Things my husband asked me today (light hearted)

The mental picture of an adult male putting his bits in boys pants and wearing all day is hilarious.
I can't even begin to imagine what him walking looked like.🤣🤣

Me too! I have been known to have a pair of glasses on my nose and a pair on the top of my head! I can't read etc with them on so spend a lot of time looking for them.

The other day I was going round the house wondering where on earth I’d put my phone, when I realised that it was in my hand.

Yeah, and look at the bloody state of it!

My DH will say 'can you look up xyz on your phone?' When he's sat there and has his phone next to him 🙄 last night he asked me to look something up whilst I was researching something for DD, something totally unrelated. My answer of 'no, I'm busy, you can do that on your own phone' caused a miniscule huff.

And using his phone to take pics; its always 'oh you take better photos then me' (I'm no david bailey) or 'your camera is better' (its not, same phone)..he has no pics of me on his phone at all, unless they've been taken by the kids. All just excuses for being lazy!

As soon as he leaves to go shopping, turn your phone on silent & leave him to it. He'll have to ask the shop assistant if cottage cheese and sour cream is the sane thing......

To be fair, I stopped having sugar in my coffee when I was about 13 years old. Yet my mother carried on asking me if I wanted sugar in my drink for the next 30 years.

How did they end up running the world?

2 pints =1.137 litres … tell him this OP! 🤣😳😉

When we kids couldn't find something after a very brief glance, my exasperated mum used to say, "Do you just expect it to pop up and say, 'Here I am!'"

Or follows you around like a little lost puppy if you disappear for more than two mins

I am reading this thread in fits of giggles 😂

My DH is horrendous with dates. I book a week off work, tell him about the dates. Time goes by and he’ll ask me to text them to him so they are written down, fine. They are also on a list stuck to the front of the fridge which you cannot miss.
2 weeks later - “what week are you off work again?” I respond, remind him they are etched in font size 20 on the front of the fridge and have been sent to him by text. We will discuss said annual leave over and over again until the week before where he realises he had forgotten the dates, hasn’t booked the time off work, asks for them to be text through again. Will then say I really should have reminded him.

Luckily he is competent in all other areas of life!

They pay him

Slightly less light hearted was when I'd driven 3 hours to be with my dying parent and DH texted me to ask what time school pick up was. I just didn't answer. He seemed to manage, but my disappointment in him at that moment has lasted several years.

I channel Sybil Fawlty with "I really don't know bro" (followed by "perhaps she's twelve" in my head).

Sometimes he repeats the question or says "you don't know?" so I just say it again "I really don't know".

I used to google things or get up and look or whatever, to hand him the answer so now him asking a second time is really him trying to get me to find out for him.

Right so when you said he needs to fuck off back to the sea you literally meant as in his job in the Navy?
Because I thought you meant like whales went back into the sea and laughed my head off, it was an upleveled mn favourite "get in the bin"

My DH to me; “do you want milk in your coffee?” We’ve been married 25 years, together 27, I have NEVER drunk coffee with milk in all that time……🤷‍♀️

And you enable that? Jesus.

Ha, when I'm asked these types of questions by OH (or DCs) I always reply "Well, what do you think?" in a pseudo pedagogical/teacher kinda way 😅

My mother was on some sort of Ladies' Club coach trip - they'd got about three miles out of their little Welsh town when the driver pulled over and yelled 'If you don't tell your 'usbands to stop phoning you, I'm bloody well turning round and taking you all 'ome!'

🤣

It was all 'What am I having for my lunch? Well where have you put it? Can I put it in the microwave? How long for? What time does the dog go for a walk? It's raining, should I get the washing in?'

😂😂😂 Thanks! I'm crying at this!

I showed this to my husband. He said, “it’s almost like he loves her and wants to talk to her.” So I feel your pain. I regularly ask mine whether he is (a) really this stupid or (b) worried that his mouth will seal up if he doesn’t flap it irrelevantly every two minutes.

I am neurodivergent and manage to live my life without outsourcing it to a mummy figure.

Christ. How does he manage to stay upright?!

Where is the tape measure?
Where are my spare glasses?
Wheres my wallet?
Wheres the Chinese menu?
Wheres the screws I left on the window ledge 174 years ago that I now urgently need?

Theyre all in DHs man drawer. Whatever he’s looking for is always in the man drawer.

unless it’s a food stuff, then it’s probably in the fridge, roughly in the same spot he’s been staring at for 2 minutes and still can’t see whatever it is he’s looking for!!!!

I answer ‘don’t know’ to try and wean H off this habit.