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AIBU?

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Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

739 replies

glassor2 · 24/07/2025 16:17

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

OP posts:
ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:42

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 22:39

@ThatBoldBear you said a family income of £101k with ONE parent working and then said they'd have to pay nursery fees.
Why?
You don't need childcare nursery if there's a parent at home.
It would be their choice to pay nursery fees. They don't need to.

Don’t know, pick a reason.

Boohoo76 · 24/07/2025 22:41

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 22:39

@ThatBoldBear you said a family income of £101k with ONE parent working and then said they'd have to pay nursery fees.
Why?
You don't need childcare nursery if there's a parent at home.
It would be their choice to pay nursery fees. They don't need to.

I know a number of single mums on £100k+. They’re paying £2k+ for childcare for ONE child.

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 22:41

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:37

Ok so I’m out by say £600. Still you’d expect to be more than £500 a month better off earning £101k though wouldn’t you?

OK, I am going to give myself as an example.

I am on UC. I get a bit over £800pm. I don't get money for rent. That £800 is all I get.

I am on half of what someone on NMW takes home.... I still have to pay some council tax, and I have to pay all my bills.

How do I have more disposable income than someone on £101k? Because that makes NO sense.

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:41

MugsyBalonz · 24/07/2025 22:38

Social housing is not automatically allocated just because someone is on Universal Credit, and it's not restricted to people on Universal Credit. It's also not free, you still pay rent on it. Some people on UC are in social housing, some are in private sector. All of them will have to pay rent. Their UC payment might include a housing element, which would be included in that £1500 example you quoted, and this might not cover their full rent as there are caps on how much it can be. They wills need to pay their rent from the £1500 so if their rent is, for example, £700 then they'd only have £800 left to live on. There is no such thing as free housing.

If you don't know how benefits work, why post so confidently that they'd received £1500 and get to keep 100% of it when it's patently untrue?

Ok so under your example you’d be better off by £600 a month if you earned £101k rather than on UC.

needNC · 24/07/2025 22:40

isyouready · 24/07/2025 22:22

Well said

Absolutely. I work with the most amazing,hardworking,compassionate people you could ever meet. Some of my colleagues are claiming UC to compensate their shitty low pay .

FortyDegreeDay · 24/07/2025 22:40

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 22:33

But people who are at the literal bottom.. the NMW people... they get topped up in UC so they can afford to LIVE.

How is that wrong? Society needs the people doing those jobs.

And it is not just people on NMW getting topped up... nurses get topped up too. Are you going to tell them to just go and get a better job?

But I am in total agreement that it’s despicable that someone can work full time and that’s not enough money for them to live on, I don’t think that’s in dispute. We absolutely do need more affordable housing, transport, childcare, etc.

People opting to work part time but expecting a full time salary without doing the full time work is madness. There are thousands and thousands of working parents who would love to work part time to be able to spend more time at home, but it’s not financially viable, so they don’t. I don’t think that’s a controversial viewpoint.

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 22:39

@ThatBoldBear you said a family income of £101k with ONE parent working and then said they'd have to pay nursery fees.
Why?
You don't need childcare nursery if there's a parent at home.
It would be their choice to pay nursery fees. They don't need to.

MugsyBalonz · 24/07/2025 22:38

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:33

I’ve never claimed so was just going off the gov figures, don’t people get social housing and cash? You’ve got to admit it’s a pretty crazy situation though even if my figures are slightly out.

Social housing is not automatically allocated just because someone is on Universal Credit, and it's not restricted to people on Universal Credit. It's also not free, you still pay rent on it. Some people on UC are in social housing, some are in private sector. All of them will have to pay rent. Their UC payment might include a housing element, which would be included in that £1500 example you quoted, and this might not cover their full rent as there are caps on how much it can be. They wills need to pay their rent from the £1500 so if their rent is, for example, £700 then they'd only have £800 left to live on. There is no such thing as free housing.

If you don't know how benefits work, why post so confidently that they'd received £1500 and get to keep 100% of it when it's patently untrue?

Icanttakethisanymore · 24/07/2025 22:38

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/07/2025 17:01

Well She's not paying £400 on tax is she. She said herself some of it is National Insurance. That is a contribution towards her pension. Effectively that is a form of long term saving.

Your UC is temporary, to help you survive until you can return to the workforce.
Would she like to see a return to the poor House instead.

When your son is settled in school or a bit older you will be back in the workforce, paying tax just like everyone else... When your son is older it will be the tax he pays that funds all the public spending the government spends when she is older and perhaps retired. That's the way it works.

the national insurance she pays is not a contribution towards her pension. It’s tax, it just has a different name. It’s not hypothecated and it’s not ‘hers’ it’s used for general government spending just like all the other tax we pay.

thatsalad · 24/07/2025 22:37

Viviennemary · 24/07/2025 22:13

That's fine, but they shouldnt be expecting other folk to subsidise their choices.

Fathers should not expect others to substitise their choices to have kids and not pay for them, I agree. The govt should make sure they pay

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:37

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 22:35

But you are comparing someone on a specific salary with someone on UC that has very specific circumstances.

Everyone on UC is different. I am on UC and do not get the housing element. That is what makes up a huge amount for some people.

Ok so I’m out by say £600. Still you’d expect to be more than £500 a month better off earning £101k though wouldn’t you?

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 22:36

Icanttakethisanymore · 24/07/2025 22:34

You only get funded hours if you’re working though - the point is to make it easier for patents to work which actually reduces the benefits bill, I assume.

Edited

It's still money from the government pot though isn't it?

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:36

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 22:33

She doesn't have free housing. She has to pay rent out of her income which is a mix of wages and UC.

So -£600 from my figures? In that case you’d be £500 a month better off earning £101k. Do you think that’s a sustainable situation?

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 22:35

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:30

Not less well off. They have less disposable cash after childcare and housing (assuming 2 kids in childcare) and UC recipient has free housing.

But you are comparing someone on a specific salary with someone on UC that has very specific circumstances.

Everyone on UC is different. I am on UC and do not get the housing element. That is what makes up a huge amount for some people.

isyouready · 24/07/2025 22:34

DonnyBurrito · 24/07/2025 22:10

Agreed. And then it's 'Well she was stupid enough to have children with him, I bet there were signs, so it's her own fault, and she should now click her fingers and become a net contributor overnight!'

Apparently 75k+ jobs grow on trees all over the UK.

Yes I agree Precious Tatus

Harry12345 · 24/07/2025 22:34

U53rn8m3ch8ng3 · 24/07/2025 20:39

Yeah we could all come up with excuses of being mentally drained. I'm fucking knackered but it counts for nothing

I am meaning everyone’s mental health is different same as everyone’s earning power, not everyone can be superwoman and work in high flying jobs, society just isn’t like that and we need carers, bin men, nursery teachers and delivery drivers

Icanttakethisanymore · 24/07/2025 22:34

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 16:38

It's funny how "benefits" are evil but "funding" for childcare from 9 months is fine.
It's all government money isn't it?

You only get funded hours if you’re working though - the point is to make it easier for patents to work which actually reduces the benefits bill, I assume.

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:33

MugsyBalonz · 24/07/2025 22:27

Presuming they're renting, rent would need to be paid out of that £1500 as it would include a housing element. The exact amount of housing element is capped based on how many bedrooms they're eligible for whatever the local housing allowance is (varies by area). They don't just get given £1500 to keep and no bills.

I’ve never claimed so was just going off the gov figures, don’t people get social housing and cash? You’ve got to admit it’s a pretty crazy situation though even if my figures are slightly out.

Viviennemary · 24/07/2025 22:33

MugsyBalonz · 24/07/2025 22:21

And when we have a nation full of CEOs, doctors, directors, and senior managers because everyone has "bettered" themselves, who is going to staff the supermarkets, support children's education, empty the bins, and care for the elderly?

Minimum wage doesn't mean a job isn't important and there should not be a push for "bettering" just for the sake of it. NMW should be at a level that enables a family to live respectable lifestyle, the scandal here is that it doesn't and that top-ups are 100% necessary in order to keep people out of poverty.

It's not subsiding choices, it's ensuring that the vital roles on society are filled because we need people in so-called 'unskilled' jobs.

I meant subsidising choices like working part-time. Or not working at all. Or deciding you are too stressed to,work. I read the other day the age for old age pensions will be eventually rising to 80, So let's hope these old folk are able to carry on working to support all the benefit claimants. It's beyond a joke. Shame on Labour for not tackling it when they had the chance

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 22:33

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:30

Not less well off. They have less disposable cash after childcare and housing (assuming 2 kids in childcare) and UC recipient has free housing.

She doesn't have free housing. She has to pay rent out of her income which is a mix of wages and UC.

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 22:33

FortyDegreeDay · 24/07/2025 22:29

But they can only make that choice at the expense of other people choosing not to and then subsiding other people who make that choice. If we all made that choice, the system wouldn’t work - would it? It’s not about having as much money as possible at all but we all have to cut our cloth accordingly without expecting other people to foot the bill.

But people who are at the literal bottom.. the NMW people... they get topped up in UC so they can afford to LIVE.

How is that wrong? Society needs the people doing those jobs.

And it is not just people on NMW getting topped up... nurses get topped up too. Are you going to tell them to just go and get a better job?

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:30

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 22:28

I was commenting on someone saying that someone on £101k is somehow less well off than someone on UC.
It is crazy, because it is bullshit.

Not less well off. They have less disposable cash after childcare and housing (assuming 2 kids in childcare) and UC recipient has free housing.

Boohoo76 · 24/07/2025 22:30

OneCalmFish · 24/07/2025 21:47

People should also look at the breakdowns of income tax those paying the highest (additional) ie earning the most only pay 45% leaving a bare minimum £68628 pa but basic rate which is probably a huge amount of us here is 20% even if you’re top end you have £40000 pa left and that starts at under £13000 pa the tiers are ridiculous so called higher rate (they do not end up with a lot for it) only pays 5% less than the additional rate, coincidentally guess where you’re CEOs and M.P’s etc are probably sitting? Yeah they’re probs all additional rates and I guarantee they’ll be earning more than the £125140 plus

Someone on £125k earns five times as much as someone on minimum wage but pays over 18 times as much tax and NI. MPs earn £93k so would not be additional tax rate payers (unless they have other income). CEO’s (particulary of large companies) earn a lot more than £125k. Your anger is directed at the wrong people. If you increase the tax burden even further on those earning £100k + you will drive out even more highly skilled professionals from this country.

FortyDegreeDay · 24/07/2025 22:29

ruethewhirl · 24/07/2025 21:58

'Better themselves'?

Has it actually not occurred to you that people who work part time might be making the choice to spend more time with their children? That's a pretty positive choice in my book. There are other ways to 'better oneself' than to chase after as much money as possible.

But they can only make that choice at the expense of other people choosing not to and then subsiding other people who make that choice. If we all made that choice, the system wouldn’t work - would it? It’s not about having as much money as possible at all but we all have to cut our cloth accordingly without expecting other people to foot the bill.

ladygindiva · 24/07/2025 22:29

KateSnakes · 24/07/2025 16:55

How are you working 3-4 days a week yet earning under 12k so not paying tax OP? Working an hour a day or something?

At £300 a month she’s certainly not a net contributor, so tell her that she’s not paying enough either.

Minimum wage approx 12.20 an hour, 6 hour day whilst little one at school would be approx £73 a day , 3 days a week £219 a week, that is under a grand a month, not sure whats difficult to understand about that tbh

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