It is a well known fact that a minority of men cannot behave themselves around women and have no intention of, or wish to do so. I am in my 60s now and this bad behaviour has always been an issue throughout my life, I am pessimistic about the chances of this ever changing and would rather the next generation of women did not have to suffer the same negative experiences. I would rather not put my trust in this behaviour being turned around, and would observe that changing it as a 'long term goal' is not much good in the here and now. The way to safeguard women is to give them dedicated spaces and respect these.

GCAcademic · 27/07/2025 18:51

BellissimoGecko · 27/07/2025 09:20

Why do you think women’s rights are ‘anti trans’?

Show quote history

It’s hilarious, isn’t it? We’re constantly told by TRAs that there’s no conflict between trans rights and women’s rights. But when women try to assert the rights that they have currently in law, apparently that’s “anti-trans”.

It only makes sense once you realise that cognitive dissonance is a feature, not a bug, of gender ideology.

StarCourt · 27/07/2025 18:45

AlphaFemaleNotBeta · 25/07/2025 06:55

Yes! This

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would you be rinsing your moon cup in the kitchen?

Futurehappiness · 27/07/2025 18:25

SocialMol · 25/07/2025 12:58

That has been put to them but the response was the toilets are not in our rented space and are the responsibility of the landlord. Plus those responsible for the behaviour are outside of the companies remit.

The company isn’t huge, HR matters are dealt with by one or two people. So it’s possible they are wrong.

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They are definitely wrong. i would guess that these one or two people don't have any professional HR training and that is the reason they don't know what they are talking about?

thepastinsidethepresent · 27/07/2025 12:18

YANBU. Some men (and some women tbf, but mostly men) are absolutely disgusting in their toilet use.

BellissimoGecko · 27/07/2025 12:13

Catiette · 27/07/2025 10:36

And MNDrama's post helpfully shows why we need single-sex spaces.

Quite.

Women have human rights too. I’m so glad that Sex Matters and For Women Scotland are standing up for us. And I don’t care if this upsets some men. It’s time for sanity to return.

trans women are men.

Catiette · 27/07/2025 10:36

And MNDrama's post helpfully shows why we need single-sex spaces.

GreyCarpet · 27/07/2025 10:02

BellissimoGecko · 27/07/2025 09:20

Why do you think women’s rights are ‘anti trans’?

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It's so tiresome, isn't it?

Men aren't bothered by women's rights (eg maternity protections or equal rights in the workplace) when it doesn't directly impact on them and what they want.

But as soon as women's rights mean we can legally say no to men, they have a problem with it.

Some men and too many women just feel really uncomfortable when women say no to men.

BellissimoGecko · 27/07/2025 09:20

MNdrama · 27/07/2025 05:09

Sharing content from an anti trans website? Real classy 👍👍

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Why do you think women’s rights are ‘anti trans’?

AnSolas · 27/07/2025 07:06

MNdrama · 27/07/2025 05:09

Sharing content from an anti trans website? Real classy 👍👍

Show quote history

🤳

373 posts
And you MRAing when a woman is being sexually harrassed in her work place.

👁👁

ParmaVioletTea · 27/07/2025 06:30

MNdrama · 27/07/2025 05:09

Sharing content from an anti trans website? Real classy 👍👍

Show quote history

I think it says more about you @MNdrama that you see a charity which fights for women’s rights and call it “anti-trans”. Such misogyny.

MNdrama · 27/07/2025 05:09

BellissimoGecko · 25/07/2025 07:23

Here you are - the law for your boss: https://sex-matters.org/posts/publications/workplace-toilets-know-your-rights/

Sharing content from an anti trans website? Real classy 👍👍

Motherfluffers · 26/07/2025 23:09

I’d say if it’s a misogynistic workplace culture that emboldens men much more to be abusuve in different ways to the female colleagues. It emboldens them. No protection should be assumed because this is a work setting

Thelnebriati · 26/07/2025 13:09

The update about the toilets being dirty helps your case. You can complain directly to the Health & Safety executive about this situation and you can do that online, I posted the link on the first page.

Keeptoiletssafe · 26/07/2025 12:06

LillyPJ · 26/07/2025 09:02

I don't know why you seem to be deliberately misunderstanding what I'm saying but I'm tired of explaining. Reporting the behaviour until it is addressed by HR (or whoever) and appropriate steps are taken to ensure that those guilty men understand and stop doing it (at work and maybe even elsewhere) would be far better, and maybe quicker, than fiddling around with the toilets.

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It’s not better and it could aggravate the situation. Women will now step into the toilets knowing men have been told off. There may be her and multiple men. That’s an intimidating situation.

Their behaviour does need addressing but it doesn’t solve the toilet issues.

Making them single sex does.

The British Toilet Association state that women should have twice as many toilets as men to achieve equity in provision.
_

What I would do is grab some female and male pictograms and stick them on the doors - ratio 2 to 1. But this isn’t enough of course. The building owner needs to sort the loos out. The Sex Matters info is good - there’s also this article that is more from a business legal view that may go down better:

www.irwinmitchell.com/news-and-insights/expert-comment/post/102kb9l/do-retailers-have-to-provide-single-sex-toilets-and-changing-rooms-for-their-cust

MyAmpleSheep · 26/07/2025 11:28

Tekknonan · 25/07/2025 11:59

If the cubicles are separate and lockable from the inside, then unisex toilets are legal.

My offices provide separate, lockable cubicles with a small handbasin and solid floor to ceiling doors on each cubicle. There are also shared basins. I have never had any problematic comments from male users. Everyone treats it as a normal part of the daily routine.

Rapists and assaulters exist in every environemnt. I would find the underused starways more risky.

They’re only legal if they have washbasins inside the cubicle. They don’t- so they’re plainly and clearly not legal.

it doesn’t matter what HR says - your employer must provide you with toilets that meet the regulations and protect you from harassment. They can hire their own portapotties in the car park, or they can move buildings.

The law is on her side, but OP needs to fight the fight.

5128gap · 26/07/2025 09:43

LillyPJ · 26/07/2025 09:02

I don't know why you seem to be deliberately misunderstanding what I'm saying but I'm tired of explaining. Reporting the behaviour until it is addressed by HR (or whoever) and appropriate steps are taken to ensure that those guilty men understand and stop doing it (at work and maybe even elsewhere) would be far better, and maybe quicker, than fiddling around with the toilets.

Show quote history

Unfotunately, as the men are not employed by the OPs employer even the (percieved to be) all powerful 'HR' may be unable to guarantee the OP is not subject to further sexual harassment. The mens employer may decide to take no action, as they have no duty to protect the OP from SH at work, as she is not their employee. The onus is squarely on OPs employer to prevent her from being sexually harassed in the toilets. The only way they can reliably do this is to no longer require her to use toilets with these men. Obviously they can try the easier option of talking to the other company first. But I don't fancy their chances at ET if that's all they do and the sexual harassment continues.

BundleBoogie · 26/07/2025 09:30

Catiette · 26/07/2025 09:15

ETA: In response to Lily's last.

OK, that's rather clearer. The "write to your MP" and "change the culture" references did seem to suggest you were thinking on a far larger scale, and, in that context, the resistance to addressing the toilets whatsoever was hard to understand.

But even if you are thinking on a more practical level than I'd understood, and simply arguing that addressing the men as opposed to the loos is easier for the OP, I'd still question this.

  1. Report the behaviour - potential for conflict with men who are already behaving intimidatingly.

  2. Answer back - ditto.

  3. Make it known who the culprits are - ditto.

  4. Get others to report - better: safety in numbers.

  5. Complain - I think she's planning to.

  6. Call in a union - nuclear option: significant implications for OP's comfort and long-term security at her place of work.

  7. Get other, decent men inside - they're already using the same loos, so, presumably, you can only mean as a escort each trip... surely you don't mean this?

  8. Write to an MP - again, the context in which you suggest this reveals its impracticality, as if you meant about the loos, that could help, but you clearly mean about the behaviour of these men, which, like the above, is honestly a bit hard to take seriously as advice.

Lastly, none of the above guarantees a long-term solution that addresses the OP's actual need. There will be resistance, outliers who still behave badly, bad feeling across the building. And all this compounds what's already upsetting her - conflict and a sense of vulnerability.

Focussing on the toilets themselves avoids all of the above. Removes them, really.

Yes, it involves literal changes to the building - huge for the employer, and there may well be some resentment from them. But that resentment wouldn't be as personal as if she were to critique individuals' behaviour, and it won't be coming from the men she already finds upsetting: she'll be buffered from it to some degree. Not least as, the law's on her side.

Edited

Yes, the behaviour of a bloke hacked off because he got reported to his employer could get really nasty.

Many posters seem to be labouring under the illusion that a threat to his job might prevent a man behaving badly but as we’ve seen in many situations like hospitals - male staff at all levels raping and SA female staff and patients and the misogynist organisation that is the police force where there are high rates of DV, rape and even murder. The threat of losing their career and being a policeman in prison was no deterrent.

Catiette · 26/07/2025 09:20

OP, if I'm disrupting your thread, let me know. Happy to step back. It's just that I find the sheer illogicality of arguing against you asking your employers to uphold your legal rights (and, I personally think, the inadequacy of most arguments for this) a bit frustrating and hard to understand.