Things my husband asked me today (light hearted)

Or asking the instructions on how to cook something while holding the box with said instructions in his hand Grrr
Also where is such and such in fridge as he looks at all the shelves. It's looking right back at him. Even if it isn't dear forbid that he might actually move stuff to find it.

I have an extremely competent DH in his work life but food and cooking is a blank sheet of paper to him for some reason. So shopping for food by him has to be explained in detail and certain household management things. I have to have complicated savings and pensions he has arranged for my benefit explained in simple terms as my mind goes blank over money. I nipped family's requests for where their possessions were in the bud by saying with absolute confidence second shelf down on the left. They never were and it cured them all.

I am divorced and now single but these days I feel like there’s little more attractive than an organised man with his shit together!

He sounds unbelievably annoying!

And really I think he must be at least in part doing it deliberately to abdicate responsibility to you.

People saying “how does he cope at work?” - he seems to want to delegate actual work tasks to the OP!

All these women with drippy, incompetent dopes for husbands, how on EARTH can you bring yourselves to shag them?

The level of unattractiveness this amount of idiocy brings, would make my fanny zip itself up forever.

Well I’m going against the majority here and I’m finding it quite endearing. Maybe he’s just missing you and it’s his way of keeping in touch? I muse out loud the banalities in my head all the time and my husband answers me. He doesn’t find me an annoying twat, he loves me and vice versa. The day he does find me an annoying twat then obviously we are in trouble. But until that day I will carry on saying out loud any old crap in my head 😉

Oh OP, I would strangle him with my bare hands.

Maybe try testing him with some different answers, e.g.:

Cottage cheese is a form of spread that's made exclusively in America, a bit like Vegemite being from Australia. You might find it under the "world foods" section, or maybe on a shelf near the peanut butters, which as you know will be in the toiletries area.

2 pints of milk are roughly equivalent to 7 litres and normally come in a bright green container. You can't miss it really, just keep checking the shelf. Or you could always ask a shop assistant for help.

Does the mechanic really insist on us having tyres? Ask his advice on whether we can just manage without, would it cause any problems over the next year or so? If not, let's not bother.

Don't email them your expenses, call them and kick up a stink that they bounced them. The number is [insert a kid's radio show or something].

The dog walker is coming at xx o'clock, so please remember to have a packed lunch ready for her as agreed last time we saw her.

I will be finishing work at 7pm next Tuesday. [Then take yourself off somewhere for a much-needed weekend break away from this headfuckery!!!]

XH text on Tuesday to check if it was safe for 10 year old DD to have an actimel yoghurt because she takes a daily multivitamin and he thought it might overdose her. He has previously checked with me that peas will still be safe to eat because he let them boil and the packet said not to.

Because his incompetence is entirely affected and designed to, over time, get the OP to stop asking him to do anything and instead work herself to the bone carrying the entire mental load.

At least he didn’t ask if you wanted your washing hanging out! That used to really wind me up. Most of the f’ing items were not mine!

Yesterday mine asked how long 3 meters was

Whilst holding a tape measure.

Why wouldn’t you make a sarcastic response? What kind of an adult can’t put a sandwich in a container?

Another take on this (beyond the inept man-child bit) is maybe he's bored and looking for a conversation starter. Or maybe he is just talking aloud to himself a bit. I sometimes do this when looking for things - where's my laptop gone? Cue DP getting annoyed I'm asking him to find it or use mystical powers to conjure it up from the ether. But really it's a combination of talking to myself and giving him the opportunity to say - oh actually I saw it under the sofa with the dog's collar. He on the other hand doesn't ask me, spends 2h looking, and then only mentions when he's really angry it's lost. At which point I mention it is under the dog blanket.

Alternatively he could just be a useless man child. Only you know. I definitely think unemployed people (appreciate he's not actually unemployed but I mean it in the literally sense of not being employed in a meaningful activity) dither about more on silly pointless things, because they have the time. I haven't met a retired person yet who this hasn't happened to.

Crikey, I know you said light hearted but are sure he is safe to be let out on his own?? 😂
Seriously though this would irritate the life out of me, I just woudn't answer the phone but then of course you would no doubt be cottage cheeseless.
I can never understand it when you see those people going round the supermarket on facetime, saying this one?? etc - how a normal functioning adult can't manage a bit of shopping is beyond me.

Could not agree more.

Mine made his sandwich for work the night before and then asked me where he should store them...it was difficult not to make a sarcastic reply.

I see all this and raise you my adult son's "Who am I thinking of?"

Last time it was Ben Kingsley

Of course not. It's tactical uselessness, to punish OP for expecting equality of responsibility for household management.

Seriously though, my dh has moments of ineptitude but is generally quite competent (despite having adhd which causes some.... interesting challenges). He did once ask me to help him find a pen to sign his anniversary card to me. Which he'd run out to buy on the morning of our anniversary. Which I'd reminded him about that morning....

Luckily he has far more redeeming qualities.

poor sod, where would he be without you 😂 ♥️

DH does this from time to time. I say: "Let me just consult my uterus." 😆

What do you mean, my husband regularly can't see shit that's right in front of his face🤣

Threads like this remind me of why I love being divorced.

It was only after I kicked him out for cheating did I realise I also had all that low level manchild crap going on in my life EVERY FLIPPING DAY.

I pity those of you having to tolerate their ineptitude.

🤣🤣🤣