Friend upset because of a comment I made about renting

I agree with this. I also think you’re mad not to have a pension but I’d never say anything critical to a friend who didn’t have one expressing that. Even with a house I own and pension seven scheme I worry whether it’ll be enough, but self aware enough I realise I have more than some and less than others.

You've upset her. It's wasn't intentional, so apologise and move on

I'd apologise for stating the bloody obvious.
Mortgages are cheaper than rent and offer security, nice one for pointing out she can't afford this luxury.

I agree with this actually

While true, it was quite gloaty and insensitive of you

You just stated a fact @scarystories - rent doesn’t end unless your circumstances change, but a mortgage does. It isn’t looking down your nose or anything like it, sounds like she is over-sensitive. I wouldn’t apologise for what I said (because you were not making a judgement of renters - if you were that would be a different matter). But you could reassure her that you were talking about how your expenses will go down when you pay off the mortgage and nothing more 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh my goodness, did that feel good to get that off your chest.You sound very bitter.

I dont think it's crowing or insensitive as you were talking about finances and the future at the time. It is just a fact and if people who rent haven't considered this then it's probably good that they do think about it although it would be a worry.

Not sure why your comment would bother her.

It's factual, I'm a renter and probably always will be but your comment wouldn't have bothered me. It's madness that people can't just accept others people's situations are different.

Just do what's best for you as it seems some people will take offence regardless.

Me too.
I'm a renter and I can't see anything offensive here. It's something I've thought about and am planning for, as it will be an ongoing bill.
I may want to wish it away, but it's just a fact.

Your pal is upset by something you said. Whether you feel she’s wrong or right - isn’t it just kinder and easier to say sorry. My view is that if I’ve upset someone I care about, whether it was intentional or not I apologize. They obviously feel scared or worried about their financial future - note that this is a sensitivity for them and don’t bring it it up in the future. Small beer for keeping good relations with a good pal.

I have recently taken on quite a big mortgage (for a single person on my income) in my 40s, because like you I was terrified about renting when I hit old age, and how that would work. (Truth be told I will likely inherit one if not two reasonably substantial amounts by then, both probably enough to buy a small place outright in the cheap part of the country I live in, but have never wanted to rely on that because anything could happen between now and then, the relatives concerned could fall out with me and leave it to the cats' home etc eyc. So I wanted it to be a bonus but not my sole provision).

And yea, it's a struggle to buy on your own, and involves a lot of saving and going without, so I 100% get you.

HOWEVER, I try to be really careful when I make comments to friends who are still renting, as I can remember those comments and how useless and stressed they used to make me feel....

I only have four friends who are close enough that I would frankly discuss my financial situation and choices with them. One is a homeowner of a much more expensive house than I could ever afford, and has hurt me in the past in a similar way to th the way you hurt your friends. Two rent, and I am close enough to them to know that they also worry about their financial situation, so it is something we can discuss frankly without offence, and I talk to them about ways to get out of the rent trap. The other lives with her parents and has a solid plan in place for her future, so that's less of a concern.

My point is, if you don't know your friend well enough to know that comments like that will upset her, you should have kept your mouth shut about money.

But what's done is done. Apologise frankly, say that you weren't thinking, and that you yourself know how stressful it can all be and you fully understand (but ONLY say this if you can do so without sounding condescending and smug!)

Good luck. At least you are kind enough to care that you have upset her. That's a start!

I think it might be because you said ‘the bill will always be there’ like it was a definite fact

You were presuming she will never be able to buy a house, which may or may not be true - but who wants to be reminded of that?!

Use the THINK code before you speak
Is what you are about to say: (answers per your comment)

True - possibly
Helpful - no
Inspiring - no
Necessary - no
Kind - not really

So in hindsight, probably not a great thing to say - although I think you were just a bit clueless rather than mean

Seems perfectly reasonable to me in the context of the conversation you were having. It's not like you were randomly musing about your superiority. And I say that as a long time renter who's felt awkward about that renter/owner divide.

The way the benefit system is at the moment chances are your friend will get her rent paid for her or at least the majority of it when she reaches pension age obviously this is subject to change depending on things set out by the government.

I think your friend probably thought you were gloating a bit but if she’s sat down and thought about house repairs and maintenance I’m sure she’s feeling a bit better about things as she won’t have these expenses.

If your struggling financially that you can't afford the pension contributions you should look up Rebel Finance School on FB and do their free 10 week course. Will change your outlook on money and life completely.

You are off your head opting out.

You are also opting out of the employer’s contribution.

You said nothing wrong, were just stating facts.

Your friend and her partner may well buy a property in the future, who knows.

It really is best not to talk about money, pensions, mortgages, rents with anyone.

But there’s loads of scenarios like that, but you don’t just come out and say it. It’s a fact that’s it’s better to but a house outright with cash. But you’d look really smug saying that to someone who had just taken out a mortgage.

Of course it is. But you sound like you're judging their situation and/or choices.

'It would have been easier for them with two incomes', etc. You don't know that, do you? I'm assuming here rhat you don't know everything about their finances.

Oh boy are you in for a shock!.