to think disordered eating amongst women is more common that you'd think?

Pretty similar here.
I've reached the age of having to be more mindful about what I eat, but I do it more by tweaking portions and ratio of food rather than "diets", exclusion and denial. It's a balanced diet, I'm healthy and I enjoy food and life without guilt.

DM was young in in the 60s and spent middle age hating that she didn't still have a 22" waist. One of her biggest achievements in life was leaving the maternity hospital in her jeans
Fortunately I was a naturally lean child so didn't get the brunt of her comments growing up, unlike other relatives, so that spared me a lot of baggage.

"Disordered" is a broad term and includes over eating as well as under eating.

Society having veered from prolonged rationing to an abubdance of processed, calorie rich food has damaged peoples' ability to regulate to need and there's a lot of generational baggage carrying through society.

I was wondering exactly the same.

I've never been overweight.
But I don't think of food as good or bad or treats.

When I have started to gain weight like when I went into the menopause, I reduced what I ate.

I have never really thought about food too much until the last few years and now just try to eat as well as possible.

I realised my mum has an eating disorder. The 'slim at any costs' was definitely her thing but she didn't have access to the information we have now.

Yes sorry I didn’t mean you were projecting.

I agree about the way the threads turn out. I also think that of course a lot of people on here will agree with the OP, because of a lot of people view all sorts of things as disordered eating. A thread I vaguely remember about how many biscuits do you eat in one sitting had people clearly judging others for their “disordered eating” because they ate too many, while others were clearly judged as having disordered eating for saying they only ate one, or didn’t eat biscuits. Sure, some of the women will have disordered eating, but I think a lot of it on MN is different appetites assuming that the other is either a binge eater, or highly restrictive.

Yes I’ve seen a fair bit of that, but much more fat shaming, and I’m currently a size 8 so I’m not projecting. Any thread on here about weight ends up being very toxic which, I think, proves OPs point somewhat!

I’ve also seen a lot of “anyone who is a size 8 is a miserable competitive undereater who is constantly hungry while denying themselves what they really want”.

Other people’s eating habits bring out a lot of judgement, as well as a lot of people projecting their own issues onto others.

I'm careful about what I eat and like to stay slim. Is that disordered or just self control?

I've done restricted diets etc and actually it was working with a personal trainer that totally changed my attitude to food.

I'm much healthier about it now e.g. aim for 80% good and like you say have more awareness of what feels good.

I've actually put on about two stone and am now at top end of my BMI, but the best thing I did was stop beating myself up about it.

My tuppence is that 1) people do have different eating styles and too often we are trying to follow one that doesn't suit us 2) the biggest problem we have isn't actually about obesity i.e. being over fat, it's about being undermuscled (and lack of moving enough).

I eat very similarly to you OP. My aim is to be healthy and nourish my body properly, and to stay a healthy weight, so I follow a whole food vegan diet in appropriate sized portions. Where we differ though, is that deep down, I don't want to eat this way. My health and weight makes me happy, but its a sacrafice because I want a magnum every night. Family bags of crisps in front of the TV. Takeaway, chocolate, cream teas, biscuits, pizza. And lots of it.
But being healthy matters more, so I'm constantly aware of the need to keep myself under control, and would do similar things to your friend with the cake to prevent myself eating what I'd like to. I'll also do loads of excercise to offset any overeating, and I most definitely think in terms of good (healthy) and bad (low nutrient high calorie) foods, and feel guilty, and even disgusted if I've eaten the bad stuff.
So, many ticks for disordered eating. But what can I do? My appetite and food preferences don't align with the state of health I want, so I can't forget about food and eat intuitively.

Me either. I have seen a lot of “anyone who isn’t a size 8 is an unhealthy greedy pig” though!

I've never noticed this to be true on here at all.

I agree, there are the extremes where someone is too thin or is obese but there is a huge spectrum in between. There is a lot of defensiveness around the issue though so I wouldn’t expect a reasonable discussion as on MN anyone who isn’t a size 16 must have an eating disorder as that is ‘average’ and therefore seen to be instantly healthy.

Excuse the typos 😆🙈

I agree!! Im
a dietitian, although that’s by the by really! I see it a lot, always have but I think it’s escalating… within my own friendship groups not one of them is happy with their weight!! They all constantly strive to be slimmer and weight cycle and fall for many short term fixes. Deprive themselves even when eating out occasionally!! It’s exhausting to hear about! I’m not a stick insect but I eat normal foods, cook good food mostly and eat balanced meals but not to obsession! If I fancy a chocolate bar, I’ll have it. Constantly denying yourself and over restricting can lead to a preoccupation with food! Thanks simplistic but I see it a lot! It’s also fuelled by the constant repetition of nutrition/food/ diet fads, wellness trends etc TikToks aiming to sensationalise one aspect of eating to gain views! Ugh!! Tbf, I’m my experience, most dietitian’s I know are like me… I really don’t like going in and in about wellness etc etc I find it boring but I also know enough to be able to ignore most of the absolute BS about diet that I see in the media and scroll past! Disordered eating and ‘Othorexia’ is a big risk to health and can lead to poor health in the pursuit of wellness / being slim, so it should be taken seriously

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have issues with disordered eating. I was underweight as a teen and was diagnosed with what was called EDNOS at the time, I believe they call it OSFED now, and fifteen years later I’m obese and although I’ve managed to get my weight down to a healthier weight several times I’ve never successfully kept it off. I’m thoroughly ashamed of my weight. I’m aware my relationship with food needs to change but it’s a work in progress

Totally agree. I think if you deep dived into a lot of women’s mentalities, even the thin ones, you’d find a lot of body dysmorphia and self hatred that isn’t dealt with because they are a ‘healthy’ weight

Not so much common as virtually universal in richer countries.

Equally glaringly obvious from a casual reading of any thread about eating on Mumsnet, as they pretty much always degenerate into 'Fat people are disgusting' and 'I look like a decaying manatee at size 8'.

Yes

Yes, I know someone who is like this too. She is not slim, but is losing weight and does make a lot of comments about other people's bodies. It's a bit obsessive and I don't think can be good for her. I love her and agree it isn't malice, but self hatred from a strange upbringing which is at play

I have a very good friend who is fatphobic and obsessed with what people are eating - all the time. She comments on it and in people’s food and their appearance. As I’m pretty chubby myself I find it the worst thing about her BUT I know it’s coming from a place of self hatred of herself … she’s slim but has barely eaten most of her adult life to be that way.

I agree OP. Of just my close friendship group (6 including me) only one of us has what I'd call a healthy attitude to food and body, and sadly it's not me! I've only realised in the last few years what a disordered eating pattern I've fallen into and it's proving difficult to get out of it.
I desperately don't want the same life for my DD but she's already heading the same way as me as a child- 98th centile for height and weight. I don't want to put my 8yo on a diet, or plant the seeds of an eating disorder by obsessing about food and calories and what she looks like, but I don't want her to be bullied for being overweight either. It's such a trap.

Not untrue but I think the point of the post that it's not just obese women who have a disordered relationship with food. I think obese women are more likely to admit to disordered eating and being unhealthy than a slim woman who thinks everything is fine just because she is slim.