Unisex toilets in new office - dread going into work

The toilets aren’t the issue here, the men are - I’ve worked in offices with toilets like this and we never had anyone behave like this. I think all hell would have broken loose if we did!!

Your employer has a responsibility to protect you from sexual harassment in the workplace, whichever part of the office it occurs in. They’re just being lazy and hoping the problem goes away on this which is completely unacceptable.

Be very explicit with your manager that you’re feeling so intimidated by the sexual harassment you’re experiencing in the office, which you have previously reported, that you now feel anxious about coming in. Tell them verbally but follow up with an email and copy in the relevant person in HR so they are also aware of the issue. If you’re in a union, loop them in as well. Report every single incident by email and encourage others to do the same.

They should be logging and reporting every incident to the other company and the building managers. If that doesn’t work they could terminate their lease (which probably has a clause about unacceptable behaviour) and move to a new office. Even if the toilets are still shared, they could look for somewhere that doesn’t share with men that are vile pigs.

Have you been in touch with the directors of the other company and described this behaviour? That seems the logical course of action.

I can’t stand the idiocy of people who ignore this misogynistic culture we live in which permeates everything and who think it’s fine (or even progressive) to take away women only spaces including women only toilets.

I hate unisex toilets and think they should all be turned back into women’s toilets that men may not enter, because women do not benefit from these changes, and women are harmed by them. There are important reasons of safety privacy and dignity why separated toileting was put in.

Gender non conforming women of any kind are absolutely welcome (as they always have been) to use the womens toilets. They are visibly not male in person. Their safety will also benefit like any other woman from being in a female only environment. Unisex toileting is actively more unsafe for women and shouldn’t be the goal of any company.

If you had to share with a man (trans-identifying or not), the toilet would be mixed-sex and therefore illegal in a workplace.

Not well said.

Just because you’re comfortable doesn’t mean we all are. Have some empathy for some women who don’t want to get involved in a fight with men when trying to go to the bathroom. Maybe the woman is pregnant, maybe she’s young, maybe she’s an abuse survivor - there may be many reasons she doesn’t want to instigate an argument with a group of blokes nor should she have to.

Thank you. Gosh, I hadn’t realised the proportion of stranger rapes was as high as that - it seems that there’s been a jump in recent years.

We come across that argument quite frequently - “You shouldn’t be worrying about X because Y happens far more frequently”

but this dismisses the very real issue of X purely on the grounds that Y is ‘more likely’ (although as you highlight, with stranger rape it’s now ’as likely’).

This seems to be a thought terminating argument often deployed (or parroted by those who previously had their thoughts terminated). I wonder if there is a name or term for it.

Well said.

Judging by the 60% attendance, I think you may be a civil servant.

If you are:

seen-network.uk/

They are not unisex toilets though are they? They are standard cubicles with shared hand washing facilities.

Does each cubicle have a sanitary waste bin? Are the doors floor to ceiling? Does each cubicle have hand washing and drying facilities? If no then they cannot be called unisex toilets.

Your employer must, by law, provide toilets which woman can use that provide dignity and security. Let your manager, building facility manager, and HR know that they failing to do so.

This. The toilet provision is illegal. The men’s disgusting behaviour makes it worse, but the central issue is that your employers are breaking the law and should be reported to police.

Well said.

Toilets should be the one place we shouldn’t have to fight off men.

More women die in car accidents driven by men they know than die after having accepted a lift from a strange man they've never met before. Do you think this means random men are likely to be safer drivers than our male family members? Or do you think there could possibly be a different explanation?

It’s amazing how many pick mes in the comments thinking it’s perfectly okay that women have no privacy to use the bathroom away from men.

You can’t talk your way or HR presentation your way around misogynistic dangerous men. Those who rape, assault or degrade women know it’s wrong.

Lack of single sex toilets led to sexual assaults on women, and still do in places where women don’t have them. It’s why women did, and still do in places they need to, campaign for their own toilets.

And women shouldn’t have to tackle intimidating crap or ‘banter’ when they go to the toilet. We shouldn’t have to face this regression in our facilities just to please a minority of men. You are not ‘bossing it’ by accepting this worsening situation for women, you are submitting.

I was in my work toilet a few weeks ago having to change my top, rinse out my breast pump after pumping and had a very messy situation embarrassingly. The lactation room provided didn’t have a sink so I needed to use the toilet.

So yeah, some of us want sex based toilets.

As for those who don’t believe so many of those men exist, it’s clearly top down culture. I’ve worked in places like this where one horrid man is senior and hires men just like him as underlings.

And it’s precisely because some men are creeps that the law mandates single sex toilets at work.

It is for safeguarding and risk mitigation against the behaviour of some men and the risk that some men present to women.

Given that some men have always behaved in a shitty, predatory, and threatening manner towards women, and always will, single sex toilets are better. With a couple of “all gender” single toilets for inclusivity purposes.

Can you use a toilet on another floor? I remember in an old workplace we would save wees for our floor but then subject another floor to the smell of our poos. I suggest you all go to another floor, management will not say anything. The other office sound so gross

These 'unisex' toilets are likely to be illegal, as there are shared hand washing facilities.
The behaviour of the men from the other company is highly inappropriate and exactly why there needs to be completely separate facilities.
Put in a formal complaint to your company. They need to address toileting facilities with the company they hire the building from.
Join a Union and refiuse to return to work in the office (presuming all work can be done from home) until safe toilet facilities are provided.

According to Rape Crisis, 1 in 2 rapes are by a partner or ex partner. Which to your very valid point, means 1 in 2 are not.

Source: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/

You are assuming that every woman raped has the opportunity or ability to scream - that’s often not the case, especially if the man threatens to kill her if she screams.

It’s not ‘likely’ but it does happen. There are several cases of stranger rape where a man has barged into a unisex toilet and raped or attacked a woman. They are the least safe type of toilet for several reasons.

We have laws on single sex spaces for two reasons. Men and women want privacy from each other at times and for women’s safety. The behaviour of these men is obviously a serious issue but the location that gives them the opportunity to behave like this is also an issue.

Your employer needs to ensure your safety. They need to have a toilet area that is safe for you to use. Put in a written complaint. I’d say to look for a new job.

I would absolutely hate that, even without the inappropriate comments. Gross.

Why have you brought ‘transpeople’ into this? (I guess you mean trans identifying men as the young girl down the road from me who calls herself ‘he’ isn’t going to cause me any bother in the toilets)
You may work or socialise in a very sheltered environment- I have seen the behaviour OP reports many times over the years from all sorts of men.

We have laws on single sex spaces partly because men and women have a need for privacy from each other at certain times and for women’s safety. It is irrelevant whether the man knows you or not (or whether he would like to be a woman or not) - they are men.

I am intrigued why you and the other poster make these points about the majority of sexual assaults being perpetrated by men known to us but are totally ignoring the fact that there are still a huge number of rapes and sexual assaults carried out by men we don’t know.

Have you really thought about this and are dismissing all instances of stranger attacks (even though we know they happen) or have you just heard this somewhere else and are repeating it without thinking it through?

Even if it is the case that the offender is not their own employee, the OP's employer are not absolved from responsibility here. Employers can and have been found vicariously liable for the behaviour of 3rd parties if they have not taken steps to address it. The new legislation (since Oct 2024) requires employers to take reasonable steps to prevent sexual harassment...which this behaviour definitely is.

Nor me.