Friend upset because of a comment I made about renting

I think what you said is fine within The context of weighing up the fact you don’t have a pension. You were just providing your rationale for the decisions you’ve made.

That was in reference to the way a lot of renters are spoken about on mumsnet. It’s sort of a mumsnet trope that you should, of course, own a home and not be “only a renter.”

Really? You think most people consciously go through an instant 5 step process before each stage of a conversation. I have never even heard of it and will certainly not be slowing my life down to introduce it to my already overwhelmed overthinking brain.

That's what I said. Homeowners who have their house paid for, should not be too smug and disparaging of 'renters,' because they will shell out 10s of 1000s of pounds over the years (even when they are mortgage free,) for repairs and maintenance forever. Renters don't have this problem. All repairs and maintenance is covered.

Also, renters on low income/no income, will have their rent paid if they end up out of work. No-one is going to pay the homeowners repair and maintenance bills!

The people who are in the most fortunate of all (IMO) are people in social housing. Often cheap/affordable property with a long-term or lifetime tenancy, and all the repairs and maintenance done. (And housing benefit if they can't afford the rent.)

I rent OP, and as a single parent it will be a long time until I can buy (if ever). I’ve had more than my share of insensitive or tone deaf comments (why don’t you just buy somewhere? Oh I’d hate having to move so often. I’m so upset we’re being made redundant - I was hoping to buy a new kitchen next year, oh well, at least I don’t have a mortgage or rent to pay 🙄). Your comment wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. If you said it as you did in your op, you were recognising your privilege. But some people are more sensitive than others. I would apologise but don’t let it hang over you, you didn’t mean any malice x

Most of us can make that level of assessment quickly during a conversation.

You literally said I made you feel guilty for not paying into a pension 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

If you are unable to comprehend why your comment made your friend feel bad when she’s told you and l, along with others, have tried to explain then I don’t think you’ll listen to anyone. You clearly lack empathy and general understanding of how you affect others. It’s like saying “I’m so glad my dc don’t have to share bedrooms” to someone whose dc share bedrooms. You’re criticising them in a non direct way and they will understandably take offence.

I think it was an insensitive comment, even if you didn’t mean it to be.

I have a few friends who talk non-stop about their grandchildren and how wonderful it is being a granny, when some of us may not get to experience this joyful life-stage.
I’m happy for them of course, but it can sometimes get right on my tits.

Do you really go through that process before every time you speak in a flowing conversation? That must make for some very stilted conversations.

i know its not the point of the thread, but you'll regret not paying in to a pension.

That’s a brilliant tool!

looking at it… the wealthiest European countries seem to have lower levels of home ownership abs the poorest countries seem to have highest levels of ownership… I know the quality of life in Denmark. Finland. Switzerland. Sweden is very high and standards of all homes is very high. (I was born and grew up in Finland). Renting is these countries is more affordable and the quality you receive is miles better than Uk. Also, renting is more secure - in UK you can be evicted on no fault after 6-12 months and rental sector is unregulated. Aka rents can rise and rise.

No. She is oversensitive. People should be able to hear someone else's point of view without getting huffy as we are all entitled to our point of view so long as it is polite and not targeted or spiteful. This shows how immature she is and that it is a very sensitive spot for her.

I think you were tactless. With that being said, it is not guaranteed you will in a better position. Unfortunately, lots of people have to retire early due to ill health and if don't have a decent pension, it will hard to maintain your property.

There are a lot of people who will go to great lengths to see something as a personal slight, when it clearly wasn't intended that way at all. It must be an exhausting way to live. If anything, you were sympathising with people who rent. But people who are crippled by their own insecurities will always assume others are looking down on them, regardless of what you say or don't say.

I wouldn’t apologise for stating a fact, to be honest.

If she’s touchy about being a renter that’s on her. And I’m a renter too.

But if that were the case then the price of houses would adjust down until it made financial sense to own the asset. That’s just economics. If I would be better off renting (in all scenarios, not just through convenience) then by definition the price of houses would be unviable, no one would purchase them. So they would reduce down.

as an aside, where it does become better to rent, is if you’re on benefits since the government will pay your rent but won’t pay to maintain your property.

sorry - just reread your post and you weren’t making a general point (which I was responding to) and yes you could be right, ironically, op could be better off with no house and on pension credit whilst renting (if she has no private pension)

I hardly think it’s bragging to admit you have no financial plan for the future and no pension. Sounds like her friend will be much better off despite being “only a renter.”

You should advertise to take in a lodger and use the money to get a pension.

No one likes a brag, are you known for your one upmanship?