Friend upset because of a comment I made about renting

I have a 40 year mortgage as do several friends. I was 27 getting it.

She sounds over sensitive. Its a fact you were stating. She is possibly feeling bad that she is 'only' renting but you did yourself for 7 years as do most people at some stages in their lives. If she has an issue. Its her issue tbh, I wouldnt be calling her and making a big deal of it

Rent as a never ending bill seems a strange concept. It is just a cost of accommodation- when you own a place even with no mortgage there are many never ending bills- council tax is high and generally pretty poor value, with as many add ons (bin collection, parking etc) the Council can squeeze out of you.

There is maintenance (some of which you don't pay when renting) and constant small jobs- plumbing, heating, fencing, painting etc.

Some of these will involve dealing with unreliable tradesmen, and end up quite frustrating.

So no accommodation is free of constant costs and at times hassle.

To summarise the thread (and every other thread on MN): whether we rent or own we're all fucked.

When you were paying rent and saving for a deposit….can you not redirect that deposit savings to your rent. The state pension will be next to nothing when you retire.

You weren’t insensitive. You were stating an absolute truth. You may have actually given your friend something to think about. If she can afford holidays and concerts she might be able to get a mortgage too with a re-prioritisation of her spending. But don’t mention it anymore to her. It’s her life. I hope you are listening to the people saying you need a pension. I know you feel you can’t afford it but it’s better to start young. You really need a pension. There will come a time you aren’t fit enough to work anymore and the state pension will not cover the standard of life you have now, nowhere near it.

But she's not vulnerable until she becomes vulnerable - loses her job, for example.

Until then she does what we all do - she gets on with it as best she can. I am coming to the end of my mortgage but there were years when I was just getting by for one reason or another. We find a way don't we?

I have never heard of a 40 year mortgage, but people have to pay rent for 40 years and more so why not?

I think you need to look inwardly at what insecurities in your own life are causing you to assume such negative intentions in other people's words, when any stable person can see none were intended...

Eh? OP was speaking the truth. It's very simple to understand: rent is a cost for life. Why is the truth to be avoided?

Because she earns an average income, she lives in a one bed house so unless she wants to sleep in a sofa she can’t take a lodger in, she has nobody else to share the bills with, she’s not paying into a private pension, and as her deposit was small she’s saddled with a mortgage for 40 years unless she can somehow pay it off early. Also, the economy is terrible and will worsen when AI takes more and more of our jobs, and finally - you don’t get much help from the government if you can’t pay your mortgage, just some crappy loan which probably won’t cover the repayments. The vast majority of mortgage payers aren’t in this position.

Why is op in a more vulnerable position than anyone else?

I’ve read more of the thread and whilst I know it’s not the point I can only echo others about you being foolish about opting out of your pension. I get the impression your repayment period is long, you only have your own (average) income and you don’t have the option of taking a lodger. To be blunt, you’re in a vulnerable situation. Can you get a second job?

Yep, spot on.

The op seems to think this is an either or situation. Owning a house doesn’t nullify the need for a pension.

What you said is true. You're not crowing or showing off. You're saying that she will have the extra pension, but that you won't have rent to pay so it balances out - sort of. However I doubt her extra pension will be as useful as your rent-free status. Those of us who own our homes are lucky for now. My home has almost trebled in value since I bought it. There is no way that I would be able to afford it today and no way that I could afford to rent it on a pension.

I have just a few years left of my mortgage (it goes quickly!) and am trying to pay it off earlier. Your post has reminded me that I soon won't have that expense, which is an absolute weight off my mind.

It's very hard living alone. Bills are hard enough to pay if there are two of you but when you're on your own it's really difficult.

I'm sure the OP knows that when she does get some money, with lower interest rates or a higher salary, she needs to focus on a pension. She's clearly got her head screwed on regarding finances.

But you’re not in that position now so your position is now different to hers. You may have to cut back on holidays etc and be careful but does she? Maybe there is a lifestyle difference that made you consider that comment about renting/buying. It wasn’t relevant to the conversation but it’s done now.

I shared that I had chosen to opt out of the scheme, and she responded by saying she wouldn’t want to take that risk.

Ah, it sounds a bit tit for tat then to be honest when you put it like that, she subtly criticised your choice to opt out of a pension, and you subtly criticised her choice to rent instead of own by explaining that you wouldn't have any outgoings when your mortgage is done.

You should have stopped there to be honest, going on to specifically mention people renting being worse off later really has no bearing on you and what you are planning on doing, so it just come across as an unnecessary dig, but it sounds like she made you feel a bit defensive with her dismissive comment, so maybe that is why it popped out.

It's always dodgy territory discussing things like this with friends when you have very different viewpoints/life goals, it can easily come across as critisism even if it isn't intended.

People are sensitive… take care what you say and add a disclaimer