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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Struggling mum

6 replies

Eg93 · 24/07/2025 14:35

I'm a 32 year old mum to a 12 year old dd, I work full time and dd is diagnosed with scoliosis and has to wear a back brace full time, I'm tired im self employed so I never get time off dd is going through alot of peer pressure at the moment and her brace is becoming an issue im really struggling if I could wear it for her I would in heartbeat but I can't. I feel so guilty shes becoming withdrawn from me which is breaking my heart but between working housework cooking and shopping i just dont feel like I've got the time. I go to bed every night feeling guilty because I just haven't got the time to support her the way i would like to. I'm absolutely drained trying to do my best but it seems whatever I focus most on something else lacks 😫 i can't take time off work because me and my partner wouldn't financial survive.

OP posts:
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Hotandbotheredflower · 24/07/2025 15:22

OP social media is a lie. I mentor new mums coming back into our work place and I always say “you will now forever feel like you are failing both jobs (actual job and being a mother).

Never measure yourself by what’s online. I’ve seen behind the videos of some social media mums and they stop caring for the children/ the smile drops as soon as the camera turns off.

Ask your daughter what she would like to do more with you too, she’s maybe go some great ideas.

Mulledjuice · 24/07/2025 15:07

Honestly stop looking at social media. It's a drain on your time and energy and noone ever felt better on it.

Could you get a batch cooking night as an activity to do weekly with your daughter, a little one to one time, take it in turns to DJ etc. People often open up more over a shared activity side by side rather than head-on.

Original poster
Eg93 · 24/07/2025 15:04

AllotmentHappy · 24/07/2025 14:55

— shopping, do it online get it delivered. Will save you a lot of hassle and usually you can find discount codes online and get it a bit cheaper than the shops!

  • cooking, could your dp pitch in and help cook? Or maybe a few ready meals? We do stuff like nuggets. Pizzas a few times a week to free up time.

I really appreciate your response it's the first time I've feel supported in a long time 🥰 i will look into shopping delivery. I'm also trying to loose weight i feel the pressure on women at the moment is just completely unreachable I look at women on Facebook looking fantastic and being a great mum and just feel like a complete failure and unable to complete. I have no friends no free time and im just completely miserable trying to juggle everything

OP posts:
AllotmentHappy · 24/07/2025 14:55

— shopping, do it online get it delivered. Will save you a lot of hassle and usually you can find discount codes online and get it a bit cheaper than the shops!

  • cooking, could your dp pitch in and help cook? Or maybe a few ready meals? We do stuff like nuggets. Pizzas a few times a week to free up time.
Original poster
Eg93 · 24/07/2025 14:49

Hotandbotheredflower · 24/07/2025 14:40

This sounds super hard OP!

Practical suggestions:

  • can you get online good delivery (it’s been a game changer for us and it’s not as expensive as you think if you workout petrol costs running to the shop)
  • I know money is tight but can you afford a cleaner once a month for 2 hours to help you / partner
  • can you do any batch cooking on the weekends and put them in the freezer?

With your preteen they do tend to start pulling away, can you do a movie night with popcorn / sweets once a week? I knew a family that did family dinner once a week and they rotated who picked the meal and cooked which included the kids.

OP you sound like you’re running on fumes, I know it’s cliche but you need to look after yourself too. Even if it’s an hour to get a massage / read a book…what ever makes you feel better

Edited

Thank you so much for your response! I am running on fumes ! The movie night is a fantastic suggestion! I love that idea. My partner is not not dd dad which complicates things I feel as though everybody needs something from me in different ways and im drowning. I also care for my 99 year old grandad I feel although there isn't enough hours in the day xx

OP posts:
Hotandbotheredflower · 24/07/2025 14:40

This sounds super hard OP!

Practical suggestions:

  • can you get online good delivery (it’s been a game changer for us and it’s not as expensive as you think if you workout petrol costs running to the shop)
  • I know money is tight but can you afford a cleaner once a month for 2 hours to help you / partner
  • can you do any batch cooking on the weekends and put them in the freezer?

With your preteen they do tend to start pulling away, can you do a movie night with popcorn / sweets once a week? I knew a family that did family dinner once a week and they rotated who picked the meal and cooked which included the kids.

OP you sound like you’re running on fumes, I know it’s cliche but you need to look after yourself too. Even if it’s an hour to get a massage / read a book…what ever makes you feel better