Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

So why not devise a system whereby the benefits are still paid to the resident parent and recuperated from the absent parents earnings ? Can't be that hard to administer !

I pay a lot of more than your cousin but I don't begrudge people for claiming UC - I am very thankful and grateful not being in that position. I would hate be on any income related benefits as you never what could happen.

Maintenance isn't included in benefit calculations because it's not considered to be a reliable income. There are many men out there who will dick about with maintenance amounts at will and even the government knows that there's little that can be done to tackle them doing so (and a total lack of will to legislate against it).

It used to be the case pre 2010 that maintenance payments were taken into account for benefits. In reality this often meant children went without if a paying parent suddenly stopped paying.

Which is why, as a nation, we should be working towards raising the aspirations of younger generations by tackling poverty, promoting access to quality education, and ensuring children have a range of opportunities open to them as reasonably unhindered as possible by financial or social circumstances. We could fund these things through taxes in order to form some kind of benefits system that would lift children out of poverty....

YANBU.
I see some of the usual benefit bashers are here, despite you asking about how to deal with the passive aggressiveness of your cousin, and not about benefits.

I am on UC, and am mostly surrounded by other people on UC too, or people who never bring it up. If they are judging me, then they are doing right to keep those thoughts in their head. I did used to have a friend who kept trying to bring it up (as a way to drag me down). He is no longer a friend.

As I see it, you have a few choices here. You could just carry on putting up with her comments, which wont do you any good.
You could try and change the subject every time... even if it is "hey! look, a squirrel!" or something daft to put her off her stride. She might get the hint eventually. Or just walk away and make a cuppa.
Or you could confront her and just have it out. Not in an argumentative way. Google DEAR MAN (it is a skill taught in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy). Use it to break it down to her how her passive aggressive comments is making you feel, and how you would like her to stop.

Your money and where it comes from is none of her business. You are making use of a system that is exactly for people in your situation.
Your cousin would do well to realise that she is not a net contributor anyway.

Do these high paying jobs require specific education, skills and experience or can the OP just rock up and claim one?

It seems to escape so many people that lots of people who work full time are entitled to UC. Most people on UC are in work.

At 72 pretty sure the reason he’s still working is not to ‘keep people like the OP’ working part time. Sounds more like someone didn’t plan their pension very well. So on your way down from your condescending high horse, have a word with yourself. We know absolutely nothing about the OP’s situation and the judgement and dickheads on this post is outstanding. Before UC it was working tax credits and child tax credits. Did you have an issue with that as well?

Oh and this came in under the Tory’s because they couldn’t be arsed with the CMS system and costs - not labour. An example to me of their piss poor financial ‘thinking it through’

But even if they did pay child maintenance it would not affect the amount of UC that op gets because it isn't deducted from Uc at all.

No you're missing the point. The rent is due. How do you propse the landlord should get paid?

It doesn’t matter whether these fathers pay for the children or not. If you are entitled to benefits it’s disregarded- personally I think that’s nuts in so many ways - it disincentives full time working if you are getting a fair whack of maintenance ( someone I know gets close on £1000) so does as little work as she can get away with and I think it creates resentment with others not in that position who work full time to end up with far less. I also think it incentivises ‘artificial splits’

I think people seem to deliberately choose to misunderstand tax.if you are able to and have provision for childcare.partnet etc .you should pay a proportionate amount. If you don't you need more help.unless it's suddenly become legal to leave kids alone! I would ignore and maybe limit time spent with her

Also see the recent thread by a poster whose DD got sanctioned.

No , it's Communism which is the problem.

You're entirely missing the point. No one has said that landlord are charities.

The point being made was that when housing element is paid to a benefit claimant (i.e., someone viewed as being lower down the social order) they're a scrounger because "that's taxpayers money" however when a landlord (typically viewed as being higher up the ladder) receives that exact same housing element money in payment of rent, it's perceived to be absolutely fine even though it's still taxpayers money.

Ditto funded childcare. Benefit claimants are viewed negatively for getting "taxpayers hard-earned money" and being "subsidised by the state" (entirely disregarding that many benefit claimants also work) while people benefiting from funded childcare aren't viewed that way despite that funding also being taxpayer's money and a state subsidisation.

Attitudes towards claimants appear to be heavily influenced by their perceived social class and position in society.

It's not communism that's the problem, it's personality cults.

Exactly, it's noticeable that when people lose their jobs they don't celebrate that they can now claim benefits. Surely if life is so good on benefits they would be ecstatic.

I went back to work full time when my son was 2 months old. I am a net contributor by a considerable margin.

So basically you're suggesting Communism. Well that's worked out so well everywhere it's been tried.

@TaupeLemur an excellent post.

I don't know why other people have to be so rude and make other people feel small. Yes it's annoying to pay tax and to feel like other people make the choice (sorry OP but whatever you say it is a choice, as you could use UC to help pay your childcare costs whilst you work) to stay at home and earn less so the taxpayer picks up the cost. But it is also annoying to hear people that pay barely any tax like her whinging on. No matter what circumstances you are in everyone feels screwed over. That's human nature. You could be a billionaire and be annoyed at the level of taxation. Or on benefits and annoyed at the low level of them. You could be a massive NHS user and cost the state a fortune, or you could have no kids and no medical needs and cost very little. Unless someone is going to do a cost benefit analysis of every individual then how is she to know who costs the state more money?

We all need to just be kinder to other people and not moan in front of them about how hard our lives are because of other people. Life can be miserable enough without other people making us feel worse.

I have a toddler and work full time, and have to pay child care. Many do.

While I have sympathy with you, OP, it does absolutely infuriate me that these men aren't forced to pay for their children. They shouldn't be able to dodge it by changing countries. Ironically, I believe that if you were in Australia as well, his wages would automatically be garnished to pay his obligations. I don't know why the government is not far, far tougher on defaulting fathers.