Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

This one won't be popular but let's be honest, there are an awful lot of women who should also be more circumspect about whom they choose to reproduce with.

I agree.

Yes, why not? It’s that or a vast programme of building social housing.

Yes, but the rents are usually cheaper as they don’t need to worry about making a profit.

So what are you suggesting? Nationalising private housing stock? Because private landlords are needed.

This 👆

But also:

1. Why are rent and childcare so unaffordable? This is the reason so many people - mostly single mothers - quite literally cannot afford to work, properly work. I've known women actually pay to work because they don't want to risk being left behind in their careers. There's something very, very wrong with that system.
2. Men definitely should not be able to avoid their responsibilities so easily. Wasn't the CMS set up to fix this? It doesn't work.
3. This one won't be popular but let's be honest, there are an awful lot of women who should also be more circumspect about whom they choose to reproduce with. I know that sometimes 'shit happens' despite best intentions, and I don't know the OP's exact circumstances but two children by two different absent fathers doesn't look good. We all know women who've knowingly reproduced with feckless twats who've never had any intention of doing right by the woman or child. Be more careful about who you allow to stick their dick into you, for Pingu's sake.

You still have to pay rent in social housing.

You're comparing 2 separate things. Private landlords aren't charities. The rent for a property is whatever it is. I'm not going to reduce it because some one can't afford it.

There isn’t, but in an ideal world there would be enough social housing that private landlords wouldn’t be needed (and then if someone chose to privately rent that would be on them to pay the rent).

But then I completely disagree with the concept of housing being an investment.

It’s not a ridiculous comment, just a different viewpoint. What a shame you have to resort to insults.

@LakieLady and that’s a big part of the issue - the amount of private renting needed , especially in the southern half of the country where buying is way more difficult due to size of mortgages needed- I had this conversation back in my original midlands home town ( ex mining town) and was explaining to a friend who couldn’t understand why we hadn’t bought that even an average 3 bed semi in our area was £550k and even if we moved somewhere not quite as nice location wise but similar area we would be looking at £400k minimum. She bought a 3 bed semi beautifully done up a couple of years ago for £195k . Housing subsidy is such a huge part of the issue which is why we need more good quality social housing - even at £900 a month rents in expensive areas most tenants would be quids in, and subsidy’s via UC would drop hugely .

That is disgraceful and totally unacceptable. Think it's a good example of how the welfare system as it stands can produce such perverse and obviously outrageous dynamics like this!

"Nigel" is a fucking rent-a-gob layabout who wouldn't know hard work if it bit him on his pampered backside. He hasn't got a plan beyond sound bites and whining.

I am a high tax payer and have been grumbling a bit lately. Too much perhaps.

But you seem exactly the sort of person who needs UC.
You don't have a partner. You have small children. I assume you will work full time later. I am not seeing entitlement.

Anyway ignore your cousin.

Utterly ridiculous comment. There isn't enough social housing. Aside from that many tenants prefer private rentals. Private landlords are meeting a demand and they aren't charities.

Ask Nigel.

The point is that people will bleat on about protecting "taxpayers money" when they think someone lower than them on the metaphorical ladder is benefiting from something but it's suddenly all fair and square if it's someone equal to them is benefiting from that same money. Hence PP's point about subsidised childcare being considered to be fine and my point about the housing element.

Well you must be earning it to pay it as the basic state pension isn’t enough to pay tax on. OP is working. She gets UC because wealthy employers pay shit wages on which their employees can’t make ends meet. So the tax payer is effectively footing their wages bill. Same with landlords. They charge exorbitant rents that ordinary hard working people can’t afford, so again UC foots the bill. The fact that you choose to blame the claimants instead of the people who are actually causing the problem says more about your entitlement as a boomer than it ever will about the OP.

Genuine question for those that think OP should just get a higher paying job, what do you think a serious path for that would be? How do you go about getting one of these higher paying jobs (the average pay where I am is 35k) and then who fills the lower paid roles? If everyone 'just got a higher paying job' would there not be a shortage in roles that are vital? A carer isnt going to be a net contributor. Neither is your local shop keeper. Or the person that cleans your kids school or cooks their lunches.

And no, i am not on any benefits myself.

As a society we all contribute to the things that help us all. This includes the NHS, education and schools, defence, the police and fire service, road and rail building, upkeep of national parks, support for the arts, benefits for those who have less and the infrastructure that supports all of that.

We pay what we can afford, according to our income, and we pay disproportionately via VAT and council tax. I paid about £20,000 in income tax etc in 2024-25, and nothing on 2025-26.

Tell your cousin that unless she is prepared to pay privately for her health and the fire service, she should shut up. If benefits and UC are not paid to families like yours, then your children and others will grow up hungry and ill and poorly educated. They will be less able to work themselves and then pay their own tax in time.

Tell her also that unless she is prepared to set up an organisation to campaign for absent fathers to pay their way and be unable to walk away from their children, then she should shut up. What’s more, how does she know she won’t require benefits herself?

We all contribute, even when we buy a chocolate bar. We all benefit, every time we don’t have to put out our own fires, or stop and clear the road after an accident.

It’s called society. It benefits communities, our communities and unless she wants to end up spending thousands on top of high insurance premiums for healthcare, she should STFU.

You’re both still working JUST to support Universal Credit ?! Impressive

working to live!!

Because she’s still getting off her backside and going to work for the limited time her circumstances allow? People on mumsnet seem distinctly lacking in empathy @glassor2 when it comes to those who have to resort to using the benefit system that was designed to help the less fortunate, even tho it was previously working tax credits, now that it comes under the umbrella of UC with JSA etc they like to look down on claimants. God help any of them if they need to resort to living on it. However for your issue, do what makes you happy regarding your job. You will have to do it every day for a long time if it feels like the new one will be better then go for it. I wish you luck either way x

Thank you for noting that.

Whenever this is discussed on here usually women end up getting blamed for making poor choices.

Not long ago I started a thread asking if I should report my exh for benefit fraud and most people said no and didn’t believe me when I said my exh doesn’t pay maintenance. So it was fine for a man to get £800 in benefits with a six figure lump sum in the bank and have his kids EOW but it’s not ok for me to claim £200 a month towards childcare so I can work 30 hours a week as the resident parent.

This.

Surely there must be things we can learn from other countries about getting feckless parents - usually men, let’s face it - to actually pay for the offspring they’ve created.

Minimum wage, school hours, also could be term time only.

Why on earth not ? We’re supposed to be a supportive forum. Why wouldn’t we want to help from any collective experience ?