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Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

739 replies

glassor2 · 24/07/2025 16:17

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

OP posts:
ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 23:42

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 23:36

Sorry it's too late in the evening for maths so I haven't a clue 😂
I was just saying that even those on part time low wage jobs pay tax.
I paid tax from 18 (or is it 16 as I had a part time job?) until 31 despite rarely going above minimum wage.
I don't pay tax now as I am a carer and receive carer's allowance.
Should I not be entitled to the carers allowance (that comes from the government pot) just because I "only" paid a smaller amount of tax due to my low wage?

No I think you should receive it, I think it should be used for things like that.

isyouready · 24/07/2025 23:40

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 23:36

Sorry it's too late in the evening for maths so I haven't a clue 😂
I was just saying that even those on part time low wage jobs pay tax.
I paid tax from 18 (or is it 16 as I had a part time job?) until 31 despite rarely going above minimum wage.
I don't pay tax now as I am a carer and receive carer's allowance.
Should I not be entitled to the carers allowance (that comes from the government pot) just because I "only" paid a smaller amount of tax due to my low wage?

I agree with you wholeheartedly needmorelego. You talk a lot of sense

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 23:36

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 23:28

You need to think this through logically. If I gave you £10 from my piggy bank and charged you 10% that goes straight back in the piggy bank. How have you contributed to the piggy bank? Just to avoid confusion, this is not a real piggy bank.

Sorry it's too late in the evening for maths so I haven't a clue 😂
I was just saying that even those on part time low wage jobs pay tax.
I paid tax from 18 (or is it 16 as I had a part time job?) until 31 despite rarely going above minimum wage.
I don't pay tax now as I am a carer and receive carer's allowance.
Should I not be entitled to the carers allowance (that comes from the government pot) just because I "only" paid a smaller amount of tax due to my low wage?

Megirlan123 · 24/07/2025 23:31

MugsyBalonz · 24/07/2025 16:42

See also private landlords receiving the housing element of UC that is paid to qualifying tenants (or even paid direct to the landlord in certain circumstances), that's apparently fine but the benefit claimants are viewed as spongers.

Do you think landlords should house people for free then?

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 23:28

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 23:21

Yes and even part time and/or low wage workers will pay some tax.
They might not be adding as much into the pot but they are adding some.

You need to think this through logically. If I gave you £10 from my piggy bank and charged you 10% that goes straight back in the piggy bank. How have you contributed to the piggy bank? Just to avoid confusion, this is not a real piggy bank.

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 23:28

intrepidpanda · 24/07/2025 23:23

Unless you have a breakdown of all tax she has paid and all the money she has used, you can't possibly know that.
You can't just through an arbitrary number (even if it's from Google, which will be an average at best) and say below this is scrounger above this us contributor.

Scrounger? nice

Crikeyalmighty · 24/07/2025 23:27

I will just add a point to those saying employers need to pay more- when we lived in Denmark, their minimum wage actually was not much higher than the UKs , nor was swedens and other Northern European countries too - and with much higher tax levels and less generous tax free allowances. The big difference wasn’t to do with wages, it’s to do with costs - childcare in Copenhagen even for babies was around £280 a month - full time. There was an awful lot more good quality social housing available ‘if Danish’ ( although some refugees got it too) sensible money - there isn’t any council tax, utilities were lower. So whilst people may actually have been taking home slightly less ( if at the lower end of the wages spectrum) their costs out of income were often less. There was also an expectation that unless disabled then both people in a couple worked full time, or close to it , as did single parents - and appropriate wrap around care seemed good.
the people actually it was tougher on were higher earners not benefitting from childcare or social housing and paying high tax but it seemed to be accepted that this was how it was for an ordered society .

as things stand here we have ended up with an awful lot of low to middling wages, moderate tax up to a certain level but poor services and ridiculously high costs and an expectation that low earners can work part time and just get top ups.

the system to put it bluntly doesn’t work and we need to look to places like Scandinavia and see why it does work - problem is it wouldn’t suit those who want to be paid to stay at home or a lot of older well off people who don’t see why they should be paying 42% tax at their stage for stuff they aren’t benefitting from on a day to day basis.

intrepidpanda · 24/07/2025 23:23

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 23:12

Her cousin is not a net contributor. So she takes more than she pays. She is a hypocrite.

Unless you have a breakdown of all tax she has paid and all the money she has used, you can't possibly know that.
You can't just through an arbitrary number (even if it's from Google, which will be an average at best) and say below this is scrounger above this us contributor.

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 23:23

Harry12345 · 24/07/2025 23:19

But it’s totally irrelevant to the op, she is a single parent and you are taking about a couple, a well off couple

It was in response to another comment.

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 23:21

Hiptothisjive · 24/07/2025 23:19

Sure but from money they got from the government paid for from peoples taxes. Wooden dollars as they say.

They aren’t really paying tax on purchases. They are giving back the money through a purchase to the government who gave it to them in the first place.

And?

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 23:21

Hiptothisjive · 24/07/2025 23:16

No it really isn’t. It’s the money we are contribute to the government through paying taxes.

Yes and even part time and/or low wage workers will pay some tax.
They might not be adding as much into the pot but they are adding some.

Hiptothisjive · 24/07/2025 23:19

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 23:00

And everyone pays tax on purchases

Sure but from money they got from the government paid for from peoples taxes. Wooden dollars as they say.

They aren’t really paying tax on purchases. They are giving back the money through a purchase to the government who gave it to them in the first place.

Harry12345 · 24/07/2025 23:19

ThatBoldBear · 24/07/2025 22:48

It’s not real people, it’s an example of how mad the system is. If it makes you feel better, the wife is a narcoleptic with a cough medicine addiction so needs childcare.

But it’s totally irrelevant to the op, she is a single parent and you are taking about a couple, a well off couple

Hiptothisjive · 24/07/2025 23:16

Needmorelego · 24/07/2025 16:38

It's funny how "benefits" are evil but "funding" for childcare from 9 months is fine.
It's all government money isn't it?

No it really isn’t. It’s the money we are contribute to the government through paying taxes.

intrepidpanda · 24/07/2025 23:16

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 23:00

And everyone pays tax on purchases

Yes. Some buy more than others.
Smokers, drinkers, drivers for eg will pay a lot more tax than a non smoking tee totaller with no car.

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 23:12

ThinWomansBrain · 24/07/2025 23:10

you seem to think that it's unfair for your cousin to have to pay tax - where do you think the money to pay benefits should come from FFS?

Her cousin is not a net contributor. So she takes more than she pays. She is a hypocrite.

ThinWomansBrain · 24/07/2025 23:10

you seem to think that it's unfair for your cousin to have to pay tax - where do you think the money to pay benefits should come from FFS?

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 23:09

Sunflowersurprise · 24/07/2025 23:08

Well health related benefits are soaring. So many more people claiming to be too ill to work. It’s totally and utterly unrealistic that these claims are real. No other country has seen such a ludicrous ‘ill health’ explosion. And speak to any GP and you’ll hear how frustrated they are that people aren’t helping themselves at all. Do they take medication? do they eat healthily? Do they exercise? No, can’t be arsed.

Maybe ask why people are too ill to work?

Harry12345 · 24/07/2025 23:09

FortyDegreeDay · 24/07/2025 22:40

But I am in total agreement that it’s despicable that someone can work full time and that’s not enough money for them to live on, I don’t think that’s in dispute. We absolutely do need more affordable housing, transport, childcare, etc.

People opting to work part time but expecting a full time salary without doing the full time work is madness. There are thousands and thousands of working parents who would love to work part time to be able to spend more time at home, but it’s not financially viable, so they don’t. I don’t think that’s a controversial viewpoint.

Most single parents are opting to do this though!

Sunflowersurprise · 24/07/2025 23:08

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 22:16

How do you know?

Well health related benefits are soaring. So many more people claiming to be too ill to work. It’s totally and utterly unrealistic that these claims are real. No other country has seen such a ludicrous ‘ill health’ explosion. And speak to any GP and you’ll hear how frustrated they are that people aren’t helping themselves at all. Do they take medication? do they eat healthily? Do they exercise? No, can’t be arsed.

Boohoo76 · 24/07/2025 23:06

OneCalmFish · 24/07/2025 22:42

Well for a start 93 is just their basic salary doesn’t cover expenses and as you say most earn elsewhere. Minimum wage is what 25000ish they pay 20% 5000 leaving 20000. Someone earning 125k may well pay 40% at 50000 but it does leave 75000 to spend in comparison it’s ten times more paid nearly 4 times more left isn’t it?

You don’t pay tax on expenses so MPs are not additional rate tax payers (unless they have another source of income). Many back benchers don’t have other sources of income. I wouldn’t do their job for the pay they get. Travelling up and down the country, spending lots of time away from their families unless their constituency is close to London. I earned more WFH full time. And that’s before you consider that a couple of them have been murdered in recent years.

I’m talking about the tax burden. Someone on £25k pays about £2400 in income tax. Someone on £125k pays about £42k in income tax. But you want them to pay more….People earning £100k+ get a really bad deal in this country when compared to many other countries. That’s why they are leaving. But you want to drive more of them away. Bite the hand that feeds you.

angelco · 24/07/2025 23:06

H1lll · 24/07/2025 16:23

Stop talking about it as there are a lot of people (myself included) who agree with her. We both work need to work full time to pay our bills so I don’t agree with others being able to choose to work part time and the tax payer pick up the bill

Oh bore off,

I chose to have a child that I don’t want someone else to raise. I was claiming money back from uc to pay my childcare alongside my rent and other elements because my wage wouldn’t cover my rent council tax childcare fuel for car tax for car insurance for car…. Electric gas water food repairs etc!!! I had stopped claiming childcare costs until this coming September which means I wasn’t taking it off the government like I had been so why aren’t mothers allowed to stay home longer and not take the funded or even 85% paid or tax free surely it’s no better off. I’ll be taking even more funding from them when In reality without the pressure I’d stay home till my child was a little older and not take the childcare that isn’t actually free the government fund it. It’s such a backwards way of running things and you muppets that mona. Have no clue

Sunflowersurprise · 24/07/2025 23:03

OneCalmFish · 24/07/2025 22:42

Well for a start 93 is just their basic salary doesn’t cover expenses and as you say most earn elsewhere. Minimum wage is what 25000ish they pay 20% 5000 leaving 20000. Someone earning 125k may well pay 40% at 50000 but it does leave 75000 to spend in comparison it’s ten times more paid nearly 4 times more left isn’t it?

This isn’t how taxes work. Earn £25k, half of that is tax free (nil rate band) so income tax is 20% of £12,500. Same with higher rates of tax. You get charged at different bands.

suburberphobe · 24/07/2025 23:01

I would get this toxic person out of your life.

You're doing great.

Fuck her off.

Just have positive people in your life.

Just cos you have a blood relation doesn't mean you have to put up with their crap, bullshit or undermining you.

I had that same experience in May. I'm over it. Life's too short.

XenoBitch · 24/07/2025 23:00

intrepidpanda · 24/07/2025 22:59

Remember its not just income people pay tax on. So while some may earn 41k, they may pay less other tax than someone on less.

And everyone pays tax on purchases

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